Do family members know how annoying they can be?

Honestly, I have been both, and never heard that from anyone except one DON who didn't last very long.

One thing that gets me is that most of me residents should be on comfort care, not being treated for their HBP/ CVA/ dementia/ with restorative PT. We eke out another 20 minutes of life for them - feh. Get rid of the meds, hire more people, and treat them as they want to be treated. Let them sleep late, let them salt their pureed diet.

Thats because they know when something is wrong.

I am sure you are a very good nurse. But my experience in nursing school for my geriatric rotation in the nursing home was less than pleasant, and it was not just the facility that made me sick but the nurses too (I questioned a nurse why the patient was getting Lasix at night, her response "she is going to pee anyway, better for her to pee at night then for us to have to change her all day long"). I am an RN and my parents will NOT be going to a nursing home, at least not in my area.

Better yet - "How is my mother doing?" "How is my mother eating?"
Okay--Whose is your mother?

I would pleasantly respond, "Oh, I am a nurse too!" Maybe that would give them a reality check.

I don't work in LTC, but this thread reminds me of a family member who told the nurse if her 98 year old mom died, she was going to sue.

Well that would be me!

And yes, sometimes I know how annoying they think I am...they don't hide it well! But the reality is my first concern is my grandmothers wellbeing and comfort and I will advocate for that no matter how annoying they find it to be.

About half the staff are great, they obviously care about my grandmother, treat her with dignity and respect and provide her with good care. Those staff I get along great with and they actually like me there because it saves them work!

But the staff who are indifferent or actually lazy, disrespectful and treat her poorly...I truly don't care how annoyed they are with me and if my annoying presence is the only thing that gets them to provide her with decent care then so be it.

No, not at all. There is a WONDERFUL device I just discovered called a "Merry Walker" that has bars all around the sides (and can be opened by the resident) with a SEAT built right in BEHIND HIM so he doesn't have to remember how to turn/loosen his grip/etc. It works marvelously.

One month and two days ago my father died in an LTC after a very short stay. I told the charge more than once that I was an RN because I was trying to elicit SOMETHING from her about my father's condition. The woman was as cold as ice and the day he died was the first time we got a call from him that there were issues.

I think it's just ignorance, plain and simple.

Ignorance of the aging process
Ignorance of just what caring for older people involves
Ignorance of how bad the staff/resident ratios are

I think it's just an effect of the value society places on it's aged, especially those that cannot look after themselves. We put them in a facility where the majority of relatives barely visit, and if they do it's for about five minutes. Can't expect people to engage and know how things work if they wont look past the stigma that a lot of people see in aged care. I personally don't, I quite like working in it, but most people I know have a hard time dealing with it.

Although I don't work in LTC, I really feel for you guys. I work at a hospital and the families/patients are just as bad. Luckly, my demanding pt/famlies do not usually stay for too long.....We d/c these unreasonable people and they end up at your facility. (so sorry)

Today I had a 65 year old lady, admitted for CHF exas, demanding to be discharged. The doc told her last night that she would most likely go home "in the morning." So at 8am she is out at the nursing station demanding to leave.

I told her that the doc would have to come see her first and determine if she is truly ready for d/c. I told her I would call him by 1000 if he didn't show up to see her by then. So at 1001 she's out at the nursing station again, family members in tow, to demand discharge NOW.

I text paged the poor doc, told him this pt is super anx for d/c, family is here to drive her, etc. He calls back, says he is in ICU dealing with a really sick person, and that he would get to her as soon as he could.

I explained to the pt/family that the docs here usually go see the really sick people in ICU and CCU before they come discharge "stable" people home. I told them that there are people DYING up there and that the docs will assess those poor individuals first, and then come see the pt's ready to go home.

The pt told me "That is ridiculous! I am going to write a letter of complaint to the CEO of the hospital. The doctor said I could go home in the morning and he is not here to discharge me. What is wrong with you people!?" Family agreed, all yelling at me, telling me "we have things to do today, we were told she would go "in the morning."

So these people are going to complain that the doc would assess DYING PATIENTS before discharging this woman. I honestly could not believe how selfish this pt and family were. It makes me physically sick at times......

Just know I feel for you all.....working in LTC, taking all this BS with a smile day in, day out...Keep your heads up nurses.....LPN's, you included. Don't let pt's or families take away from your skill and experience. RN's at my hospital appreciate you more than you would ever know.

I agree wholeheartedly. My grandmother is in severe chronic pain due to numerous issues, none of which are severe enough to end her life. She is on a dozen meds and has asked me many times if she can just stop taking them as she is truly 'done living'. I never know what to say. She is in her 90's, had a great life and is now lying in total misery in a bed in a small room in a facility. She has lost her mobility, her independence, her home, her belongings, her husband...she has a strong faith and she is ready to cash in!

I had to fight to get her her salt shaker...she super salts her food and so they took it away...if she wants salt - give her salt! And the PT started coming in..it was agony for her as the sessions were very painful..the PT kind of said no pain no gain...ridiculous...they stopped that too! I know they are trying to be 'helpful' but still, common sense. Thankfully they haven't taken away her walker even though she falls...and somehow never manages to break anything! They'd have a battle on their hands taking that walker!