I'm a mom to a 15 month old and I'm in need of a bit of support, tips, suggestions. Ive been a RN in a huge pediatric hospital for the past 4.5 years- 2 years in the NICU and the last 2.5 in a level one pediatric trauma center.. First of all, I love my job. I have fantastic co- workers, supportive management and a loving husband.
But- ever since I had my son last year I keep getting these panic attacks picturing him coming in as an arrest while I'm at work. It's vidid, it's detailed, ITS HORRIFYING. They were much worse right after I gave birth- so I chalked it up to postpartum anxiety and it got better. Now I'm pregnant with my second child and these thoughts are coming back. I'll be sitting in bed and I'll check my sons monito and just imangine waking up in the morning and him be dead of SIDS. What would I do? I go through a play by play in my head. It's so sick.
Am I completely batshit? I love my job and couldn't imagine leaving the support of my co workers. I feel like I've already seen what I've seen so there's no point in uprooting my whole career at this point because it won't keep me from "going there".
Do any other Nurse moms ever get these feelings? Tips to keep them at bay? Thoughts? Anything?
Thanks for reading.