Nursing & Depression - page 29

While visiting in the lounge one day, we discovered that every nurse there was on an anti-depressant. I have had 'Treatment Resistant Depression' for about 20 years--as long as I've been a nurse. ... Read More

  1. by   cargal
    Heather,
    Thanks for the update. Hope you feel reeaalll better soon. How are the kids taking all this? How many do you have?

    Will be watching for updates
  2. by   sphinx
    I'm wiaiting for the doc to call me back, cuz my uvula is so swollen it touches the back of my tongue. It's just gotten worse. I can breath and swallow, but I feel it all the time. My husband looked in my throat and his inexperienced eye says he saw "white stuff".
  3. by   sphinx
    I was hoping I could come on here by now, and say that with the pain gone, I was seeing a ray of hope. Wrongola.. Well, here's the real deal. First, the big bad gallbladder pain is gone. I still feel beat up and bruised from surgery, but not bad, tylenol does a good job on it mostly.....(oh, and to answer your question, my 2 boys, ages 10 and 13 are taking it pretty well. My youngest was crying the night beforehand, but turns out he just didn't understand it was gonna be a real minor surgery and was kinda worried I wouldn't be around for a while, like when I had my hyst in May)......But you know, nothing ever is "normal" with me, nothing ever goes "by the book".From the get go, my throat felt more sore than I ever recalled. i figured, well, it was maybe just a little more rough intubation, just irritated....then my throat just started to swell, my uvula swelled up so big it rested (oh, and still does) on the back of my tongue. See my above post, where 2 days after the surgery I called the on-call doc to tell him this as well as the fact that my husband saw "white stuff" (hmmmmm, now what could that be??????)....his answer...it's nothing, give it time, it'll go away. I think, now, I think it's yeast, but I didn't see it with my own eyes, so I'll wait. The next day, Monday, my mom visits. My throat is way worse. She looks in my throat, as an expereinced mom (I always had strep as a kid) and a nurse......at that time my glands weren't swollen, but I did have swelling inside my throat and uvula, and (surprise) what appeared to be yeast in my throat. I called the surgeon's office yet again.....BIG MISTAKE.....thinking, they caused it, they should fix it.......and talked to their NP. She tells me, get this now........try SUCRETS and call in 2 days if not better. I'm like Uh, I don't think that will help......she's like, just try it-click. The next day I wake up feeling worse than ever (and BTW, sucrets numb your tongue not your throat), and my mouth tastes like garbage. I go in the batroom and roll out my tongue which is just coated (thickly) with white goo. Yup, I've looked into enough babies' mouths to recognize thrush when I see it. Plus my mouth (tongue, lips, gums) burn. So again I call this NP back to tell her, uh, yeah, like I said I have thrush, I am 99.9% positive, can I please have a perscription? Well, left a message with the receptionist for the NP to call. The receptionist calls and says the NP wants me to come in so she can see my throat. So I drag myself in, along with my son, wait forever, and then the surgeon himself strolls in. He says "let me see" so I stick out my tongue". He says "what, don't you want to show me?" and I realize he's talking about my incisions so I hike up my shirt and show him (the 1 good thing to come of this, I won't have to go back next week), then stick my tongue out again. He says "nice bit of thrush you got there, are you being treated for it?" I'm like "that is why I am here! Your NP told me to come!" He's like "oh, I'll get you something, but if it's not better in 2 days you should see your pcp" (I'm thinking, wish I had along, doofus). So he writes me for Mycelex Troches. Now, you might not agree with me here, but I sort of am not sure if this is appropriate for *me*.....I know it is used for thrush, I know it works, yadda yadda.......I know that, yes it does go down your throat. But my thinking is, when I suck on these foul things, I feel most of it soak into my tongue, and wonder just how much does trickle down my throat? And this infection most definatly started in my throat and is most likely worse there (but who knows, cuz the Dr never LOOKED)......so, is it really getting where it is needed adequately? I'd thought Diflucan would be more likely, or a combination of the 2, hitting it on both fronts (systemic and topical). So, instead of waiting till tomorrow, I only waited one day and called my PCP today. It took more than half the day to even get them to call me from the machine. My dr is on emergency family leave, so things are crazy there, but geez! Then I played pass the message between the receptionist and some nurse. At first they said to call back the surgeon and I told them he'd basically said he'd basically said to leave it to my PCP anyway, plus he pretty much signed off on me......so then they are like, well, the office is closed right now, we are just doing paperwork.....can you maybe wait till tomorrow? Or maybe you can go to the ED? (holy moses!, for thrush!, just call in a damn script, I know there is an NP there, and a covering doc!......and I am WELL known there!!!!)or I could go to an after hours clinic (uh huh, another brill idea).
    Can you tell I am kinda pissed? Well meanwhile I am being good and sucking on these nasty tasting troches and not noticing a damn bit of difference, except perhaps maybe right dead center in my tongue. My throat is still a mess. I have eaten practically nothing in 2 weeks. I have an average of a bowl of soup and some jello each day. whoopie! NOt like I'll waste away, but.......
    anyway, of course I am moody and tearful throughout.....my husband has noted I am more "angry", ie quick to temper than normal, as well. This is such a fun ride, but can I puhlease get off now?
    Thanks for listening to yet another wild rant! (bad spelling and all)
  4. by   sphinx
    Well, I've been venting all over the place lately.......btw, got the above all taken care of after seeing the NP at my PCP office who agreed that the troches weren't adequately treating my throat, esp after the initial several days of being blown off...am now on nystatin swish and swallow, and had a dose of diflucan. But enogh of THIS!

    My MOOD!!! I have been so ERRATIC this week. I have been having wild extreme mood swings, all within a day, each day. I can be extremely depressed and tearful, or insanely angry, snapping off at people at nothing at all (irritable doesn't describe it), the be laughing hyterically at some totally stupid thing, like ready to wet myself laughing, meanwhile, I am exhausted, it's been exactly one week from surgery and the past several days I have not rested during the day at all (heck, since Tuesday, maybe Monday!)...I get stuck, esp with this damn computer, sit here all day on the couch with it on my lap, even though I know I need to stop and lay down, I don't, it's like an obsession, I just can't STOP until I have to pee bad or something, then I say I won't get back on the computer, but I'll see I have a mail, so I think oh I'll just check it then I'll lay down, but one thing leads to another and I am trapped, or my mind gets stuck, anyway......and it's not like I am feeling good, I am tearful half the time it happens, beating myself up, angry with myself, frustrated. I sleep well at night, but am waiting till 11 to go to bed and getting up at 7 with the kids. Let me tell you, I feel like I am going totally INSANE.
    I never see anyone else around, and I feel like I have chased everyone away with my incessant ranting and babbling. that makes me sad, and I really apologize. This isn't the only place I come for support, although it might appear that way. I have 2 other places online, both set up for support, my husband, friends,and also my psychiatrist. I was supposed to see him yesterday but postponed it till next week cuz of my surgery (thought I wouldn't be up to it, not knowing I'd be like I am). So I am not like totally depndent on you all, I don't want you to think that, if that is why you are shying away. Or, of course, you all have lives of your own, busy lives, your own problmes, etc (leave it to me to blame everything on myself). OK, I really will shut up now.
  5. by   RN2B2005
    I'm just a lowly pre-nursing student, but on this topic, I have to say, senior member 'teeituptom' is definitely off base and a discredit to the nursing community.

    Tom, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 22. The funny thing about depression is, when it actually hits YOU, self-diagnosis is (contrary to your statement about "alledged (sic) depression") almost impossible...you can't imagine feeling any other way than what you're feeling now, you literally can't remember being happy, or if you can, it seems like it was some other person's happiness, not yours. Severely depressed people are the least likely to commit suicide primarily because when you're severely depressed, you can't even contemplate showering, let alone getting it together to kill yourself--too much effort.

    At any rate, I was diagnosed five years ago. I've been on Zoloft and Wellbutrin SR with occasional doses of Xanax ever since. Not being the talk-therapy sort, I find medication alone works well. I stayed on the meds through my pregnancy (even though at least one ill-informed prospective pediatrician advised me not to) and bore a healthy baby boy. The key thing for you to understand, Tom, is that depression (or any other mental disorder) is as real as any other disease process, and is not something 'made up' (to paraphrase) or something that golfing or any other distraction will cure. Both my grandfathers were well-educated and loved golf--but both suffered untreated depression and both died from self-inflicted gunshot wounds.

    Do nurses suffer more depression than others? I don't know. Perhaps we are more likely to be around people who can help us or recognise signs of distress, and therefore more likely to be diagnosed. I just hope patients who need help, and your colleagues looking for help, don't run into you.
  6. by   Youda
    sphinx, I think we've just run out of ideas and suggestions; there are many excellent ideas and viewpoints on this thread. Have you tried them all yet (rhetorical qustion)? With depression, as hard as it is, you aren't going to get better until you start to help yourself. If it were me, I'd have sure tried to keep my appointment with the shrink. We all know how hard it is to deal with depression so please take that in a friendly and caring context.
  7. by   sphinx
    ummmmm, I suppose I'd come to feel a sense of support here, not that I wanted answers most times. At sometimes, yes.....but others, most posters, like the nurses we are, offerred up advice readily on their own (you know, that " I want to help", kind of thing). A lot of the advice given specifically yo me has been in regard to my medical complaints, which I have indeed done things about, hence seeing a GI specialist, was tested, now know I have gastritis (think I mentioned), and of course the gall bladder problems, which frankly I shouldn't have anymore now that I am sans gallbladder (I no longer have the pain, only a slight bruised feeling, and that doesn not even require tylenol) Some of the suggestions were to try a certain med or another....of course I couldn't have tried them all yet, as that is not my decision alone, but psychiatrist's as well, and he is, as I've mentioned, quite cuatious and conservative. I actually quite like that in him, as in the past I have had at least one, who was switching meds faster than I could blink an eye! Of course I realize your question was rhetorical, but the feeling you seem to have that I am not trying to help myself is not true. Like I tried to point out, I do have other sources of support. I do have a psychiatrist. (which is more than a lot of depressed people have, some are managed by their pcp, who are not experts in mental health), I take my meds religiously, even when I feel they are not working, I have contracted with my psychiatrist that if I have a plan, I will call him first, and have kept to that plan. (this was made after my last incident). As for my appointment with my psychiatrist, I postponed it a from Thursday evening to Tuesday morning, hardly a long gap, and at least I didn't just cancel it. At the time I made the change, the day before my surgery, I was anticipated that at a day shy of one week after my surgery, I may be tired (I am), still on painkillers and unable to drive (I take only as needed, and hadn't needed since yesterday, and then only once, but I had no way of knowing that then......)
    I know you are just trying to be, as you say, frinedly and caring, but it has been said more than once, ealier in the thread, what a supportive thread this has become. Thus my thinking of it as supportive, rather than informative. I'll have to remember that for the future. I'm sorry if I've been doing it the "wrong" way.
  8. by   sphinx
    ummmmm, I suppose I'd come to feel a sense of support here, not that I wanted answers most times. At sometimes, yes.....but others, most posters, like the nurses we are, offerred up advice readily on their own (you know, that " I want to help", kind of thing). A lot of the advice given specifically yo me has been in regard to my medical complaints, which I have indeed done things about, hence seeing a GI specialist, was tested, now know I have gastritis (think I mentioned), and of course the gall bladder problems, which frankly I shouldn't have anymore now that I am sans gallbladder (I no longer have the pain, only a slight bruised feeling, and that doesn not even require tylenol) Some of the suggestions were to try a certain med or another....of course I couldn't have tried them all yet, as that is not my decision alone, but psychiatrist's as well, and he is, as I've mentioned, quite cuatious and conservative. I actually quite like that in him, as in the past I have had at least one, who was switching meds faster than I could blink an eye! Of course I realize your question was rhetorical, but the feeling you seem to have that I am not trying to help myself is not true. Like I tried to point out, I do have other sources of support. I do have a psychiatrist. (which is more than a lot of depressed people have, some are managed by their pcp, who are not experts in mental health), I take my meds religiously, even when I feel they are not working, I have contracted with my psychiatrist that if I have a plan, I will call him first, and have kept to that plan. (this was made after my last incident). As for my appointment with my psychiatrist, I postponed it a from Thursday evening to Tuesday morning, hardly a long gap, and at least I didn't just cancel it. At the time I made the change, the day before my surgery, I was anticipated that at a day shy of one week after my surgery, I may be tired (I am), still on painkillers and unable to drive (I take only as needed, and hadn't needed since yesterday, and then only once, but I had no way of knowing that then......)
    I know you are just trying to be, as you say, frinedly and caring, but it has been said more than once, ealier in the thread, what a supportive thread this has become. Thus my thinking of it as supportive, rather than informative. I'll have to remember that for the future. I'm sorry if I've been doing it the "wrong" way.
  9. by   Youda
    sphinx, I sure didn't mean to make you feel that you were doing something "wrong" or that I was making a criticism. If my clumsy, klutzy approach offended, then I truly apologize.
  10. by   sphinx
    geez, why did that post twice? I wasn't trying to get a point across by doing so, haha.

    youda, everything offends me, it's not you. I take on the guilt of the world. everything is my fault and I do it all wrong. In my head I know that not to be true, but tell it to my heart. I think I just need a little break, is all. And that is *my* problem, not anyone elses. I own up to it.
  11. by   Youda
    Like I said, I think we're just out of ideas. We're depressives, you know? Don't make us think too hard! LOL!! There's some great nurses at allnurses. Why not start a new thread and ask for ideas about the physical stuff? Maybe you can get a new perspective on it.
  12. by   sphinx
    Well, I guess I don't feel I *need* more ideas on the physical stuff........I mean, I had 2 things taken care of, plus earlier this year, another major problem was taken care of......the thrush is a result of the surgery (intubation) and is being treated.....and the other stuff (namely exhaustion) is likely related to my depression, although I am having a couple more blood tests squeezed in. And like I said before, in terms of the depression, at this point, I only need support (which is all I ever really needed), and I'm sorry I lead anyone to believe that I wanted someone to solve all my problems, because that was never the case.
  13. by   GRNYCASSIRN
    I, too, thought Tom's reply was a bit flippant. I remember having depressive episodes when I was a very small child. I've been on antidepressants for about 12 years or so and they have been a life saver for me. I only wish they had been available when I was in high school. I agree that nursing attracts a great many people from dysfunctional background. The old "wounded Healer syndrome" I've always called it. When things threated to be a bit much, I just tell myself "You've olny got two hands, there is only so much you can do, you can only do one thing at a time. And you've just got to decide that the guilt train will no longer stop at your station. The day I learned how to say "NO" and not feel guilty was one of the best days of my life. If anyone is so inclined to adopt my mantra, drop me a line and let me know if it helps. Goddess bless.

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