Nurses with PCOS? Or Advice?
IN ADVANCE: SO sorry if this is long...
I am wondering if any of you pre nursing students, student nurses or nurses have PCOS or even any advice on how I can best deal with this.
I am NOT looking for medical advice just to get that out but if you have any it's welcome. My dilemma is more emotional and I am needing to know how to cope with this.
As a teen, I had lots of "issues" and despite the MANY doctors and specialists I went to nobody was able to tell me what's wrong, they just handed me pills to treat the symptoms. As I got older I kept researching and found out I have PCOS *polycystic ovary syndrome*.
I finally made an appt with the third endocrinologist and before he could start talking I told him what I think I had. He was taken back by all my "research" and said he agreed. After MANY tests, he diagnosed me with PCOS.
We tried different things but not much worked and I've learned to manage it with no pills.
A couple of years ago my "biological clock" started ticking..very loudly. We happen to get pregnant unexpectedly after almost 4 years during a happy time and was sooo happy. My dream was coming true and I didn't even have to try.
Well, to make a long story short, I lost the pregnancy at 18 weeks and 1 day due to PPROM.
May 14th, 2010 two weeks before my Birthday and two weeks after Mother's day. WORST day or event I have ever been through doesn't describe what I went through. It happened out of nowhere, I had a horrible doctor, my dream was lost and my little daughter was gone. Just when I thought I should be "safe".
I had two very early miscarriages before so when I passed 12 weeks I tried to relax. It's been rough to deal with it, I have support in a way but noane can really understand. My OB has 35 yrs of experience and is a well known dr around here and he treated us like dirt. I found out he did an autopsy 5 weeks after because I got a bill from the lab. He didn't even call, not to mention he didn't come to the delivery, give me any options, talk to me or even schedule an appt after delivery. I was disappointed to say the least.
I am embarrassed to say I am almost envious of those with kids and mad at the ones who don't appreciate the blessing.
We tried to get pregnant again using Clomid but I ended up in the ER for three cycles while on the lowest dosage, doctor was an idiot and wasn't even monitoring me so I stopped and decided it was too much and I need a break. We aren't preventing now but not trying. I am NOT monitoring my O's or anything and when I am ready we'll see a reproductive endocrinologist.
NOW, here is my dilemma, how will I be able to manage things like labor and delivery clinicals or anything pregnancy related when this is on my mind. I would feel alot better if I had a baby of my own but for now I don't and all I can do is pray one day I will.
For those of you with PCOS, or maybe those that have trouble getting pregnant how did you deal?
Please don't misunderstand, I am not some evil person that hates women because they got to have kids but it's just tough to cope. I find myself avoiding all pregnancy shows, baby shows, anything baby related. I replay the events in my head every night before bed although I don't cry like I used to. I used to just break down. I still cry when I think of her and what could have been but I can control it better now.
To make matters worse, our next door neighbors have a daughter that was born a month after my daughter was due and I avoid them like the plague. Probably not the healthiest thing but...Last edit by Aly529 on Apr 17, '11
0Apr 18, '11 by Purple_ScrubsI am so sorry for your loss. I have PCOS too and in 10+ years of marriage have never been able to get pregnant. Clomid didn't work, injectible fertility meds didn't work, and I am not willing to do IVF, so we are adopting. I am adopted myself, so it is much more natural to me than fertility treatment
But to answer your question, yes, it is very difficult. When I was going through nursing school we were actively trying to conceive, and two of my unmarried classmates got pregnant by accident. About the same time, a friend of the family who was in high school got pregnant. Add to that the L&D clinicals and newborn nursery, and I was devastated. A very difficult time in my life. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if I had a pregnancy loss on top of that.
I finally sought counseling to deal with my issues. The grief of a loss of pregnancy or loss of fertility is not widely accepted as it would be if someone lost an older child, but the loss can be no less devastating. People just don't understand that, and talking to somone who let me know that I was grieving, and that it was ok to grieve, made all the difference in the world.
It took several years after giving up on fertility treatments for Hubby and I to be ready to pursue adopting. We are now almost through with our home study and hope to adopt 9 and 10 year old brothers out of the foster care system. I firmly believe that this is God's plan for my family, that these are the children who are meant to me mine.
I wish you the best and hope that you find peace with this. I understand how difficult it is when it seems like everyone around you is having babies, and half of them don't even want them. I truly do understand that anger, and that despair. Counseling can help, and there are some great online support groups for PCOS as well (there is one called something like Soul Cysters that is fantastic). Take care of yourself!
0Apr 18, '11 by Aly529Thank you so much Purple scrubs. I am glad you can relate. I actually was on the Soul Cysters forum when I was pregnant. I met some great people on there but after the loss I couldn't go back and haven't since. I can't see myself talking to someone either but maybe I should.
I'm glad you understand how hard it is to be around those who can easily get pregnant and like you said, hearing some say they don't even want the baby.
Our daughter meant the world to me even though she was only here very briefly. I've gone through stages of despair, depression, anger and everything else. I still burst into tears watching a show about someone giving birth so I try to avoid them. I can't even imagine being in L&D clinicals and putting on the brave face.
Some people even told me to be happy that at least I know I can get pregnant. Those same people told me to be happy I was dripping milk weeks after delivering and having no one to feed. They said, at least you know you've got plenty of milk.
Anyway, I'm babbling... One day at a time I guess.
1May 18, '11 by lipglossnurse, BSN, RNSorry for the long post. I don't have any advice, I'm just an RN who is suffering from PCOS, and randomly came across your post with a heavy heart.
I have made a promise to myself and to my dear husband, to never give up trying, but some days are harder than others, and most days I cry to myself, or on my husband's shoulders. So how do I deal? I don't know. I take deep breaths and I keep going. I have grown weary asking women, "What was it like when you were pregnant?"
I try to remain strong as my best girlfriends, family members, co-workers, and pretty much everyone around me swells with healthy pregnancies. The past 12 months, we have probably spent over $7k on other people's baby showers, children's 1st, 2nd, 3rd birthdays, Christenings, Christmas gifts, Godchildren...etc. My husband and I just hold hands tighter and say, "Someday...someday." And to be honest with you all, I still can't go into a Babies R Us without leaving in tears. I try to remain especially strong for the times that people come up to me, gently touch me and ask me "When are we going to see some babies?!" I used to lie and say, "Oh we're not ready yet." But within the past year, I have been coming to terms with what is happening to me physically, and I just can't really hold it in anymore. So I have started talking about the PCOS, trying to educate the people who ask me questions about it. I don't give them every single detail of my medical history, but sometimes talking about it is like a therapy...
Only it's not. And I hate the way my doctors want me to see a therapist because of the depression and the anxiety that go along with these fertility issues...Have you had a patient with a Psych history? I know it's horrible, but I just don't want it on my medical history. I'm so torn. All these doctors, so many words, and plans, but nothing yet. And when I say nothing, we've not really tried ANYTHING yet because we've been working at it (not aggressively for about 1 year). I want to believe we can overcome this with a less invasive approach. I love my job, but working the floor is stressful! I try to receive a lot of massage/bodywork, and am looking to bring a little yoga and acupuncture in my life. My constant mantra is always: ***K YOU PCOS and your stupid insulin resistance!!!! From the cramps, to the extra trips to get threaded/waxed...::shaking fist!::
Maybe I am still in a state of anger, or denial. I am just a woman who tried to do everything 'right', knowing that nothing could be perfect: 1) tried not to end up pregnant in HS 2) finished college and became an RN so I could land a steady job 3) married "The One". But having trouble conceiving?! Really? THE WAY TO CARRY ON THE HUMAN RACE, FOR REAL I CAN'T DO THAT? These are the cards we have been dealt. I always felt, that by being a woman, one of the most wonderful things you could do would be to bring a life into this world. I can't do that...right now, but I am hoping I will ONE DAY, just like I hope for anyone else in my situation. It makes me feel immensely broken. I've never felt life move within me, and I don't know if I ever will. My husband and I have only been trying (not aggressively) for about a year. So far no doctor has told me I am totally incapable of bearing children, just that it is going to be more difficult for us. So with this news, my husband and I hope...and hope...and hope...And I check my blood sugars constantly to maintain a good level, and I try to eat healthy...and I know I need to add more activity to my lifestyle....etc...My last ultrasound, my doctor said that I have plenty of eggs underlying the tiny cysts. They say I have age on my side (turning 31 soon) Within the past 6 months we have laid off a little...Partially because I'm so terrified of going back with even more bad news. So we've never tried the Clomid yet, no IVF yet although we are saving, just in case. I take Progesterone to get my periods, and it's horrible. I take the pills for 10 days and I end up with a 6day-10day period...the heavy kind. I meet so many people with this affliction, and I don't know what the rates of success are. I feel lucky to have a husband, devoted parents, family, friends, a faith...but it's really hard. ::so trying hard not to cry right about here:: I have to tell myself that if this is not meant to be, then I'll still be okay. But the truth is, I want nothing more than to hold my own child in the likeness of my husband and I, and be able to provide a loving home for her or him.
To the person who originated this post, thank you for making me feel like I had a small platform to speak. I hope you will be okay. A good support system: That's apparently how I'm dealing. And to everyone on here who is going through this, and you've experienced the losses...My heart goes out to you.
From this one nurse with angry ovaries, to another...I wish you all the best of luck...I wish you your 'miracle'. Because sometimes it feels like that's what you need? At least that's how I feel sometimes...
1Jun 1, '11 by flymomrnI feel your pain. I suffered from PCOS for many years and went through 3 1/2 years of infertility treatments without ovulating once. I then got divorced, went on Atkins diet, started working out and lost 90 pounds. I started ovulating naturally, and conceived with donor sperm on my first attempt. I had a lot of problems during that pregnancy with gestational diabetes and other issues, but gave birth to a healthy amazing baby boy.
I remember going through infertility treatments and how painful it was to be around babies, pregnant women and new moms. I took care of a baby who had down syndrome and kept getting admitted for failure to thrive. The mom was young and I had to admit this precious baby and his mom was sitting there on her cell phone saying "Well, you need to pick me up ASAP. I am not sitting here with him all day." I wanted to hurt her and steal the baby. I would have been happy with this baby, even with down syndrome and to see his mom so callous, just broke my heart. Nothing will make it easy to deal with L+D or peds, but you just have to push yourself to get through it and allow yourself to cry.
After I had my son, I had gastric bypass surgery and lost 200 pounds, and have had 2 great daughters since then. I no longer have any problems with PCOS.
Best of luck to you.