You've been working as a nurse for a month. And, as you've been finding out, it's a lot different than nursing school
. You're also going through a major life change; student to employee, and suddenly you've been handed a lot more responsibilities than you have been used to having in the past.
The only people who can determine if you are cut out to be a nurse are you, your nurse educator, and your manager.
What I'm going to suggest - and I'm not afraid to admit that I've gone this route myself - is looking up your hospital's employee assistance program. It's private, so the only people who know that you're using all the resources available to you are you and whoever you see. I'm not saying this because you broke down at work and are doubting yourself right now, I'm saying this because this is a stressful time, with major life changes. New job, in a new career field that in and of itself is already high stress.
Another suggestion is to sit down, when you're feeling calm and confident, and meet with your preceptor and discuss what they feel you need to improve in, what you're doing well at, and if they have any suggestions for you. After that, take that list and meet with your nurse educator and see if you can come up with a game plan.
Thick skin comes with time and, sadly, exposure. The number one thing to remember is that it isn't you. Even in mother baby, being in the hospital is never someplace that people want to be and so their stress levels are through the roof, as well. But people aren't lashing out at you as a person, they're lashing out at whoever they see as being representative of their current situation. Letting your emotions out in a controlled situation - read, not at work if at all possible - will also help. Just make it a healthy method, and don't bottle everything up until it has to explode.
Look around here at the different tricks people use to organize their day, from their nursing brains to other systems. Because I know that I am not good enough to remember every single thing that I have to do during the day, I have a sheet of paper with a sticker for each patient. On it, I write down everything that needs to get charted or done and when it needs to be done. So med passes get written down. IV and telemetry assessments, and oh, did I document my care plans
and shift assessment? And then as it gets done, I cross it off. I have a more traditional brain for each patient that gets its own page, but that one sheet is the one that I cannot do without. It's also colored, with everything written down in a non-traditional color. Like purple. Or pink.
(True story: I cried this week because I felt like a bad nurse, that I'm a failure as a nurse. Full on sobbing in my car on my drive home, topped off with tears in the middle of Panera while I was getting my supper. In reality, I was reacting to the fact that it was just a really, really bad day and people had been dumping on me because of things outside of my control, including the fact that I had to endorse to night shift a couple of non-urgent things that I hadn't had the time to do during the day. I've been in some form of direct patient care for years and I know that I'm a good nurse.)