Anyone Bipolar???

WOW! I thought I was the only one! So happy to find myself in such good company. I was just diagnosed as BP type II or Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been miss diagnosed since I was 14yo. I am on Seroquel and Klonopin. They have been very helpful. My life was so rough my psychiatrist diagnosed me as having situational depression, also b/c none 0f the antidepressants worked on me they made me worse. I have hypomania. I have problems with rage,and irritability. I have not disclosed my condition at work. But then I am an ER nurse and we are all a little off. LOL My daughter has had 43 brain surgeries and over 50 total surgeries in the last 10 years. Has resp arrested twice on me at home. So it was assumed that my s/s were related to that. My bigest problem is that when stressed (which I almost always am) the OCD drives me crazy. I live aprox. 100 miles from work and drive back and forth on each shift. I also work nights so it throws off my Seroquel dosing when I work back to back shifts. Crazy things like I will check to make sure I have my stethascope 5 or 6 times before I leave at the door! Everything I take with me gets check over and over which causes time problems. When I pack for my 13 mo son to go to the baby sitter I do the same thing check and recheck everything. Down to silly things like perfume or enough outfits for my son. I will pack enough outfits so he can be dressed warmer or cooler with extra for diaper leaks. I will pack enough stuff that he could live there for a week not a shift. lol It is really causing problems. Anyone have advice for that? Sometimes I don't know weither to cry or laugh. I usually laugh b/c I have found that exibiting weakness only brings out abusive behavior from those arround you. Esp. in nursing. This post is turning into a rant, sorry!
Tired Brave Heart

Just wanted to say hi, yes I am still bipolar (lol) - doing fine on meds but not willing to go back to nursing real real soon.

That compulsive thing you mentioned sounds like normal for a nurse and a mom, even without a dx!

Take care

I was officially dx'd 6 years ago with BP I but am relatively stable. I work closely with my psychiatrist and therapist to keep a close watch on my moods and behavior. My husband always is the first to notice when I need some PRN meds. I am very careful about stress, sleep, diet and of course medication management.

I did get through nursing school and am just starting my first RN job. I'm not sure if I will be able to handle nights or even full time. I've always been hard on myself and taking care of my condition sometimes feels like a cop-out to me. Somehow I think I should live up to some ideal I have even with all the setbacks.

Anyway there are a lot of health care providers with mental health issues and you are not alone! I have always been pretty open about my condition (I figured it was the only way to fight the stigma) but now I haven't disclosed it on my RN license application or to my employer. I will release that info on a need to know basis. I'm very involved in mental health advocacy and community groups so I'm not hiding anything! Just make sure you take good care of yourself! Patient safety is first priority.

I believe that we, the diagnosed bipolar and otherwise mentally ill, generally are great nurses. If controlled by meds, we are equally empathetic and skilled as the "normal" staff. We are more in touch with our feelings, and if we don't recognize our symptoms. frequently a significant other or psych person will. Have you ever worked with a crabby, mean co-worker that flies off the handle for no reason, is irritable and impatient? Perhaps that nurse is suffering from mental illness, but does not have the insight to know.

To all that are anxious to start ot continue a nursing job. be good to yourself. Find a job that fits you and your personality. As for me, I am an adrenaline junkie, so I work in a ICU setting. That is not for everyone. I work per diem 12 hour night shift 2 days a week- I call my schedule. Night shift works for 2 reasons-my family obligations and I'm a bit of an insomniac. I haven't told co-workers of my BPD because I don't want them to doubt my abilities in the ICU setting, These are the things that work for me- nights, ICU, part timeand my privacy regarding my disease. The individual needs to figure out what works for themselves.

Just starting out in nursing, there is a a natural apprehension. Be good to yourselves.

Sorry for being so verbose.

I also have been diagnosed with BP2 and ADHD. Is it me or do us beepers seem to do better with the psych and/or Alzheimer patients? It seems like I understand them better than my non mentally ill co-workers. Does anyone else experience this or is it just me???

It seems that way to me too. I enjoy them too for the most part. They don't seem all that foreign, ha ha! I also do well w/ the alcoholic population - same reason, I am in recovery.

Nice to "meet" you!

Well I have a question about this....Though I am in no way asking for medical advice, Bi-Polar (manic-depressive to be exact) runs in my family and I know I have some of the symptoms... but I'm too afraid to get help because I'm afraid that when I go get a job that they will ask about that and what medications I'm on... I know Equal Oppurtunity and all that... but still... even though I have been diagnosed with clinical depression in the past when I went away for school the first year (that was a BAD year) I never saught treatment... Again I'm not asking for medical advice... but what I want to know is will this put my dreams of becomming a nurse in jeopardy because I'm afraid of being alienated due to an illness that I can't control? I really do want to get into therapy for it and I'm not afraid of disclosing this information because I think it should be talked about more in the open... *sigh* It sucks. Even tonight I was so restless that I couldn't sleep so I cleaned out my closet and packed four garbage bags of clothes to take to work and still didn't sleep and right now its 3 in the morning and I'm still not tired. I know I'm in a manic phase because I've been so antsy for about 3 weeks now and I know in a couple more weeks I'll be going down hill again. Even now I'm starting to get emotional over dumb crap.Just posting this makes me really want to get into therapy but I'm so afraid that it will affect my career plans. Usualy, I'll be stable for a good 3-4 months, then terribly depressed then for a month or two (usualy less than a month, I always feel more depressed more of the time, the manic episodes occur less frequently and for shorter durations than the depressed) I will just be on the ball and nothing can touch me, also the time when I get more aggravated and annoyed with rents and things like that. I'm not ashamed to say that I have hit rock bottom before and have made some stupid mistakes where my own life is concerened, but I really am thankful that I am alive today. I've grown a thick skin of sorts when things start bothering me, but every once in a while things still seep in and I'll just have to cry myself to sleep. So yeah.... It's funny... you never really admit these things to yourself until you're talking about it with people with similar situations...

PS took the clothes in to donate them... I just didn't randomly take in four garbage bags of clothes to my job... that would be a little... weird?

Well, as far as I know, some BON's do ask about your mental health history when getting your license. It is not a bar, they merely want a recommendation from your mental health practitioner that you can safely practice. In any case, unless I am mistaken, a private employer can't ask that. At least not where I am. I did hear that in Texas you may have to go through their TPAPN, which is what the put the nurse junkies/alcoholics through. What that has to do with being a beeper I still can't figure out.

Of course, if you aren't officially diagnosed, you can say no to that question but, I would get help...

Ha ha about the clothes, I couldn't quite figure that out

I have nights like you had. They don't mean I'm manic but they DO tell me that if I keep it up I MAY become manic - or depressed. Taking care of my sleep is a major MAJOR behavioral thing I do to keep from triggering mood swings in either direction! Almost have to force myself like a mean parent sometimes! (See the sleep hygiene thread for more). Some have to force themselves to eat. Some have to give someone else their checkbook. But I digress.

Anyway - the most important thing is you, not the outside things. Although you may not attain the outside things if you don't find out whether it IS bipolar, or depression, and start taking care of it. I ended up getting treatment for my bipolar and being on loads of meds when I went into crisis - I couldn't hold off any longer. I put myself in major jeopardy by waiting - ended up w/ a suicide attempt (1985, first time I was dx with depression) - and upon hospitalization went into a major manic state (probably triggered by an antidepressant too). This was after getting sober! which is supposed to be a good thing! (I was using alcohol to control my bipolar, probably).

I also wonder if my illness would have advanced so far, whether I'd have needed so many outpatient and inpatient hospitalizations, so many different meds that I had to try - if I had started out by taking care of it sooner - and started applying the principles I know about now. MOSTLY dealing w/ the illness spiritually. When I am not right w/ God - I am not right about anything.

Anyway - trying to say, it is going to affect your life anyway. Do you want it to make a MAJOR impact, or a more manageable one? To learn more about the illness from someone who has it and has written books, I would check out http://www.bipolarhappens.com which is a mostly behavioral management method.

I am at the point now where I am on half the meds I was on (w/ medical supervision) partly because I got Jesus! and am healing! and also using a lot of the methods I have learned from therapy, from a support group called DBSA (depression-bipolar-support-alliance, which is free AND anonymous! - you don't have to have both depression and bipolar in order to go)! Also wouldn't have made it without the help of a group of very trusted friends who truly understood and DID NOT JUDGE! (many have said that trusting people from work is iffy). Also, the internet - when I couldn't talk to people face to face, I found people - I found a way to get thru. Even tho now I wonder if I said too much ... it did save my butt!!!

The only problem I have w/ the bipolarhappens author is that she seems to tell people they can excuse their behavior because of the illness - and in instructing those who are close to people who have bipolar, she seems to imply they should understand, not blame, not get angry ... Well, if you are drunk and belligerent, it still hurts. Same w/ if you do wrong while manic or depressed - it's still wrong, and you still have to make it right - apologize, pay back the debt from the uncontrolled spending, whatever, stop the behavior in the future. That was a lesson I just recently learned - I kept excusing myself "because I was sick".

I knew there was a reason I connected w/ you Alois lol - you'll be ok. I think one of the keys has been appreciating my own quirkiness! and I do Sorry I went on so long!

*Alois*

Thanks for you help zoe and stan, I really appreciate it. I'm looking up places to go as we speak. You've been a great help. Have a great thanksgiving!