Death stories?

Specialties Hospice

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shrinky

154 Posts

Specializes in Hospice, Palliative Care, OB/GYN, Peds,.

My stories are too numerous to count but I will say that as people are getting ready to leace this world they become closer to the spiritual world and do see what we cannot see. Most of them see loved ones who have passed on and others see angels, the gates opening or other beautiful things that cause them not to be afraid. I had one lady who had had polio as a child and was now dying on Hospice and she was a good lady, believed in God and went to church and wanted me to sing to her every time I visited ( I was her Hospice nurse). She started seeing men in black with big dogs and snakes and this concerned me so I would talk with her about what was happening and praying and singing hymns. At one time she told her husband that he was keeping her here and he eventually told her that it was ok to go, they do need permission. She did become peaceful before her death but it was a struggle before that time. People do need permission to die and I have seen people hang on because the family tells them to hold on and as a Hospice nurse I have had to help the family let them go. Death can be a scary experience and I believe God sends loved ones to us to help us not to be afraid, especially someone who was very close and loving to us. Maybe I'll tell more stories at another writing. Great thread.:heartbeat

Heogog53

200 Posts

Specializes in CCU, OR.

When I worked in CCU, when a patient would come into the unit reporting that he/she had just spoken with a close relative who'd died years before, we all knew that death wasn't far behind. And if our very sick patients would suddenly have a good day, with the relatives all saying something about how much better their person looked, wed know that the patient would die the next day. It was as if those patients were trying to love everyone at once, used up their energies saying their forms of goodbye and then, exhausted, feel comfortable enough to go.

When my mom was dying, my youngest was born and we flew to visit her. She weighed about 87 pounds, but she wanted to see her Benjamin. My sister was supposed to be Benjamin, then I was supposed to be Benjamin. She waited 38 years to see her Benjamin. She had mets to the head, so my mom wasn't really herself anymore. The last completely lucid day she had was given to Benjamin and myself. The next day, most of the family left. Three days later, she started telling my dad and aunt that "I have to go". They kept getting her up on the potty chair until my dad realized that she was asking/telling him that it was time and he needed to let her go. He did and she died within 12 hours.

As for "paranormal" experiences, when my father was dying, I woke up at 2:20 am Wednesday night, for no reason as far as I could understand.....and said to myself that my dad had just died. He was in Mass, I was in Va. Next day, I got a phone call telling me that he had died at 2:20 am.

Previously, he had been in ICU with his lungs "whited out", and the night nurse and I communicated every night(his day nurse was, sad to say, a *****). One night I called and asked to speak with her, was told that she was busy with a patient, could I call back later. I thought about it and decided that my dad was coding. When we spoke a few hours later, she confirmed that yes, he'd coded around the time I'd called.

It's eerie when you KNOW things, for no discernible reason. I've had that little voice in my head all my life. It's told me more than I ever wanted to know, and some interesting things as well. When I was 15, the first time I heard that little voice, it told me that my children would be c-section babies. I didn't even WANT kids at 15, let alone think about how they'd be birthed! 15 years later, the little voice was correct; my daughter was a c-section delivery. 17 years later, same for my son.

T'any rate, those were the stories that stuck with me.

sconnieRN

5 Posts

Have really enjoyed reading this thread - thanks to all for sharing! :yeah:

Werblessed

45 Posts

Specializes in Hospice/Palliative, PACU, OR, Med/Surg.

Dying people very often 'see people we can't see' - deceased relatives mostly. Where they see them is where the ceiling and the wall - that seam where they meet - that's where they stare. I don't know why that is but it will be one of my first questions when I make my own journey 'home'. Some patients are able to tell us who they see and what they are telling them. Others just stare but you can see there is a connection beyond words occuring. One lady in particular was 93 y/o with Alzheimers and I was her home hospice primary nurse. She had 24/7 hired caregivers in the home and she was non-verbal for the last 18+ months of her life. I was at her bedside (she had no children and her husband had died many years before) holding her hand as she took her last breaths. At the time of her death, she opened her eyes and said one word, "Mama" with a smile as wide as anything I've ever seen, then she died. I had tears in my eyes, the hired caregiver was standing there with her jaw on the floor. It's blessings like this which happen frequently at the end of life that let us glimpse behind the curtain as I call it and bless us for a lifetime!

Heogog53

200 Posts

Specializes in CCU, OR.

Just an addition to the "little voices" stories.

About two weeks ago, my sister called to let me know that my uncle, who had cancer, had gone from "fine" to "very ill, in hospice care". I hoped that he would leave sooner than later, but didn't think much more about it.

My son and his fiancee came into to town to visit about a week later. We decided to go out to eat, during the meal, I wondered what was happening to my uncle right then. When we got home from dinner, my sister called, to tell me that he'd died around 9:30pm, which was about the same time I'd been thinking about him.

Not to change the direction of this thread, but to simply ask this question:

How many other people have felt that connection, from far away, that something critical(like my dad who was coding when I called), or just knew that something had changed( waking up right when my father died, wondering about my uncle when he died)? I was in Virginia when my father died and he was in Massachusetts. My uncle lived in Scottsdale AZ when he died and I now live in NC. It's so odd to feel a sudden tug or mental awareness, as I obviously have.

This has been a fascinating thread. There is so much about out of body, near death, death experiences that we don't understand, as well as the commonality of experiences that our loved ones, our patients and their families have experienced. Whether it's family members from the past coming to see our patients, our patients KNOWING the date of their death, knowing that it's time to go and are just awaiting a certain event(like the wonderful story of the dopamine/blood/med titration til the family came in) and the like-

I may have mentioned it earlier in this thread, but I had an out of body experience during a horrible surgery and illness. It was wonderful, comforting, loving and the happiest I'd ever been. If that was a small taste of dying, then knowing that is such a comfort for me.

Specializes in L&D, Hospice.

:nurse: just had the most amazing death story so far in my hospice endeavor

i went to stop back at the end of my day to check on a dying pt; the family was asking "why is he still here?" "what is keeping him?" "what is he waiting for? we all told him it was ok to go" So i asked if he was waiting for some one else and the one daughter looked at me and said he was waiting for her children, but they are not coming; so i asked if she told the patient that; the wife and the 3 grown children gathered around his bed and talked softly to him and the daughter told him that the kids were not coming, they could not come; within 1 minutes time the breathing changed and within 3 minutes he stopped breathing, in the arms of his family; i felt most privileged to witness the love this family shared and a peaceful death after watching him struggle earlier; yes, we need to tell the dying it is ok to go; yes, sooner or later they do die either way, but if we can ease or prevent the struggle it was a job worth while; yes, i have been with other patients when they took their last breath, but this was a tear jerker Grade A+

Specializes in L&D, Hospice.
I've worked in a hospice before....

I used to admit dead bodies into to the morgue while working in the pathology department at night.

I think that most of the paranormal are true.

But my opinion is that those little kids or deceased family members "visiting" them etc are purely Satan's device (demons) to gain their trust....

The Bible says clearly that we are not to communicate with the "spirits" or the dead.

Hebrews 9:27.." And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:"

Also try to investigate the story of Lazarus in the New Testament.

$02.

I dare to disagree with you

mostly because no one is trying to communicate with the deceased but relating experiences of the passing from the world we know to the other side;

i do not know what to expect after we leave this life, what judgment will be like or how eternal life is

i do believe there are deamons and they do want to deceive, and i would never have any one call my relatives spirits from where ever just to get my curiosity satisfied - i will once i get there....

what puzzles me every time in this world is, that i live in a culture of so called Christians who are deathly afraid to meet their Lord; to quote scripture: "to live is Christ and to die is gain" philippians 1:21 and i do have patients who are not afraid, but they are rather the exception; our culture fights death with more gusto than it hates the devil it looks like;

there is a spirit world that our human eyes usually cannot see, once we get ready to go there we will see- so much of my 2 cents to the paranormal

God bless

gb:twocents:

Heogog53

200 Posts

Specializes in CCU, OR.

@Ginapixie,

Yes, why is it that all those repeatedly described stories of our patients knowing when it's time to go, who speak with their beloved family members again, who plan out their funerals, who await family members one last time before they let go and drift off, are stories of demon and devil influences? I'm not a Christian, I'm Jewish, but it doesn't seem to matter much at end of life situations what denomination or religion you are, there are so many commonalities in what people experience then- how could it all be evil and bad? Most of these stories tell of people letting go with a smile on their faces, or simply speaking a tender name- how can these be negatives? I think it should give us all hope that death is simply a passage from one state to another, a state which I can't and dont propose to explain. But from what I've seen, heard, and read, it looks like an easy transition to a kinder place.

Specializes in LTC.

I know this is probably off topic but I'll share anyways. I was in labor with my daughter (first birth) when her heart rate dropped, they rushed me to the surgery room to do a c-section. Lots of people around but what I remember the most is a lady with gray hair and white scrubs comforting me, telling me it was going to be okay, rubbing my arm. I told my mom later how comforted I was with this lady and she said there was no elderly lady in white....I think it was an angel cause guess what? Everything did end up okay!

AniRN

13 Posts

Specializes in LTC, sub-acute care, Hospice.

I saw a patient yesterday who is dying of a GI bleed and abdominal mass. All signs point to liver involvement, but she did not want further testing done to find out of indeed that is the case. I met her two weeks ago and have only seen slight changes since. Increased weakness and fatigue, more jaundiced, belly is bigger, but her spirit and her mind are so alive. She has the most wonderful support, you couldn't ask for anything better. Twelve kids to take turns to care for her, and there is so much love in that house, it really is incredible. Anyway, I saw her yesterday and she was describing the hallucinations she was having, she said at first they were scary to her because she was afraid she couldn't tell the difference between reality and not reality. She was seeing her family members who weren't there. But, she said, it got better. "Now when I close my eyes I feel as if there is someone standing beside me, holding my hand, and I don't know who it is, but it feels nice." She says, "I feel as if I am half in this world and half in the next." I was so amazed and honored to hear that. You see, dear computer, when people who are dying start to hallucinate they are usually unable to talk about it because they are so far down the path to unconsciousness. We hear people say, with their eyes closed and a smile on their face: "Ah, hello dad." And we know quite well that dad has been dead and buried for many years. This brings them comfort. But they, for the most part, cannot describe why they are seeing these people. But my patient did. I told her it was a good thing, for her to be aware enough to talk about what she is seeing and hearing and feeling, she is very fortunate. She said as I was leaving, "This must be a hard job." And I said, "It can be, but you make it worth it. Making you smile and knowing that you are as comfortable as possible in this process makes it all worth it." That made everyone smile. God, I love little moments like these. In a day full of hell and demand and exhaustion from doing what I do, a two second conversation like that can make it all bearable. It can make my whole week better for that matter.

So this patient is one of the luckier ones, to remain calm and comfortable in her process. Let me tell you another story, of the opposite situation.

I have another patient who is 102. Last week she started having delerium, agitation, anxiety, and paranoia. It came out of nowhere. All her labs came back normal, so there was no infection. They put her on hospice on Monday as there was nothing else to be done and after many injections of IM Haldol the patient was still out of control. I have been in with her for the last three days trying to get her under control. Problem is that she is in a nursing home and I don't have the freedom to do what I would do if she were at home. So I had to give her a little bit at a time and prove that the little doses weren't cutting it. I was there yesterday with the intention of getting her symptoms under control and one shot of Haldol in the back of her arm seemed to do the trick. I would have stayed to make sure she was out for good, but the aforementioned pt needed my attention as well. Today I went back, with the hopes that it would be a short visit, that the nurses at the nursing home had done their job and medicated her like I asked. But as soon as I walked in I saw the venom in her eyes and knew it would be a long day. So, 7 hours, 7.5mg of Haldol, and 4mg of Ativan later she is out like a light. That's really not that much compared to what I've given in the past, but remember I had to start out small. I ended up putting SQ lines in her so the staff could give the drugs properly. Before I got her sleeping she was yelling at me, "Open that door! Dammit I told you to get over there and OPEN THAT DOOR!" At one point she sat me down and said, "The man will come in at night and make you spread your legs and put that thing into you and all his fluid will go in. You are next. It happened to my little girl and it will happen to you." Mind you her "little girl" is 86 now. The patient went on and on about the children that were being murdered at night, the man standing in her room, the fires in the building. She would not take any medications, stopped eating and drinking, all because she believed she was being poisoned. The poor tortured soul. And it was so frustrating for me because on one hand I had the daughter telling me "Don't sedate her" and on the other hand I have the staff who are terminal-agitation-naiive and think I would be trying to kill her if I gave her too many meds. Anyway, the pt is comfy now, and what a learning experience that was!

Specializes in L&D, Hospice.

Heogog53; yes a kinder place!

i always thought that we do get insights for ourselves not for all human kind any way; so if some one discounts all spiritual experiences because they do not fit into that persons thinking and understanding does that make your or my experience invalid? we all grow and learn at different speeds; even if i do not agree with some one does not make them a bad person, an evil person or what ever; we are created differnetly for a reason and until we grow to accept that and walk humbly in our faith we are far from the goal;

i have come to believe that no matter who you are, what you believe or how you lived there is a "last chance" to make peace with your maker before you leave this world; some seem to take a long time to make peace and i do not know if they actually do; but i do believe God is a gracious God !

(sorry if there are typos it is too late to spell check, i am tired)

Specializes in LTC.

I had one resident who came back from the hospital. When the medics dropped her off she was talking to her daddy (who was long gone!). She was hungry so I was feeding her. She started gurgling so I ran and got the nurse who said she was dying. So we ran her to her room (she'd wanted to sit at the nurses station and visit) where she died in her wheelchair. I went and got the male aide to help me put her to bed. He insisted she wasn't that heavy and could do it himself even though we told him she'd be dead weight. He lifted her like a baby and was swaying and almost dropped her...thank the Lord he didn't! Anywho I've actually had quite a bit of people talk to dead relatives before or as they are going.

My great grandma was taking days and days to die. One evening my mom was reading her the bible because she was a really strong Christian woman. She hadn't talked much at all and she moaned the word why. We think she was getting angry with God that she wasn't dead. For months before she kept saying it was her time to die. Another time I was in the room with her and I was crying. She opened her eyes and saw me crying and she started to rub my hand. I told her she could go but she just kept comforting me. You see in church I'd always sit next to her and she'd rub my hand and it was our sign for I love you.

The most agonizing death I remember was a lady who was dying and was screaming in agony the whole time. She screamed for days and days. It was really heart wrenching to me!

We had a nurse that insisted the lights needed to be on so they could go towards the light! I tried saying that they wouldn't go towards THAT light but she thought I was silly...same nurse thought mg=ml so I think it was time for her to stop nursing!

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