Today's Dr. Phil shocker: Nursing home abuse

brown eyed girl · Jan 8, 2013

Absolutely not! I work in LTC and A LOT family members act like the floor staff are incompetent and are mistreating or abusing their loved one yet they NEVER remove them! I don't get it! You are always rude and condescending to the staff, always threating to sue the facility, but as soon as the patient has to be transferred to the ER for further evaluation (not necessarily because of distress) and remains out of the facility for almost a week, the POA/RP NEVER OBJECTS to the hospital sending them back to the same big bad nursing home that they swear is negligent. I can't stand how they always have issues EVERY TIME THEY COME BUT THEY NEVER COME TO CAREPLAN! :madface: And the families that do have legitimate concerns and do come to all careplan meeting yet remain CHRONICALLY UNSATISFIED for whatever reason, will not remove the patient! These are also the same people who are always calling the state on the facility. What I also don't understand is WHY the facilities continue to kiss these people's behind when THEY KNOW the family is NEVER SATISFIED; when they should be saying to them in their kindest, most professional but stern tone is: We have done all that you have asked and corrected our mistakes, yet you remain unsatisfied with the care we are providing. So, since you remain unhappy, we are going to assist you in finding placement in another facility of your choosing or from this prepared list of long term care providers within in a 50 mile radius from your current address. It makes no sense in trying to "satisfy" the customer who is never satisfied. More often than not in healthcare, the customer IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

Nascar nurse, ASN, RN · Jan 9, 2013

Absolutely not! I work in LTC and A LOT family members act like the floor staff are incompetent and are mistreating or abusing their loved one yet they NEVER remove them! I don't get it! You are always rude and condescending to the staff, always threating to sue the facility, but as soon as the patient has to be transferred to the ER for further evaluation (not necessarily because of distress) and remains out of the facility for almost a week, the POA/RP NEVER OBJECTS to the hospital sending them back to the same big bad nursing home that they swear is negligent. I can't stand how they always have issues EVERY TIME THEY COME BUT THEY NEVER COME TO CAREPLAN! And the families that do have legitimate concerns and do come to all careplan meeting yet remain CHRONICALLY UNSATISFIED for whatever reason, will not remove the patient! These are also the same people who are always calling the state on the facility. What I also don't understand is WHY the facilities continue to kiss these people's behind when THEY KNOW the family is NEVER SATISFIED; when they should be saying to them in their kindest, most professional but stern tone is: We have done all that you have asked and corrected our mistakes, yet you remain unsatisfied with the care we are providing. So, since you remain unhappy, we are going to assist you in finding placement in another facility of your choosing or from this prepared list of long term care providers within in a 50 mile radius from your current address. It makes no sense in trying to "satisfy" the customer who is never satisfied. More often than not in healthcare, the customer IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

I am a DON in LTC and I just want you to know I agree with you 1000%. Unfortunately it's not my call to make either. Some of these families are absolutely insane in their demands. I've got one family member that begins every single conversation with "Good afternoon. This is Jane Doe's son the lawyer. I want you to fix ____. Call me in an hour and tell me what you did". Yea...kiss my ___sir because there is someone a lot sicker down the hall than your dear sweet (manipulative) mother. Tried to talk the administrator into assisting with alternative placement but no such luck.

psu_213, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2013

I would like to know how much a family, in some way or another, is abusing the family. Not physical abuse, but abuse none the less.

As for the lawyer comment...I had a pt on a step down floor in the hospital. He was going to skilled nursing for rehab. The family expressed displeasure in some facilities and frustration that "good" facilities did not have 'openings.' Well, our social worker was in the room was the pt's room while the daughter was making a call: "You don't have any beds?" .... "Well, I am a lawyer and..." Needless to say, none of those facilities were able to find any extra room for this poor gentleman.

SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2013

I wouldn't put a ton of credibility on a TV show. People will say anything for ratings nowadays. Not that I'm trying to deny that elder abuse exists or minimize the problem it represents, just that it is probably sensationalized on a daytime show like Dr. Phil.

A lot of LTC places suffer from understaffing, high turnover and occasionally, old facilities that may be less attractive than what families want. I recall hearing about a couple nasty cases of elder abuse a few years ago, so the public has been told all about it by the media.

I think people almost expect it now (let's face it--bad news is easy to remember) and will look for anything and call it "abuse"...like granny didn't get her fresh water for 15 minutes. Or gramps' TV wasn't working for some reason and it wasn't fixed by the wave of a nurse's magic wand.

(Aside: if anyone knows where to get one of those "magic nursing wands", please PM me!)

ElizaW · Jan 9, 2013

Oh yes, I commit "abuse" every shift. The poor resident has to wait longer than she wants to get her snacks because I have to take care of the guy down the hall who is having trouble breathing and turning blue. One man's abuse is another man's prioritization based on acuity. I'm a nurse, not a waitress. I can only do one thing at a time. If momma wants an extra cookie she's going to have to wait until everyone has their prescribed medications and treatments. Oh, and Miss Thing? If you don't like it that your mother is not getting valet service, why don't you visit more often and give back the TLC she once gave to you? I would love to do it, if I had more time.

Sheesh.

amoLucia · Jan 9, 2013

These comments are SOOOOO on target!!! I've been LTC for the last 25+ years , and like you all, I am stunned by family behaviours. But I am no longer surprised by anything anymore.

I'm amazed by families who SPY for one another and have their own little cliques, like it's their responsibility to run the place (and the industry). And they are the authorities on everything! I attribute their behaviours to their own "guilties", when their care of their sig. others was less than stellar and now they have the "guilties". So by exercising their self-importance, and being the guard for others, they assuage their 'guilties'.

In my experiences, I find it ironic when their family member returns to us and there is a such a sense of relief and gratitude to 'be home'. They truly see the difference when their Mom doesn't get OOB for the whole hospitalization, and Dad hasn't been shaved fo 5 days, and nobody takes the time to help with meals trays... I've seen major attitude adjustments with readmissions.

Not having seen that Dr Phil show, I will concede that nsg home problems DO exist out there. Crazy regulations, decreasing reimbursements, poor staffing, liimited equip/supplies etc etc etc all impact the industry. And in some extreme cases, abuse will exist.

I want to say to those folk out there (incl members of AN here) who think they can do better than nsg homes can, then do it yourself.

Of course, the media does foster the sensationalism of nsg home abuse with the "1-800-dial LAWYER"commercials. And I betcha those chronic, habitual complainers have the State DOH/Ombudsman Office on their speed-dial, also.

NurseDirtyBird · Jan 9, 2013

Then there are those family members that show up only on Easter and Christmas and complain about absolutely everything at those times. If they'd been in to visit their family member at some point before that, we may have been able to resolve these issues long ago...the valid ones anyway.

amoLucia · Jan 9, 2013

Just FYI - I didn't do that 'blocking' of the telephone number. Must be something built into the computer????

SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2013

Dr. Phil.com - Shows - Elder Abuse

Just FYI, this is the link to the preview for the episode.

In the event that you're too engrossed by this thread to stray from the page, the first segment is about a man who claims that his sister essentially bankrupted their father. The 2nd part of the show is about elder abuse and it has quick flashes of photos of bruising on arms (because well all know that elderly skin is firm, healthy and not at all prone to tearing/bruising from day to day activities), a man lying in bed with O2 on, a brief black and white view of an elderly person's mouth and another patient vaguely glimpsed lying under a blanket.

Right then.

Dr. Phil takes on elder abuse with help from UC Irvine | Center of Excellence on Elder Abuse & Neglect | University of California, Irvine

This is an article write-up that was done by the Center of Excellent on Elder Abuse and Neglect.

It actually gives useful info on how to identify elder abuse and what to do about it. For instance, identifying fear, bed sores, filth and neck bruises specifically as possible signs of elder abuse. It also encourages people to --**GASP**--keep in touch with their loved ones, like visiting or calling them on the phone!

amoLucia · Jan 9, 2013

Then there are those family members that show up only on Easter and Christmas and complain about absolutely everything at those times. If they'd been in to visit their family member at some point before that, we may have been able to resolve these issues long ago...the valid ones anyway.

Probably the same folk who show up at church services on Easter and Christmas.

Goes back to my "guilties" theory. Their lack of visiting is now compensated by their quantity of complaining. That is, making up for lost time!

redhead_NURSE98!, ADN, BSN · Jan 9, 2013

I am a DON in LTC and I just want you to know I agree with you 1000%. Unfortunately it's not my call to make either. Some of these families are absolutely insane in their demands. I've got one family member that begins every single conversation with "Good afternoon. This is Jane Doe's son the lawyer. I want you to fix ____. Call me in an hour and tell me what you did". Yea...kiss my ___sir because there is someone a lot sicker down the hall than your dear sweet (manipulative) mother. Tried to talk the administrator into assisting with alternative placement but no such luck.

Yeah right, next time he calls ask him what he EVER got accomplished in the legal system in an hour.

-redhead nurse the lawyer (lol)