Calling experinced HH nurses with sense of humor...HELP!!!

  1. I want to make a little presentation Sat night about "HH What they forgot to tell you in orientation" i.e.

    The most frail looking old people have the tightest grips, and aren't afraid to grab any of your body parts

    That if you choose to work in home health you will be inserting a foley into an elderly woman that weighs about 90lbs, but has the strength of 10 men.
    The room will be about 100 degrees, you will be sweating like a pig. In order to insert the catheter you will be on your knees in the bed with a pen light in your mouth and your elbow will be trying to hold her knees apart...oh yeah and don't forget sterile technique because this is the last catheter you have in your car and you are about 65 miles from your office.

    Come on you guys are really good, help me out...what did they forget to tell you in orientation???!
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   sanctuary
    That that smell is not a cat-box.
    That it does not take much training to be a HH Aide.
  4. by   DutchgirlRN
    Bump:uhoh21:
  5. by   DDRN4me
    that it IS possible to store an entire decade of newspapers in your living room

    not all LOLs are adorable... or clean.

    that having a family member living with someone does not guarantee good care.

    "clampett families" really do exist

    that some people should not be allowed to reproduce... and those are the ones that do most frequently!

    sorry if these sound mean... not intending to but they are sad but true!!
  6. by   Jo Dirt
    That in the rural areas you will have to try to find your way without road signs (and you can't call for help because not only are you in the middle of nowhere but your cell phone signal is nonexistent).
  7. by   DutchgirlRN
    Quote from DDRN4me
    that it IS possible to store an entire decade of newspapers in your living room not all LOLs are adorable... or clean.
    that having a family member living with someone does not guarantee good care."clampett families" really do exist that some people should not be allowed to reproduce... and those are the ones that do most frequently!
    sorry if these sound mean... not intending to but they are sad but true!!
    :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat:
  8. by   Jo Dirt
    That just because you call and they say they will be home before you drive 30 miles out of the way doesn't mean they will be home when you arrive.

    That some clients think your duties include cleaning house, washing clothes, dishes, cooking and running errands.

    That some clients really don't have a bathroom, running water or electricity.
  9. by   DutchgirlRN
    Quote from motorcycle mama
    That in the rural areas you will have to try to find your way without road signs (and you can't call for help because not only are you in the middle of nowhere but your cell phone signal is nonexistent).
    AMEN Sister! Happened to me this week. Stuck in the mud, no cell phone service...

    That just because you call and they say they will be home before you drive 30 miles out of the way doesn't mean they will be home when you arrive.
    Bubba is a chronic COPD'er with a trach. Sorry he ain't here he had to run to the store for beer and cigarettes!

    Or...the CA pt who has staples post op on his face and from the bottom of his right ear, down the neck, across the chest down past the nipple, to the pubic bone...Peg Tube for nutrition and you catch him pouring Bud Light down the tube along with his crushed pain med.
    Last edit by DutchgirlRN on Dec 15, '06
  10. by   Wgbem
    These are the funniest things because humor or not, we all know these are the truth.

    Thanks for the laugh!
  11. by   Wgbem
    I have another one.... the family member invites you to come into their home for the first time to see their frail mother and tell you that they have 2 big dogs roaming around the home for protection but tell you to go in because "THEY DON'T BITE."
  12. by   nurseangel47
    How 'bout the lol who lives in a trailer with an entire room FULL of cats....about twenty of them...and the trailer itself is so infested with cat pee fumes you find yourself cutting off that portion of your total inhalation system in the back of your nose so that you're getting oxygen, you just are breathing like when you have a head cold, enough going in to support life, just holding back so the urine smell doesn't make you STOP breathing altogether! Oh, or keeping a small jar of vicks vaporub in your scrub pocket to dab a bit under the nose so you CAN breathe while doing a QUICK assessment of this lol?
    No joke, twenty cats confined to one room....now correct me if I'm wrong on this....how often would one need to change the kitty litter box (boxes?)
    in that one cat room for twenty cats ??? No WONDER the entire trailer reeked! Geeezzz! Can we say crazy ol' lady w/cats?

    another: one of my first oncall patients in hospice actually thought that hospice nurses were allowed and in place in his home for services to assist him with euthanasia!!! Honestly, he thought we could give him a series of three meds to end his misery when he got tired of fighting the good fight!
    He was also very fond of a pet hamster he'd had who had been cremated and was in a lovely urn on top of a credenza near where he sat a lot. He also had an urn already picked out for his looming death/cremation. The hamster's was a lot nicer....his looked like a quickie purchase from a cheap home decor store....!
  13. by   Jo Dirt
    Quote from nurseangel47
    How 'bout the lol who lives in a trailer with an entire room FULL of cats....about twenty of them...and the trailer itself is so infested with cat pee fumes you find yourself cutting off that portion of your total inhalation system in the back of your nose so that you're getting oxygen, you just are breathing like when you have a head cold, enough going in to support life, just holding back so the urine smell doesn't make you STOP breathing altogether! Oh, or keeping a small jar of vicks vaporub in your scrub pocket to dab a bit under the nose so you CAN breathe while doing a QUICK assessment of this lol?
    No joke, twenty cats confined to one room....now correct me if I'm wrong on this....how often would one need to change the kitty litter box (boxes?)
    in that one cat room for twenty cats ??? No WONDER the entire trailer reeked! Geeezzz! Can we say crazy ol' lady w/cats?
    This is so common. On Animal Planet Cops they call these people "animal hoarders." We have had two such patients. The filth and odor would nearly knock you down, it was ground into their skin, I don't even think you could clean it off them. In one trailer, the cats (at least 20) were literally snatching food out of this old couples hands as they ate! And what the cats didn't get the roaches did. It was literally a hell hole. And APS can/will only do so much.

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