funeral of LTC res..

  1. What do people think of other nurses/aides going to the funeral of a res. at the LTC facility? I have not been in this situation yet but know I will and I am almost positive that I would go (at least to viewing). I know these people to and get close to them and their family...just wanted to know what others thought..
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  2. 19 Comments

  3. by   KaroSnowQueen
    I did not go to every one of them, but went to a few, patients who were my favorites, or their families felt close to me, whatever. I didn't go to the funerals, but to the visitation, and kept the little remembrance folder, and spent a few minutes with the families. I think they liked it that somone from the home came, and it made me feel better too.
  4. by   renerian
    I went to some who were also my favorites.

    renerian
  5. by   frannybee
    I felt very privileged to be asked to attend funerals of residents to whom I'd been particularly close. One resident died suddenly and I was so upset - I cried the whole way home then blubbed on my Mum's shoulder for ages. She'd just been to the toilet before going to bed, then arrested as she swung her legs up onto the bed. DNR so she was allowed to die without intervention. I was working on another floor when it happened and had to go and see her for myself and say goodbye in my own way. Her family knew we'd been close, she'd talked to them about me, so I was invited to the funeral and to the wake.

    I sat in the back of the crematorium so as not to interrupt the family's grieving, but I sobbed my heart out. The family had asked the priest to mention me in the service, which I wasn't expecting, and it made me cry even harder, despite filling me with pride at having made such a difference. When we came out of there into the bright sunshine we hugged for what seemd like ages, then moved on to the eldest daughter's house. I stayed for an hour and we talked about ___'s childhood and how happy she'd been the week before she died (her first greatgrandchild born, last grandchild married). When I left they gave me a small token that ____ had owned to remind me of her. I still carry it with me. It reminds me of her and how one person can make such a difference in another's life. In this case, it was her influence on me.

    Another resident had been a favourite of quite a few of us, and her daughter sometimes came to the home to visit the staff even when her Mum wasn't there. When she died, we *all* went to her funeral and wake. Her favourite drink had been lemonade with orange cordial in it, and we drank that in her memory. We felt that was the only thing left to do for her, and were proud to have been asked.
  6. by   duckie
    I think it is perfectly fine to go to viewings, funeral, or memorials. I have gone to many, when you work with someone over an extended period of time, they become just like family. We are only human and we feel the loss too. It is always special knowing the family understands the difference you tried to make, such as like frannybee stated, being mentioned in the service, or being left a treasured item that the resident knew you liked. I have even been stunned when receiving papers that I have been left in wills. But what it comes down to is that we do our job in a way we can live with it, giving the best we can, trying to make a difference, and if that gives us a small trinket in the end to remember them by, then that is just considered a thank you from their loving hearts. I always try to get pictures of the ones I really love, and I have collected quite a few. They are always such treasured memories cause when we take the pictures they usually get ornery on me, and do something funny that flips me out when I look at the picture later, that is a priceless treasure. (You can only take their picture if they are alert and oriented or you have family consent) Franybee, you sound a lot like me, I'm a big sucker for a sweet little face and always will be. I think I fall in love everyday.
  7. by   frannybee
    Oh lawdy....this thread, then the 'When God Made Nurses' thread....I'm in floods of tears now
  8. by   Sleepyeyes
    At one home I worked in, they had the viewings in a special room of the home. It was wonderful because all the residents could come and pay their last respects and also the workers. I was always amazed at how young the oldsters looked when they died--like they really were pain-free and happy. I still miss so many of them.

    One LOL was 103 when she died. When asked how she managed to live that long, she replied, "Well, I never did get married!"

    I just know she's in a better place and I'll see them all there one day.
  9. by   ktwlpn
    Originally posted by lpnga
    What do people think of other nurses/aides going to the funeral of a res. at the LTC facility? I have not been in this situation yet but know I will and I am almost positive that I would go (at least to viewing). I know these people to and get close to them and their family...just wanted to know what others thought..
    As a rule I choose not to attend them.I try to keep a bit of distance from the situation.I just love my friends at the LTC but I have had my share of loss in my life(parents,babies) and I am now at a place where I will not let myself get too involved..I don't think it is good for us.I do get very attached to some of my folks but I try to celebrate their passing-no poor pain or fright and they have been lucky to have a long life and be taken care of by people that care. I suggest that every facility have a regular memorial open to all-a few times a year.The families of any deceased residents should also be invited.A garden area is nice,too-families and staff can donate shrubs and flowers to remember special people...We always send a sympathy card from the unit,too...
  10. by   momrn50
    I do try to go to at least the viewing theday before the funeral. It gives me a chance to say good bye to the person and to the families. I kind of look on it as the last thing I can do for them. Did attend one funral, but it was just too hard. Have caught flak from other nurses who say that I need to distance myself and not go, because they would NEVER go to a viewing or funeral. I think that's their loss. You learn to love these people, it helps me let go.
  11. by   night owl
    I've attended many funeral services of my residents and the families are very receptive of my presence there. Like Duckie said, they become just like family. After giving your all, day in and day out, trying to making a difference in their last years of their lives, I feel that it's only right that I attend. They become so much a part of my life.
  12. by   tattooednursie
    I think I should, but I havn't yet. I don't usually attend funerals for anyone. They are very depressing for me. Alot of funerals have passed, and now I feel bad for not going. Next time the opportunity comes, I will try to go there.
  13. by   alwaysthere
    there is only one chance in life to do many things ..things that you will regret doing or not doing when the moment has passed....follow your heart and you nursing judgment...

    There have been many times when a family has invited me to the funeral proceedings and I have attended the ones whom i was closest too...many times i was already close to the family and was like another member of the family.....it would have been more upsetting for them not to have me there both knowing how much the person cared for me and how much I cared for the person....You only have one chance sometimes
  14. by   ShortFuse_LPN
    The DON and administrator of the facility where I work go to the viewings and have never discouraged any of us from going.

    The most touching token of gratitude I've ever recieved from a family happened at a funeral. They had arranged pictures of the family on a small tack board and placed it among the flowers. When a co worker and I went up to the casket to pay our respects we noticed a picture of the nursing staff from the nursing home. One of the daughters came up to us and thanked us for caring about and for her mother.

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