Two months ago, my husband informed me he was very unhappy with his life and has contemplated suicide. I got him into see a therapist but obviously things aren't going to fix themselves over night. From what he's said at the therapist's, part of it is because he feels like he gives and gives and gets nothing from himself. Not particularly from me, but from work and his friends. He's also depressed that his family lives so far away in Arizona. He won't talk to me about his problems at all and gets very angry and defensive when I bring anything up. Ever since I found out, I've been very depressed. I feel like part of it is my fault. I just graduated with my RN in may and school put a lot of pressure on him and on me. I also think he feels belittled because I was making more money than him.
Then, a couple weeks ago, the trouble at work starts. I have a post in the career advice forum on this. Basically, there was an accident at work that really wasn't anyone's fault but my boss fired me anyway on false accusations. The reason she gave me at the time of termination - which was yesterday - was falsifying documentation because I signed off that I changed a bandaid and the wrong date was written on the bandaid and they had a "witness" stating I didn't change the bandaid. It was absolutely ridiculous and obvious that they were trying to get rid of me. Anyway, my husband knew it was going to happen. I warned him that I had a feeling when my boss called me in for a last minute meeting on my day off. When I called him to tell him it had happened he didn't really say anything. Later, after I told him I needed some support from him, he said, "I'm sorry you got fired, but it happened at a really crappy time." and that's all he would say. It hurt me deeply and I spent most of the day crying (I didn't really care that I was fired - I knew I'd find a better job and I hated that place). Later when I tried to explain to him how he made me feel, he said I had a horrible history with jobs (I have adult ADHD, which I was only recently diagnosed with which explains the restlessness at previous jobs. Am now on meds that control the symptoms) and he said I make everything about me.
Then, today he tells me he's thinking about going to some conference at work in Ohio (we are several thousand miles from Ohio) and he thinks it will be good for him. We have a 5 year old daughter and in February I will (hopefully) have been employed for a couple months at a new job. I explained we wouldn't have child care for our daughter while I was at work because I will probably have to work nights - all the open positions I can find are for nights, which is fine with me as I prefer nights. And I said I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a new employer for a week off work. He said I shouldn't ask for a week off, that I should just ask for different hours. I tried to explain that you don't just ask for different hours - you're hired to work a certain shift and that's it. You can ask for days off but you can't just say, "Hey I know you hired me for nights but for this one week could I work days instead?" The. He cut me off, said, "Don't talk to me like that", and left the house. I wasn't talking down to him or being rude, but I was telling him something he didn't like. I'm sorry but just because you feel like you never get anything for yourself doesn't mean you should get everything you want. And why would he need to go to this conference? It's a leadership conference. He's not management nor will he ever be, according to him. He was management and he stepped down because it was too stressful. He refuses to support me through my firing from work. He makes me feel guilty for getting fired. He's been fired before and never once did I not support him. I supported him through everything.
And now I'm extremely depressed to the point of contemplating suicide. I thought about it yesterday but not today. Today I feel stronger but yesterday was bad. I cry at least once a day. I have to take Xanax three times a day just to keep myself together. So far, I'm managing to keep my daughter out of the mess. Grandma watches her a lot and she's in kindergarten. But I don't know how long I can deal with this. He's so selfish. I can't believe he said I make everything about me - I'm the one who was wrongfully terminated! I know it stresses him out but it was my job and I'm doing everything to find another job. I even took a few shifts from the temp agency I used to work for. So really, our situation isn't that bad. But it's all about him. It's taking everything in my power not to 1) punch him in the face or 2) tell him where to go.
Sorry for the long post everyone. I just needed to rant. The stress is not good. I'm afraid it's going to break me.