I'm not 'getting' this. Should I be RN?

Specialties Geriatric

Published

I am a new nurse, have been working at Rehab/LTC for six months. The last four months have been at a great facility: Nurse/patient ratio averages 1:14. My problem: I'm always late finishing my shift, feel like I'm moving in slow motion most days. I know I've improved much since my first month or two, but I still feel like such a moron. I look at the more seasoned nurses with such envy. I want to know what they know, work as efficiently as they do, etc. If there are no 'crisis' (patient falls, surprise admits, etc.) I have a pretty decent day. But whenever something comes up, even if it's a lot of new physician orders to complete, it throws everything off for me.

Also, after I completed orientation, I had a couple of confrontations with a seasoned nurse who likes to take advantage of everyone, especially newbies. I wasn't aware of her polarizing reputation the first time I stood up for myself. The second time I knew but held my ground: I wasn't going to let her push me around. This seems to have back-fired on me. She is tight with most of the nursing aids, and a lot of them have gone out of their way to make my life miserable. The other nurses seem to avoid me; I think they feel as though I'm the trouble maker. Consequently, I've not made any friends, which really makes me sad. I feel as though I can't handle this new career. I'm old enough to be mom to many of these nurses. Want to know where I stand compared to other new nurses, but terrified to ask my manager or DON.

I'm in tears as I write this. Please give me advice. I'm miserable. :crying2:

Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
don't go to work to make friends. sometimes you will, sometimes you won't. but making friends at work generally comes from time together. as in years, not months. and it comes from having time to get to know each other (which as a newbie, you're just not going to have time because it takes a while to be able to just do your job in the time you have at work.)

around six months seems to be the time that being a new nurse just sucks.

you're at that point where you're getting frustrated with not "getting it" and feel like you should be "getting it" but it's just going to take a few more months to feel comfortable. and a while after that to be able to make decisions faster and assess faster and chart faster and change tracks faster.

give yourself some more time, don't worry about other people, just go to work and try to do a little better each day.

wooh - i loved your post. other than the words about going to work to make friends, you seem to have really reached me. everything you said makes so much sense. i've read your post several times, it just gets so right to the point and applies to me. it is comforting to know about this learning curve. i'm just not very patient, and i'm very hard on myself, especially when i screw up. but you are so right: i've just got to give myself more time. just so you know, i'm really not expecting tons of friends, but one or two friendly nurses would be kinda nice. anyway, thank goodness there are people like you, wooh to keep me pointed in the right direction. kudos to you!

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
thats very true, one thought ..nursing is primarily a women's game. , and traditionally there is more , how should i say ,drama with a bunch of women vs man (man here) not all the time, but sometimes . so thats something that just comes with the territory, ur gona have to stop giving a **** about what other people think , and prioritize your family and kids , go to work , take care off business and come home to your loved ones

beast master rn - wow, you really hit that one out of the park! the drama with women is so annoying, so petty, and so....prevalent everywhere. i realize that and just have to learn how to deal with it. i was a stay at home mom for about 20 years, so going back to work as been a bit of a culture shock in so many different ways. and you're absolutely right; i have to stop giving a **** what other people think. but that is going to take a lot of work on my part. thank god i have my family to come home to. thank you for reminding me of where my priorities should be!

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
pay attention to yourself. the first year is tough and unfortunately there are many nurses both young and old with passive aggressive behavior because the are truly insecure themselves and the only way they feel better is to make others feel badly.....pretty pathetic is you ask me.

a very great lady once said "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission" eleanor roosevelt. take care of you and the rest will follow.

esme - you know what? that lesson about people who attack others, or tease others (as i used to teach my kids when they were young) really does mean that they are very insecure about themselves; well it is so true, and i sometimes forget what i have tried to pass on to my kids! i'm glad you reminded me. thanks!

that quote by eleanor roosevelt is awesome! i think i am going to copy it and tape it to my bathroom mirror. then i can see it every day. maybe one day i will be able to reach that point. thanks for responding. :)

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
i couldn't agree more with u all, "kindness is more important than wisdom and the recognition of this, is the beginning of wisdom".

ransom - such a great quote! wouldn't it wonderful if more people considered this and actually acted on it? :heartbeat

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
here is what i would do.....

that hardened nurse you spoke of......

take her aside, tell her that you respect her and that you are sorry you got off on the wrong foot. ask her for her opinion on ways that you can be as efficient as she is....

this will involve swallowing a little pride, but i think in the long run it may work wonders...

now if you dont wish to go that route, it may be time to start interviewing elsewhere as it seems the hardened nurse is well respected, or at the least, well feared....

mindlor - your advice about taking this nurse aside to talk privately, it seems like a good idea, but if you ever consider doing it, i just want to pass along a story and some advice to you.

our orientation nurse told us the story of just such a conflict she had with another nurse. she felt the same way you did; she would talk privately with this nurse and try and smooth things over. they went in another room to talk. at one point my orientation nurse placed her hand on the others shoulder in what she thought was a well-meaning gesture of reconciliation. the other nurse went ballistic, telling her to take her hands off her, etc. needless to say, it didn't go well. a few days later, our orientation nurse found out she was being sued by this nurse! bad nurse claimed that she'd been bullied and attacked by the nice nurse, shoved and injured, etc. our nurse was absolutely devastated. her reputation was almost ruined because of this incident. so the advice is: always, always have a witness present when confronting someone at work, and never have this talk in a private room.

as for your other advice, i will put at least a year in at this place before i look anywhere else. but be assured, this woman is not respected. you are right, she is feared. and she is trouble.

0 Votes
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
esme - you know what? that lesson about people who attack others, or tease others (as i used to teach my kids when they were young) really does mean that they are very insecure about themselves; well it is so true, and i sometimes forget what i have tried to pass on to my kids! i'm glad you reminded me. thanks!

that quote by eleanor roosevelt is awesome! i think i am going to copy it and tape it to my bathroom mirror. then i can see it every day. maybe one day i will be able to reach that point. thanks for responding. :)

you are welcome....:hug:.........i also like the "what does not kill us makes us stronger" on my signature. i think this is a toxic environment and i think you need to start looking for another position soon. i know in this job climate it may take awhile but i think this environment has a well ingrained culture that is better to let it because you can't change it. tolerate it....until you can leave it.....:redpinkhe

0 Votes

My first six months as an RN were horrible! Focus on your work and doing it well. Don't worry about making friends at work, we're not at work to make friends. As a nurse I go to work to help my pts. Time management will get better as time goes on. Unfortunately with the economy the way it is we are all getting the short end of the stick and expected to do more with it. I know very few nurses who actually get done with their shift on time.... unless ofcourse they are leaving work for the next shift - which will probably still be there for you when you come in the next day.

If things are truely that bad that you can't stick it out, try finding a different place of employment. But a lot of times as newbies, we just need to prove ourselves. Keep doing your best for your pts!

0 Votes
Specializes in Critical Care.

I think the issue is not the "seasoned nurse" but that of a bully who has enabled to get the upper hand with the use of her clique! She is obviously a bully who is used to getting what she wants and vindictive when she doesn't. Unfortunately these kinds of people are everywhere and probably were bullies their whole lives!

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
sometimes its not easy fitting into a new job no matter what type of work it is.

6 months ago i started my new job in medical rehab, i had a year experience working in ltc so i had a lot to learn. there was a lot of adjusting for me since the majority of my co-workers are of another culture that is not representative of the majority of our patients.

we had many conflicts over that 6 months. note that i said "we", not "me" not "her" or "them". we all had something to contribute to the conflicts and we all eventually worked through those conflicts.

after 6 months i finally feel accepted and part of the team.

itsmejuli - i see in your wise response more mention of the "culture" of the workplace. as you said, it takes more than one person for a conflict to arise, and i have to remember that. my knee-jerk reaction is to place all the blame on the bully nurse, which i guess is human. but i have a lot to learn about how to handle conflicts in a more diplomatic, calm manner. :argue:

i am glad that for you things have finally worked out. i hope i can say the same as well. thanks so much for your response!

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
hang in there. that kind of stuff sucks.

:nurse: crunchrn - thanks! i am trying, but i think i'm barely hanging by just my fingertips some days lol!

but you have summed up this whole mess with your second sentence. :cheers:

when i posted my problem the other day, i was having quite the pity party. i know everyone has these from time to time. i feel a bit stronger today, and i will go into work and just do my best and hope the rest will fall into place....eventually!

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
good advice from beast master.

i'm not fit to judge who is right and who is wrong as far as whatever disputes you have had, as i don't know the absolute circumstances surrounding them. however there are certainly seasoned nurses and such who have lousy, pretentious and power tripping attitudes and are worth of a sound slap upside the head. however, that's obviously not an option. i say stand up for yourself anytime you feel that you are being disrespected, but also know your limitations and try to think about what would or wouldn't sound acceptable if the don were to overhear the conversation and your response to it. but also own up to any non-petty mistakes that you make quickly, and accept whatever crap you may end up taking if you do make such a mistake as it will always come with the territory. and find somebody you can confide in there too, i would think there would have to be at least one warm soul somewhere in that facility who would have some knowledge of your problems, offer you an ear and maybe a little sound advise too. and if not, than the place you are at is in one sad state of affairs, and i would be looking to expand my horizons and look elsewhere if the place truly is that bad.

christopherh - i laughed when i read your sentence "worthy of a sound slap upside the head." that's exactly the way i think, (and privately wish sometimes) that i could actually do!

you have given really good, practical advice, and i will try and remember it. my husband has told me that he has become much better at handling conflicts and disagreements at work, but it has taken time and practice.

as for finding someone to talk to, there are two nurses that i think i'd be able to talk to, but unfortunately, they are both out right now for health reasons...sigh.

0 Votes
Specializes in Rehab/LTC.
wow...i'm surprised at all the people who suggest ass kissing is the way to go. it's great to be friendly with your co-workers but when you're new, you need to concentrate on the work. of course you're slower than they are....you're new! i had more than one run in on my very first job in ltc since, honestly, the rest of the nurses were stupid and didn't have a clue. they were not friendly to 'the new kid' who wasn't stupid. that was more years ago than i'd care to remember. you need to find your own way to do your job. speed is not everything. being careful and thoughtful with the residents is more important than making friends.

capecodmermaid - thanks for your reply. i am so surprised and pleased by all of the responses i've received. this forum is such a great source of information and comfort. i know that we're not going to agree with all of the responses we receive, but so far, i've been to take something useful from each of the members.

as for yours, believe me, i need to hear your reminder that i am new and just because some of the staff pretty much roll their eyes :icon_roll at my questions i will get this eventually. i am still hung up on the speed thing, i hate to see everyone else leaving on time at the end of their shift while i'm still charting, etc. makes me so frustrated. i actually think i may be spending too much time with the patients. i need to be able to better assess when they truly need me or not. thanks for your wise advice. i am so glad you took the time to give me your :twocents:. (i think i go overboard with these smiley symbols, etc. need an intervention!)

0 Votes
+ Add a Comment