Stockholm Syndrome

Specialties Geriatric

Published

  • by tokebi
    Specializes in Hem/Onc/BMT.

Well, the title is a little joke. I don't really mean it.

It's been over a week since I resigned from my job at LTC. I have been listless in everything since then. Impossible to drag my lazy ass off the bed in the morning, no appetite at all, laundry is piling up and my place is filthy.

Then, I dreamt a very long dream last night that remained vivid when I woke up. It was all about the residents at the nursing home. The context was all different and twisted in the way only dreams can be, but their faces and voices were there. I then cried for a while, missing them horribly but also feeling pathetic at realizing how much I needed them: their wrinkled faces smiling at me, the cheerful greetings, the banter, even the nonsensical gibberish of those with dementia.

I personally don't have much in the ways of family ties. I wonder if this painful nostalgia and the feeling of emptiness are what one feels when away from home and family? I wonder if I somehow ended up confusing those residents as my parents? Whatever it is, I get the feeling that this kind of attachment should not have happened. Normally I'm cool-headed, and far from emotional or sentimental. I hope this goes away. Gosh, please tell me it will go away.

Thanks for listening. I just had to let it out.

Ellekat

78 Posts

I moved often as a child, and it usually took about 6 months for me to adjust to a new "home". I would have crazy dreams involving houses, people, etc., from both my present and past places of residence.

I think what you're going through shows a great attachment to your job, but feel that the attachment is "normal" if you put in a lot of hours/didn't make an off-the-job life for yourself (hard to do if you're a nurse and have no regular hours or schedule).

I do think that if you continue to feel this way, you might consider whether depression is a factor and get treatment if needed. Also, take care to balance your life as much as you can...very difficult with some nursing jobs.

Seek counseling. Life adjustments. It is tough on nurses to separate the caring attachment from feelings of self-worth issues.

ADPIE10

195 Posts

I think that it is natural and healthy for you to miss them. It is noble and good for us to find value in those that we care for. It sounds as if you are experiencing grief for your loss: your relationship with those that you care for.

P_RN, ADN, RN

6,011 Posts

Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89.

For years after I retired I dreamed of long halls, sudden emergencies, my biggest faux pas was Walmart calls Code xxx when they need a mop, I almost went running to the area.

I think of it as sentimental dreaming not a mental problem.

tokebi

1 Article; 404 Posts

Specializes in Hem/Onc/BMT.

Thanks all. I appreciate all the advices.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

22 Articles; 9,987 Posts

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I think that it is natural and healthy for you to miss them. It is noble and good for us to find value in those that we care for. It sounds as if you are experiencing grief for your loss: your relationship with those that you care for.

ADPIE nailed it! That's exactly the way I feel about leaving the residents where I last worked, and it still makes me sad even though I've been away long enough that they've probably forgotten about me, and that's for the best. I'm sure I'd have felt better about it had it been my choice to leave and not that of my fiftysomething-year-old knees or my employer, who reduced the hours of every nurse with less than 10 years' service under their belts due to low census. But it is what it is, and I miss my 'peeps'.........we had some pretty great times together and I'll never forget them.

Still, life does go on, and soon you and I both will be working someplace else and having all sorts of new experiences. I don't think your feelings are abnormal at all, but if they persist into your next job then you should probably talk to someone. I wish you well....you are not alone!:redbeathe

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN

3,734 Posts

I think that it is natural and healthy for you to miss them. It is noble and good for us to find value in those that we care for. It sounds as if you are experiencing grief for your loss: your relationship with those that you care for.

Yep...she hit it right on the head.

How long did you work there?

kaiasunshine

83 Posts

Long term care is one of this areas in nursing where it is virtually impossible not to develop a personal relationship with many of your residents...indeed it is almost cold if you don't! I find that having the same patients/residents day in, day out, you do get to know them. You do love them. You care about them and for them and love to joke around, to chat and to develop a bond. They appreciate your kindness and no-doubt the nurses and caregivers become like children or grandchildren to them, so what's wrong with them becoming parents or grandparents in your eyes? It's the most beautiful part of working in this area of nursing and you should be proud that you miss them :) I'm sure they miss you, too!

It's always so hard saying goodbye; nursing is a life, not just a job, and a big change will take some getting used to. But just like a breakup, the pain will subside and you will be able to move on after a while...the fact that you connected with those people is a positive thing; you'll never forget them but soon the sad memories of missing them will turn into happy ones! This, too, shall pass...

caliotter3

38,333 Posts

When I got laid off, one of the "with it" ladies in the facility came to me one night and went on and on about me leaving. Another "not with it" man did the same, only he was speaking in circles like he usually did. Apparently my departure had been a topic of discussion and residents had overheard. I was greatly disturbed by this and still remember to this day. I really missed my residents for the longest time. Even today, I remember how I felt when they came up to me, mentally agitated because they knew I was leaving. Nobody has ever expressed such concern for me, before or since. It showed me that my presence there was noticed by somebody. You grew attached and years from now you will look back and remember these feelings. They are not bad. Don't get on yourself about them.

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