I currently have a sick animal at home...Him being sick has stressed me out a lot the past 24 hrs or so and that has led me to write this post. My husband has recently made remarks of how much more of a "homebody" I have become in the past few years (We've been together for a little over six years). I have noticed that, too. I feel like it started when I decided to go back to school and become a nurse. I did an accelerated 1 yr. BSN program at a tough and expensive private school. As mentioned in an earlier post, it was the most stressful time in my life and as menial as it may seem, the sudden sickness of my pet has brought up those feelings of stress again. Constant worry, a feeling deep in my stomach of utter pain. My pet is my baby. Nursing school was a similar stress because if you fail a test or you get below a certain percentage in a class, you were out. That was it. You had to wait a year to restart the program and I wasn't about to do that. I didn't have a year...my husband, then fiance had already established his career and was waiting on mine for financial reasons. He was very supportive and my super hero through school. Plus, we couldn't get married until we had money for the wedding that I wanted. I couldn't fail. I couldn't wait any longer. That gut wrenching feeling that I'm feeling today with my pet being sick, had me in it's grips the whole year of nursing school. It aged me 5 years at least. I didn't fail, thank God! But I did gain something else along with a degree...15lbs! I eventually lost the weight or most of it. I'd never really experienced stress like this before and before school, I liked to go and go. Always doing something. Outgoing for the most part and had a good attitude about life. Then I became a nurse.
After school, I started working within four weeks after graduation. My job in the NICU was nothing like starting old jobs I had and they don't teach you about the NICU in school. I was fresh and scared out of my mind for the first.....well, I'm still scared on some admissions and I've been there a year on June 4th. The seasoned nurses would say, "It takes at least 2 yrs to feel like you have a grip on things." Jeeeez...They were right. On top of the stress of school and a new job I became less social. I hadn't really noticed it except maybe in the last year. I don't like to be around big groups of people. I'd much rather be in a one-on-one conversation when socializing. I'm ok at work. I can talk to co-workers or patients without hesitation, however some days I'm more social than others. It all depends on what I have going on in my life at the time. I also work third shift which means I don't function when people normally function. I have grown accustomed to peace and quiet, rather than drinking/dancing my stresses away at a bar with a whole bunch of drunk people and loud music. My stress makes me want to just simply be home, on my couch, watching Netflix or something. I would rather visit with my sister, who is my best friend, rather than my extended family. My husband is a cop and there is always some social gathering going on in the cop world. I've turned down invitations to those more than I have gone to them. Plus, my husband who is opposite of me in terms of social interaction, (he's a social butterfly) works a lot. We both work a lot to pay down our student loan debts because we wish to purchase a home in the next 2 years. I'd rather spend precious off time with him alone when we get the chance. I've also turned down invitations to family functions, with the exception of major holidays, because I've sometimes found social interaction mentally draining. Even just going out of the house to grocery shop alone or going to the mall alone is too much sometimes. I avoid it unless I absolutely have to. I think this job and the rigorous path to get there has changed me. I love the job...I can handle the job. I'd just rather be at home when I don't have to work. My husband and I are great together. He brings out the social butterfly in me at times. Deep down, it's still in there. When he's with me I don't care to go to the grocery or shopping. I like running errands with him or anyone for that matter, but not alone.
I'm still figuring this out. I'm puzzled. If it's me just getting older and my priorities have changed, maybe? I'm 28. Sometimes I feel being a nurse takes a lot out of me that I don't have much left, plus I'm tired a lot because of working 3rd shift. It doesn't really bother me that I'm a homebody, but I don't want it to change the relationships between my family members and I. My mother is a homebody.....uh oh. I could be turning into her! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'd like insight on this if anyone has felt this way and you are a nurse or have a stressful job, I'd like to know. You may comment below if you feel you can relate. Thank you!
