discouraged and want to quit nursing

  1. i am so disappointed with my eval this am. i have been charge for almost a year now, and i have worked so hard to do my best job as a nurse. i know i am not perfect. i know i am human. i got slammed on my eval so hard because of interpersonal communications. i was never oriented to charge. i was expected to jump in with both feet and as usual they expected me to sink or swim, i have tried so hard to swim. the thing i am so upset about is the fact that the interpersonal examples were known trouble makers. they are total back stabbers. i stood my ground and reprimanded them, as i felt was appropriate. the dns never talked to me about any of my disciplinary actions nor did the immediate supervisor. the employees that had issues with me were allowed to complain about me, but i was never even approached. therefore, i thought i was doing a fair job. then this morning i am hit with examples from months ago. i honestly feel like giving up. i feel like the heat from the back stabbing of fellow nurses is too intense. i never felt this miserable when i was a secretary, or a phlebotomist. i am so wounded . i don't even want to go back tonight. i am supposed to orient a new nurse and i don't have any confidence whatsoever. i feel totallly stripped naked, and vunerable. please give me strength.
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  2. 19 Comments

  3. by   darby
    hi, i am recuperating from a bad fall, able to walk now but slowly,you and millions of others have been put out to dry as the old cliche goes,you go back and show your patients,and those back-stabbers what they taught you in nursing school,you put the patients first,ignore the trash per say,they are hanging in there with alot of insecurities and dont know that nursing means caring,you do care or you wouldnt write the post you just did,alot of good nurses are made to go through this,stamina and goodwill is the only thing left to try,try,try, with all you have,my daddy always said 2 wrongs dont make a right, i dont know you personally but you have the motivation way down deep or you wouldnt be asking for support,i wish i had a dime for every time i saw this same problem in the last 30 years,i could pave wall street in new york and back again, i asked to be a moderator and brian gave me the opportunity,so you go to work and show those people you are the best, i will say a prayer for you,sincerely,darby.
  4. by   Heather27
    I'm so sorry you had a bad evaluation this morning....it happens to the best of us... The thing to remember is that you are a GOOD nurse, and likely a great charge nurse. See, the problem is that you likely make your staff toe the line. That is going to cause "conflict" in their estimation, but makes for a smoothly run unit / facility.
    Don't give up. You'll do fine. Consider the sources of your "bad" review....you yourself said they were "Troublemakers"...'nuff said!
    Keep on keepin' on, focusing on your patients!!
    Peace
    Heather
  5. by   sandigapeachlpn
    thank you heather and darby. i cannot tell you how much it means to have encouragement. i took the attitude when i went back that i was not in nursing for the personnel aspect or the management aspect but as darby put it basically for the nursing and my care is what counts with my residents. and i knew that if no body in management smiles at me right now, well, my residents do. anyway, i had told a couple of my most supportive cna's that i was so sad because of the eval. at the end of eve shift they reported to me that one of our most fragile residents was having diff breathing. he is a new trach and has decided to starve himself to death. i had noticed for the past 24 hours that his sputum was becoming more and more tenacious, and his trach was occluding because of the lack of hydration. he has terminal ca very sad, sad, case. anyway, by the time i got down there to his room he was unconcious and not responding. by the time we moved him up in the bed, he was cyanotic and not moving air. i had to emergency suction, and it was like cement trying to get the tubing in. after ten gallons of saline he finally opened. and his sat was 98%. but he was without o2 for apprx 2-3 min. we got him shipped out stat, as he was a full code. after his airway was cleared one of my cna's looked at me and said " man, sandi you just saved his life." and nothing could have woke me up more. so, even if i am not the best charge, well, i did good, last night. and get this, i was orienting a new nurse. i had so lost my confidence because of the eval, and to make matters worse, a quarter of the way through, she tells me that she is a bsn. okay, so at that point i am feeling like i am drowning and she is going to eat me alive because she knows more than i will ever forget. but it wasn't that way at all, she was awesome to orient. she told me that this had been her third shift to orient and that she felt comfortable now after our night. she also complimented me as nurse, and charge. isn't that just too cool? anyway, i just want you to know that i am sitting in front of my screen smiling-- not crying this morning. and you definately had something to do with it.
  6. by   darby
    you are a winner in my book,ms.sandi,lpn never have i felt so proud as i am now,you are a nurse with all the right skills and attitude is a big factor,you have saved another human life, so precious,i am so proud to have the opportunity to reply to you,keep your spirit the way it is and life goes on, i guess i am sentimental but your smile and response made this old.... nurse smile today also.sincerely,darby.
  7. by   Heather Plate
    DO'NT GIVE UP!! SOMETIMES ITS HARD BEING IN CHARGE AND HAVING TO MAKE DECISIONS THAT UPSET SOME PEOPLE BUT REMEMBER YOU ARE THE CHARGE NURSE AND THAT MEANS YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EMPLOYEES THAT YOU ARE SUPERVISING. REMEMBER, IF THEY ARE NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THERE JOBS WHO'S SHOULDERS WILL IT FALL ON? IF THEY HAD ENOUGH CONFIDENCE IN YOU TO GIVE YOU THAT POSITION THEY THEY SHOULD SUPPORT YOUR DECISIONS. IF THEY FELT YOU NEEDED TO USE A DIFFERENT APPROACH THEN IT WAS THERE RESPONSIBILITY TO INFORM YOU. HOW IN HEAVENS NAME ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO KNOW THEY WANT SOMTHING DIFFERENT FROM YOU IF THEY DO NOT LET YOU KNOW! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR THE RESIDENTS AND YOURSELF AND YOU WILL BE OK!! SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE US UNPOPULAR WITH THE PEOPLE WE SUPERVISE AND THAT IS NOT EASY BUT IT IS OUR JOB. YOU ARE GONNA DO JUST FINE, JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!
  8. by   km rn
    Well this is my fourth attempt to respond to your message. Hopefully this one will make it through.

    First of all...you are being too hard on yourself.
    Recognize that you wouldn't still be in the charge nurse position if you didn't have many strengths. You are learning a new role and you sound like you have your head and heart centered on the right thing - providing quality care.

    One thing I am guilty of is ignoring all the positive things that are said of my nursing practice and obsessing on area my supervisor scored less high or said I needed to work on. Rather than celebrating the areas I did well, I made myself miserable and fixated on the negative.

    It sounds like the interpersonal area was marked down based on some inaccurate information provided by disgruntled CNAs. You have the right to add comments to your evaluation and you might feel better if you address that area.

    One thing I have found helpful is to keep a journal of my accomplishments for a yearly period.
    When I am feeling like the worst nurse - I can pull out the journal and remember some of my successes. I also made notes from my journal for my evaluation - it helped remind my boss of the many different ways I developed and/or made a difference. She really liked the idea - it is amazing how much you forget over a year period. If a family says something great about you or this other nurse recognizing how well you handled the resp. distress - I would write it down.

    Take time to celebrate, acknowledge and build yourself up....

    Recognize the good things you do everyday and take time to a) evaluate what things you want to do better b) what areas you have grown in.

    You learned a valuable lesson the hard way...you will never do this to someone you evaluate - you see how unfair it is.

    Hang in there.
  9. by   myst
    I sure can empathize with your feelings.....but, don't let the turkey's get you down girl!!!!!!!
    I know this may sound like "tattle tales" but, when you have a problem with a subordinate, do yourself a favor and document it. Utilize your knowledge to create a form just for this and use it!
    Then, take the problem to the DON/DNS before the problem employees get a chance to get to the Director. Be proactive.....
    You must be a wonderful nurse and a great charge nurse.....no matter what, cause you're still there doing it!!!!!!!!!
    YOU GO, GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!
    Chin up!!

    Myst
  10. by   MaineNurse67
    You have the right to respond to your evaluation. Give it a few days and re-evaluate your feelings, then sit down and write a response and ask to have it attached to your eval. That is perfectly acceptable.

    Also, ask for a meeting with your manager and come up with a list of goals for yourself. Work at one at a time. It does not sound like you received much of a chance. Sounds to me like you were set up to fail... so much of this is probably not your fault at all! I am in hopes that your manager gave you specifics as to the areas in which he/she felt you needed improvement... if not, then how are you expected to improve?? When receiving an eval, always ask for specific incidents or reasons why they rated you the way they did. Many times, if they cannot give specifics, then I would surely question why you were rated that way in the first place! Be firm that you need specifics... if they cannot site them, then request that the evaluation be revised.

    Certainly, do not give up. Just keep trying. Concentrate on the areas that need improvement. Spend some extra time "boning" up on those areas. Ask lots of questions.

    Remember, your manager is there to assist you. They should be willing to help you in the areas that you need help in. If they are unwilling to do this, then they are not doing their job well either! Your job performance directly reflects in theirs.

    Good luck to you. I sure hope things get better for you. Keep your chin up and keep smiling... it is all in the attitude!

    Take care.... Tim
  11. by   OneThunder
    sandigapeachlpn-don't you quit! I am a former DON and the fact that there were notations on your eval that had never been addressed to you-IS BAD MANAGEMENT. The goal of a good DON is to ELEVATE AND EDUCATE all of her staff, not make a laundry list of their faults at evaluation time. I'm sorry but this really trips my trigger! Incidents need to be dealt with immediately with all parties involved. The problem, the people and the solution and followup should all be noted. Evaluation time is a time for goal setting and goal attainment. The other members are correct- you have a right to address,in writing,your evaluation. Cool down and take item by item and address it in a calm,factual manner. Make a copy for your records and one for your file. I would also give one to the administrator. And if I ever get another DON position-I hope to have a dozen nurses just like you!
  12. by   MaineNurse67
    I totally agree with OneThunder... I, too, am a DON... an annual evaluation is no time for surprises... there should be nothing on your evaluation that has not been discussed with you previously as an issue, if it is an issue at all!!

    I am very curious to find out what you have done about this evaluation.

    Let us know!!

    Tim
  13. by   sandigapeachlpn
    okay, i am replying to the question "what have you done with the eval?" the answer is nothing. i am very afraid of retaliation. since the eval the rcm has treated me like dirt under her feet. her and the dns are tight. i have basically focused on my job responsibilities, kept a low profile, etc. it kind of reminds me of the people who blow the whistle and bring charges against their employer for sexual harrassment. and the employee wins but is forced out because they fought the system. it has been hard enough with administrative nursing as it is. there is a nice clic of nurses. i once was in. NOW I AM OUT. it goes in spells, since i have been there. there is a hotline for unethical behavior, i have thought about contacting the big corporate office, but i don't know if i have what it takes to be NORMA RAE. it has been especially tough because i have worked for all the rcms in the building . the last two gave me excellent eval's, and they both said that it was biased and that they would have never given me the low score, etc. they both said i should fight it. But the dns was the biggest slap in the face. he wrote in DON'T LET CHARGE NURSE GO TO YOUR HEAD. so i feel like i am fighting a losing battle. if my managers thought i was overreacting with disciplinary actions i can handle the critism. this is still very new to me. but to have nothing said prior and have this unprofessional dig on my permanent record just stlll blows me away. right now i feel like i'm in a dictatorship.
    and you know what? it makes me livid because i love what i do. i love my residents, i love the juggling of the charge position. oh it is just not fair!!!! ( I AM STOMPING MY FOOT AS WE SPEAK ). I have a joke going with my night aides when they are tired of something and they say it's not fair Sandi! and i look at them and say " hey i don't want you using the ''f' WORD in front of the residents. and look at me I am using the ''f'WORD
  14. by   MaineNurse67
    Sounds like you are in a pretty tough spot!

    I understand your reply, but agree with you... that is not fair! It is hard enough to go to work every day... but, having to go in with that kind of stess really sucks!

    I feel like giving you all kinds of advice as how to proceed... but I will not do that. It sounds like you are in a pretty tough spot and I would never forgive myself if I gave you bad advice.

    All I can tell you is that an evaluation like that is not fair. Have you considered sitting down and writing a reply. Do you have a Human Resource department? If so, you might want to set up an appointment to talk with them. They can be of great help and are supposed to look at these sort of issues objectively. You can also request that your written reply be attached to the evaluation in your personnel file.

    On the other hand, if you were to go for another job, they cannot give the details of one evaluation. They usually only verify dates of hire, so probably no one will ever read your evaluation again. Into the archives it goes! (Eventhough, you still know it exists!)

    The only real advice I would give you is to act rationally... don't let them drive you to the point of reacting inappropriately... sounds like they would enjoy that just a bit too much... whatever you decide to do, I wish you the very best of luck and hope that it goes very well for you.

    Good luck... take care... Tim

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