Nursing & Depression - page 12

While visiting in the lounge one day, we discovered that every nurse there was on an anti-depressant. I have had 'Treatment Resistant Depression' for about 20 years--as long as I've been a nurse. ... Read More

  1. by   sphinx
    hey, carpe_de_em....maybe we are doubles, sounds like similar stories, that's for sure. While it's comforting to know I'm "not alone", it is always distressing to hear of people who have been, or are going through similar (or worse) things. My psych doc recently increased my dose of Topamax (part of my current cocktail). I am waiting and seeing. I've maxed out he dose of my current antidepressant, which is the one that has worked best for the longest amount of time, so I hesitate to have him change it (not many options anyway, in that regard). It's about time to break out my light box too, I think.
    Meanwhile, the job I've been at the past couple years is getting to be so very stressful, working a good 50-60 hours a week. I just can't handle that. I love so many aspects of it (I'm in homecare), but I've been thinking for a long time now that it is getting to be more than I can handle. So I am looking into other options. Chnaging jobs while falling into a depression is not easy, but in the long run it may be what "saves" me.
    Take care, all!
  2. by   Youda
    I notice in myself that prolonged periods of stress (not just an occational bad day), seems to "trigger" my depression. I can be going along just fine, then I feel myself start to slip back down into the pit. Then it takes me a long time to crawl back out of it. Has anyone else noticed a relationship between crazy stress and your depression?
  3. by   sphinx
    stress....yes, definately.........I can see that, when I'm under an extra amount of stress, a crash is sure to follow (most times).
  4. by   micro
    Yes.
    Like too much is too much........and you go along b........and then all of a sudden, you are not your happy smiley self........
    and you say, wth again...........
    and reevaluate ...............
    and either.......
    sorry for the dotty answer,
    just tired and gonna get some rest,
    one day at a time
    hey all
    youda, smileyes, carpe de em, mjlrn87, adrie, sphinx, kara
    etc.........
    and not discluding anybody that has never felt the touch of this thing we discuss.........
    DEPRESSION it don't get healed through water
    it don't mix with water
    , sometimes there is a place for humour and sometimes not.....
    just mho, and i know this is a sensitive soapbox topic of mine,

    later,
    smiling micro
    Last edit by micro on Sep 24, '02
  5. by   ktwlpn
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by micro
    [has never felt the touch of this thing we discuss.........

    , sometimes there is a place for humour and sometimes not.....
    just mho, and i know this is a sensitive soapbox topic of mine,

    >>>>I have to agree with you there...obviously this thread matters to many of us and is beneficial in some way.We keep coming back-it's a great place to be supportive of each other...I find some of the inane comments made to this subject highly offensive...of course as one whom is being treated for depression I may be a bit sensitive...The last thing I want to hear are comments at work about my up-beat personality when my meds are working well...or comments here about what I need to do to get better-often posted by people with little knowledge of the disease of depression and less then zero understanding of it.....Can you tell that I am having a problem with my meds at the moment? My delicate balance has been affected-I hope that we an discover another regimen that works for me without the side effects that I have recently been experiencing...I do not LIKE to feel this way...I do NOT enjoy being miserable...having no energy..no will to live...And-no-Death is not to be embraced-nor is it "my friend" I do have a family that depends on me...and I have to hold on for them.....I love them and hate they way I make them feel when I am miserable and I lash out....
  6. by   Youda
    {{{{{{ktwlpn}}}}}}} I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Most of the posters on this thread know exactly where you are. You're right about it being a delicate balance. Heck, if you do what I do, you're even rough on yourself, nevermind anyone else (although few understand). I have company coming from out-of-town this weekend. So, I spent all day yesterday cleaning my house and constantly whipping myself about, 'why didn't you dust this sooner?' 'Why do you let the stove get like this, you slob!' Then, I have to stop and tell myself to stop doing that to myself, because depression is just like that. Make you feel so fatigued that doing anything is a major effort.

    Well, I told you that, so you'd remember to be good to yourself, too. It isn't your fault when you feel like a witch and you're irritable! Hang in there!
  7. by   VivaLasViejas
    ktwlpn: It's OK to share your feelings with those around you. In my own experience, people handle my bad days better when they understand WHY I am being a miserable b****, rather than being left to guess at it. Whenever I'm going through a bad patch, I try to give my family and friends a heads-up by telling them something like, "Sorry everybody, but I feel like crap and I'm not going to be in a very good mood, so please just leave me alone as much as possible until I can work my way out of this". It doesn't always work, of course, but at least no one can say they weren't warned!

    It's only fair, really. We depressives tend to become so self-involved when we get down, and we forget that there are other people in the world, and that they don't necessarily know how to "read" us. I know there are lots of times when we want to yell "Stop this life, I wanna get off!!" but realistically, most of us can't just hide out when we feel that way.

    Hope this helps.
  8. by   micro
    ktwlpn
    hey, glad to come back to this thread and see that i am not the only one coming back
    hang in there, do what you gotta do.....with the medication and changes with your doc.....there is a fine balance......
    #1 is you, care for yourself and then for others.........

    oh, yeah.....those inane comments about "our happy pills"..........
    and the it is in the water.....ya da ya da ..........
    oh, I wish to be one of those "happy, smiley people" but

    kwtlpn and others............I know that I am a real person.
    I do not try to be somebody that I am not, anylonger. It helps with life and with my own acceptance of self.
    One day at a time,
    take care of #1,
    love and peace within,
    micro

    no wisdom today, just wanted to share..........:stone
    Last edit by micro on Sep 29, '02
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    micro.....i always appreciate your slant on things. i WISH a cure were easy. in the water.....what a concept..... I guess nothing worth pursing really ever is....easy......i hate being moody and sad.....i hate feeling like never getting out of bed and getting dressed.......i am so up and down thru life i wonder at my sanity at times......but i go on......i can say i have cried so much in the last two weeks...my eyes literally looked bloody.......it really sucks...but it's when the crying STOPS that is the scariest....it's when i really get bad/down.....and then....well forget it......

    ...but back to nursing and depression...if ANYthing, like i said before.....it does not make it worse in MY case...if anything, it puts things in perspective for me.....making me remember others have it much worse than i do...

    ..oh and yes, to head off a severe bout due to my situation, i am now on medicine for a while......because i know me....and i will be down bigtime if i don't head it off......ahh how i hate this.......i feel for all who have been where i am now....
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Sep 29, '02
  10. by   sphinx
    When I work, I usually can put on a different persona....not the "real" me, it is almost like acting. The worse I feel, the more I try and act normal. What gets me in trouble is when I get a patient who also suffers from depression. I currently have one with postpartum depression and one with PTSD and depression. It's very hard.....I feel so much empathy, I practically start crying myself. Not very therapeutic. But anyway, when I am actually interecting with patients I usually manage ok. It's the in between. It is so hard to get up and going. In past jobs, I've not been able to go at all. Recently at my current job I've called in sick because I was so depressed I couldn't function. When I do get up and going, it's hard....I minimize time in the office to only when absolutely necessary. When I travel from one patients house to the next images involuntarily pop into my head....of wrecking my car, etc etc (we won't go there). I usually pull myself together. But 2 weeks ago I couldn't, had to pull over....broke down and couldn't fix myself....my husband had to come get me. The job I am in now is so stressful. Way too much overtime. Large caseloads, unrealistic demands (must meet productivity, yet need to cut down on number of visits for reimbursement issues). Stupid stuff. Political stuff. All I want to do is get in there with my patients. Ugh. I could go on and on. But I won't rant, it's pointless to work myself up.
    Weekends depress me. Isn't that silly? From the time I wake up on Saturday, all I can think of is how long it will be till the weekend is over. I think every thing I do is wasting my time to relax. Nothing ever gets done. Time slips away from me, and before I know it, the weekend IS over, and then I'm back to work. Or worse, if it's a weekend I'm on call, it's been so busy lately, I've worked 8-10 hours both days, after working 5 10 hour days, and knowing full well I'll be working 5 more 10 hour days. Those are the days I want to just sleep and never wake up. Just a gentle sleep, pleasant dreams (but of course the meds give ya such weird dreams so that ruins that, haha....). OK, I'm rambling now, ya'll probably think I'm a nutcase. I guess I am, haha. Anyway, hope you're all having a better weekend than me. I am freaking because I have a second interview for a job I really want, one that seems to have a bit less stress involved, certainly fewer hours. I was told never more than 40 hours, ever. No weekends, ever. No holidays, ever. (it is an office position). So I really want the position, but am petrified they'll discover my many character flaws....ie, I'm a depressive, nutcase, loner, whatever. Oh forget it, I'm just catastrophizing (love that word).
    Over and out.
  11. by   micro
    smiling eyes, good to hear from you.....
    work is very good sometimes for getting out of self
    but be yourself and allow yourself to be yourself.........
    and your eyes are beautiful, teary or not.......
    micro

    sphinx,
    finding out the real you, with character flaws and all.......
    depressive, "nutcase", loner, "catastophizing...........
    you sound all right to me.........

    sanity > insanity.....................life all part of a continuium.......
    the biggest thing is being true to yourself..........
    and being good to all, bringing no harm.........
    starts with yourself.........#1
    micro

    and to all,
    publicly micro here
    no wisdom, just typitive(hehehehehe talkative )
  12. by   Youda
    Thank you for posting, sphinx. I'm not just saying that. Thank you. You said some things I've never told anyone about what I go through. Like the car thing. It's almost a relief to know that someone else feels the same way. Almost a relief, because there are still those nasty panic attacks. One time I had to turn the car around and go back home, because I was convinced I was having a heart attack, SOB, couldn't breathe. As soon as I shut the door, back home, all the sx went away.

    If you're a nut case, then we both are.
  13. by   sphinx
    I just had to come back to this thread. It's the weekend, and once again, I find myself in a frenzy because it draws to a close. I think of all I "should have done", like clean the bathroom, plant bulbs, neaten up the house, etc......and what I still *have to do*, like finish up Friday's paperwork from Friday. This past week at work was absolute H*ll. The worst yet, and there's been some doozies. All because of our new software. Now, I'm one who actually likes computers, gadgets, etc! I've been dying to start using it, and am one of the few who has been using the laptop exclusively, rather than using paper for a lot of stuff......but it's kicking my butt, that is for sure. Long hours of overtime. It seems like I am at every patients house forEVER, and some have even commented "does it always take this long?" (little do they know, that with all the documenting I am doing in their home, I go home and spend several more hours on it!) I know it will all fall into place, and I am already getting faster as I learn my way around the assessment, what they ask, where, etc. But it's been killing me. And I'd been sliding into a depression already. I had one of my meds raised, but my psych doc wants to leave things as they are for a while now. I am not getting enough sleep, I am like a walking zombie. I have not slept this weekend, because I worry and worry about "wasting" my time, when all I do is lay around and watch tv or surf the net anyway,oh and go out to eat. Then here's this weekend, blessed time off, and what do I do? Obsess the whole time about going back to work on Monday. I have always been on the obsessive side, I just don't know how to stop, although I try, I really do. Then I just get depressed, more tired, more....UGH!!!!!! I am so not looking forward to this week. I had 2 interviews for an office job, which seemed to go ok, and I'd love the job, certainly sounds less nutty, but it's been a week and no word. I can't help but think I am out of the running. I know a week is not long, but it's just a "feeling" I have. Maybe just being negative, but all I can think is, I won't get this job, I'll be stuck doing what I'm doing till I retire, hobbling up to people's doors in the snow and rain with my laptop, nurses bag, and baby scale over my shoulder pounding on the door, probably with a cane in one hand (osteo-runs in the family....my mom had a THR at age 57). Ugh, now if that image doesn't make one suicidal, I don't know what does! Oh wait, I know....it's the image of my coming home after that day, staying up till 10pm doing my d**n paperwork. Ugh!
    Thanks for listening to my rant!!!
    sorry for any typos, too lazy to look back for errors, sorry.
    Last edit by sphinx on Oct 6, '02

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