Do family members know how annoying they can be?

Good one!!

To all who threaten to sue, I pleasantly say - that is your right....
who are they gonna sue...G-d?
and what compensation are they hoping for?

I still think when we have the "grandma's gonna live forever" types who would make a corpse a full code that they should have to watch a video of a real code -- not a TV code, the real one that goes on for 30, 40 minutes, with ribs cracking, the occasional decayed tooth flying, suctioning flash edema, stomach contents coming out around a PEG tube, with real shocks not the TV version. And they should be told that there's on average only a 30% chance of reces nationwide -- that's the Emorys and the Johns Hopkins and the Level One trauma centers, of which my facility is not one.

People need to learn the meaning of the word "futile."

I was accused of murdering a 98 year old. I know it was in the grief stages, Grandma had just died but I got a mouthful of "You were supposed to do X Y & Z and you didn't and now you killed her!" The staff were all hoping they were not on shift when this poor woman died - she was really suffering, CHF, renal failure and a bunch of other things. We knew her death would be the fault of whoever happened to be on shift at the time.

Never mentioned the four or five times we had saved Grandma from the jaws of death. Or the amount of times we had tried offering hospice and grief counselling or the amount of MDs who had told her that Grandma was a goner.

It is truly difficult to accept that your parent(s) are getting older and their time is getting shorter.

My sweet MIL was in a LTC/Rehab center before she died in 2007. We got an order for her not to do the rehab part - too painful for her. She was well cared for by their staff. The Wednesday before she died, she waited to get her hair done - I was with her and she made sure I didn't forget. She died 3 days later. The staff grieved with us - they made her last few weeks pleasant as it could be. They put up with us very graciously.

We had to accept the fact my mother was dying and honored her wishes. We did shade the truth about the nurses who were coming out to see her. Hospice was wonderful to her and to us. We stopped giving her the meds she couldn't take and weren't going to make any difference in her outcome. She was able to die on her own terms.

Can't say enough good about about Hospice. They are not the enemy, but your very best friends. And to all the LTC nurses - you are totally awesome and you really, really rock! My utmost respect to you.

[quote=achot chavi;3911289]
It's a matter of knowing what to say and when.
It starts with the admission,: explain from the start " There are hours when I cant be accessible for explanations as I will be providing essential care and cant be distracted, the doctor as well. But here is my personal cellphone number and I will call back as soon as I can".


I would NOT be giving my personal cell phone number out. No way.

I wouldn't give out my personal number either. When I am at work, I will do everything I can for my patients, however when I am not at work, it's my turn to relax and not worry, not answer family phone calls. Assuming they won't call after a certain time if you tell them your shift is over then, is a little naive in my opinion.

To the same poster who mentioned giving out your personal phone number, while I agree you can make efforts to form a trusting relationship with families, to assume that this will happen with any family is simply unrealistic. Some people are jerks, and no matter how hard you try to they are going to remain jerks and never understand (or care) about your explanations for why they or their family member are not getting whatever it is they want, right now.

To all of you LTC nurses, you have my respect! So many of you manage to give good care despite the obstacles (horrible patient ratios, picking up the slack for lazy coworkers, lack of proper equipment, stubborn family/MDs, etc. the list goes on), and it's a job not everyone could do, so my hat is off to you! It doesn't get said enough, but we appreciate you!

I also put the blame on the NH that will not hire adequate help. It's a $$$ thang!

When dealing with death it is REALLY, REALLY different to be the nurse than it is to be the family. Depending on someone's personality, closeness of relationship, culture, faith, personal values, beliefs about death etc..facing the death of a loved one can be an excruciatingly difficult time for people. Even if the person is elderly, and intellectually knowing that it is right to let them go, actually making those decisions and dealing with the emotion can be devastating. The idea of showing a video like you've described to me shows an incredible lack of understanding of where people are coming from when they make a decision that you as the nurse see as the 'wrong' one. If you want them to see your perspective, you have to be able to understand theirs.

Some of these responses are pretty callous. I think it comes from being on the professional end of things all the time, you become indifferent to peoples pain because you see it day in and day out. I also get this is a discussion board and most would be are able to fake some compassion / understanding in real life so families aren't aware of how you feel.

Two of my grandparents died from withdrawing treatment - basically they starved / dehydrated to death. I can tell you it was very difficult to watch and be a part of even though we all knew it was the best thing. Watching someone you love code and not doing anything goes against human nature.

Do you people not recognise, that your training equips you to deal not only with the vunerable patients under your care, but caring & sometimes distressed relatives. I am a SRN in Scotland (although the Scots use RGN), and I must say I am appalled at the remarks on this board and have not heard the like before.