Have you ever cried when a Pt died

Specialties Hospice

Published

Sorry if there is a thread somewhere on here already about this. I remember the first time one of my patients died on me. I was taking care of her and she got very sick, I was working in Assisted Living at the time so the rules here are a bit different. Anyways she was throwing up and I felt she needed to see a doctor it was pretty bad. I called our Manager on duty and she said we should wait and see how it goes. Anyways I didn't work with her again after that night but I came in 3 days later and they told me they finally sent her out to the hospital and that she died. She was in her early 40's. I lost it. I was so angry that I hadn't let myself get fired and sent her out, angry that the manager didn't send her out sooner, that maybe she would have lived if she had just gotten to the hospital sooner. I took it very hard. I began bawling and thankfully I had a nice co worker who covered my building and let me go compose myself. I cried a couple of other times, one lady I cared for was so sweet and reminded me of my grandma. Am I the only blubbering fool out here lol or has anyone else shed a tear for a patient that passed? Hospice is such a sad and hard, but rewarding and fulfilling job at the same time.

Specializes in Hospice / Psych / RNAC.

Normally no...I chose "not" to work with children just for that reason. I am Hospice and I cry with the family but I don't cry for the person who has passed on; I am happy for them. They are always in a better place and that is what comforts me. I've assissted hundreds of people to the other side. I draw strength from them and always make a deal to meet them on the other side. It's going to be a huge party...you're all invited!

I am not heartless but heartful; knowing their passing is for the better.

Specializes in Psychiatric- Detox and ECT.

I agree in that case, it's better to let go then to suffer through in physical pain. I hate to see people in emotional pain too, but when they choose to die by suicide I cry because I wish there was something we could do to make that pain go away. I'm sure being in hospice you have probably seen Pt's who have given up the will to live also. How do you handle that? When a Pt is determined to die?

I agree in that case, it's better to let go then to suffer through in physical pain. I hate to see people in emotional pain too, but when they choose to die by suicide I cry because I wish there was something we could do to make that pain go away. I'm sure being in hospice you have probably seen Pt's who have given up the will to live also. How do you handle that? When a Pt is determined to die?

To answer your original question - yup. Not every time, since it does depend on a number of different factors, but I have cried over the death of a patient. Not publically, and not on duty - however, it's also readily apparent when I'm having an emotional reaction to a death so it's no surprise to either my co-workers or the patient's family members.

As to patients that are determined to die - what I do is to try and get them talking about WHY they want to die, and try to get a dialogue going to determine whether there is something I can do to help. Oftentimes, just talking with them will help to alleviate some of their suffering - but, it's also important to remember that there may not be much we can do for them, other than up their morphine dosage or whatever.

If they're genuinely determined to do something about it, realistically other than putting them on 24/7 observation in an institutional setting there's not a whole lot that can be done to stop them and while I'm a very firm believer in "death with dignity" I'm also a staunch advocate of personal freedom, which includes the right to take one's own life if one so chooses. BUT - I do my very best to make sure the patient has explored ALL possible options before using the "final solution" approach, and so far I've not had a patient actually commit suicide.

Note that my service in Hospice has been as a patient care volunteer, and not as a professional - however, I've discussed the topic of death and suicide with a number of my LTC patients (as a CNA), and those I've volunteered with in Hospice as well.

----- Dave

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

I'm as tough as they come, but I've cried. When you're in a room with 12 people, and they are all quietly crying, while a child is in bed with their dead father begging them to come back (and you can't leave because the wife has a death grip on your hand), I can't imagine standing there like a stone. I've cried "off stage" when I know I'm about to have to code someone who's in their 90's, end stage everything, and the leeches in their family are crowing "do everything" in the same breath they're asking how long they can wait until they have to notify medicare/medicaid to stop the check. I've cried with families who've just received devastating news that a child is brain dead, all while watching the mom absently petting the teddy bear they'd brought from home for their little boy. I've cried when a patient is going for a nursing home placement to the crappiest place in town, and their only worry is who's going to look after their cat, when I've heard the family saying they're going to "take it to the dump" as soon as "mom's out of the house" and the mental image of that poor cat being thrown out, losing both home and human is breaking my heart (I managed to get them to give me the cat, and took it to the SPCA -- declawed, and they were going to throw it out). I see a lot of bad, sad, maddening things in my job; we all do. And the one thing we do a poor job of as nurses is getting to mourn. I think if you don't have some kind of mourning mechanism (tears, exercise, art, whatever), especially for patients you've had for long periods of time, it can hurt you more than you think.

Specializes in Psychiatric- Detox and ECT.

Great comment! Yes I think it is healthy to let it out, the soul can only take so much built up stuff.

Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Some of us shed a tear and some of us don't.

If your eyes fill with tears, know that it is okay...but check yourself and your emotions as it is important not to reverse roles with the family. We cannot let ourselves be perceived as needing comfort from the bereaved.

Absolutely. We owe it to our patients to be in control of ourselves so they can rely on us when they are thrashing in a sea of strong emotions. I cry at home, or someplace away from the area I'm working in. There are a few patients I still can tear up over as their deaths so affected me.

Specializes in Hospice / Ambulatory Clinic.
I've cried when a patient is going for a nursing home placement to the crappiest place in town, and their only worry is who's going to look after their cat, when I've heard the family saying they're going to "take it to the dump" as soon as "mom's out of the house" and the mental image of that poor cat being thrown out, losing both home and human is breaking my heart (I managed to get them to give me the cat, and took it to the SPCA -- declawed, and they were going to throw it out).

A death on every shift that I can handle but the above would get me bawling every time. I still cry every time I watch that part in Breakfast at Tiffany's

Cat!

Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.

nerdtonurse? made a good point about nurses and grief. In hospice we recognize that the staff experience cummulative grief and try to provide good outlets for them to process the losses and "refill their buckets".

Ignoring our own bereavement leads to nowhere good!

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