Yeah, I am a student nurse, I sit on my lazy but eatting bon bons alllll day long!!! - page 6

If I hear my husband use the phrase, "Well when you work 40 hours a week!...." I just stopped asking my husband for any help. I tried to get him to help out around the house since I have started... Read More

  1. by   lovejana22

    ugggg i totally understand, mine has stopped asking what i do all day....besides taking care of a 3 year old, cleaning, having dinner cooked before i go to school, make sure the older ones chores are done, having every one clean clothes oh and let me not forget the a's and b's i have!!!! no honey i do nothing!!!!!
  2. by   Honeychild
    I had the same problem when I started as well. No help with childcare, chores etc. I am now in my last term and we have had so many arguments about the same s*** over and over. Anyway, we sat down and had a serious discussion and discovered that even though he was happy that I was doing what I wanted with my life, he was intimidated because he never finished college and was afraid I was going to leave him when I graduated and was "better" than him. Needless to say, I definitely to NOT feel this way. Also, it bothered him that I would be making more than him in the money department and he felt that it was his job to provide for our family, etc. Stone age type of stuff. Once it was out in the open, the bickering sort of went away. He helps out with our daughter MUCH more and is even considering taking a part-time job when I start mine in order to stay home with her even more.

    I feel your pain, but stick it through if he is worth it.
  3. by   Halinja
    You know, I have heard from more than one person that their significant other is scared that when they (my friends) get their degrees, they will leave. As if economics was the only thing holding them in the relationship. It seems sad.

    How cool that you were able to talk that one out. Communication is the key to a good relationship.
  4. by   pagandeva2000
    Most people compare nursing school to any other course where you can read all day, and jump up to be a family woman. Not so for nursing...there are labs, clinicals, hard courses and the physical and emotional turmoil. After 2 years of school, I had to get a housekeeper to come and clean up because just couldn't keep up. My husband is very supportive, it is just that he is a cop, and is not home enough. He paid 1/2 for the service to come clean, though...LOL. Thank god it is over!
  5. by   XYnurse2B
    Oh ladies... And guys for that matter... There has been many mentions of "training" the significant other to act in a supportive fashion for you during nursing school. While I can see the validity in this stance, let me say this, You're going about it all wrong. First, if you think your significant other is "trainable", you really should refine your training methods. Withholding, nagging, and careless spending are not ways to make a lesson learned. These actions will only create resentment and strife. If we, as guys, weren't quick enough to pick up on an idea when you asked us directly, what makes you think we will when you tell us indirectly through your actions. I'll let you all in on a little secret. All it takes is some positive reinforcement. I know it's simplistic... But just like you enjoy knowing your efforts are appreciated, so do we. Take the most simple thing, he mowed the lawn. Let him know that you are grateful for his help and you can see that he loves you via this small thing. It may seem corny, but trust me, it works. If your husband truly loves you and wants to make you happy, he will mow the lawn again... maybe twice a week. You may even see him start doing things around the house, like washing dishes. This is because he knows if you see these acts as expressions of love, and you recognize his efforts, he will be more likely to continue. Bottom line... use honey, not vinegar, and watch your man turn into a supportive, loving, caring, house cleaning machine. And by the way, I am happily married and we are BOTH about to start an ADN program in August. Good luck to everyone.
  6. by   IrishIzCPNP
    Quote from XYnurse2B
    Oh ladies... And guys for that matter... There has been many mentions of "training" the significant other to act in a supportive fashion for you during nursing school. While I can see the validity in this stance, let me say this, You're going about it all wrong. First, if you think your significant other is "trainable", you really should refine your training methods. Withholding, nagging, and careless spending are not ways to make a lesson learned. These actions will only create resentment and strife. If we, as guys, weren't quick enough to pick up on an idea when you asked us directly, what makes you think we will when you tell us indirectly through your actions. I'll let you all in on a little secret. All it takes is some positive reinforcement. I know it's simplistic... But just like you enjoy knowing your efforts are appreciated, so do we. Take the most simple thing, he mowed the lawn. Let him know that you are grateful for his help and you can see that he loves you via this small thing. It may seem corny, but trust me, it works. If your husband truly loves you and wants to make you happy, he will mow the lawn again... maybe twice a week. You may even see him start doing things around the house, like washing dishes. This is because he knows if you see these acts as expressions of love, and you recognize his efforts, he will be more likely to continue. Bottom line... use honey, not vinegar, and watch your man turn into a supportive, loving, caring, house cleaning machine. And by the way, I am happily married and we are BOTH about to start an ADN program in August. Good luck to everyone.

    Sorry, tried that didn't work. I even TOLD him that when he does xyz that it just makes me so happy and it's like getting flowers and it brings me closer to him. Doesn't work. He doesn't care because "he works 40 hours a week in a good week".

    Some men do not care. They will not help. The don't see nursing school as an issue. They don't see it as work. In their eyes you aren't doing something that is so time consuming that you can't do everything. Their job is hard work according to some and nursing school is not hard work. There's no way to change it.

    I will add it's not all men. This past week one of the guys in the class told me he actually has this issue with his wife...she expecting him to do things when he needs to study.
  7. by   MollyMel
    I have to say my husband is great. I didn't actually believe in marriage until I met him. He is really excited and proud about me going back to school. We both hate housework so we are good about splitting it (or both procrastinating). He likes cooking more than I do and so he does it more often than me. One compromise, we bought a dishwasher, that was the only thing we used to both get stressed about.
    What we tend to do is that who ever is the one at home does what needs to be done. I have a few days off during the week so if he is out of clean t-shirts I'll do laundry. On the weekends when I'm in school if the house needs cleaning he is the one at home so he does it.
    Since he is supporting me through school, whenever he gets stressed about money I remind him about how I'll be making 2x what I used to make soon, and eventually after grad school will make about as much as he makes. At that point he can quit work to do whatever he wants to do and I'll support him! The important thing is that we are partners, and are in this together. What's a couple years of stress when it will lead to many more years of increased comfort?
    I love the idea of the school that invites SO's to orientation! What a great idea!
    Last edit by MollyMel on Jun 5, '07 : Reason: spelling lol
  8. by   pagandeva2000
    Quote from MollyMel
    I have to say my husband is great. I didn't actually believe in marriage until I met him. He is really excited and proud about me going back to school. We both hate housework so we are good about splitting it (or both procrastinating). He likes cooking more than I do and so he does it more often than me. One compromise, we bought a dishwasher, that was the only thing we used to both get stressed about.
    What we tend to do is that who ever is the one at home does what needs to be done. I have a few days off during the week so if he is out of clean t-shirts I'll do laundry. On the weekends when I'm in school if the house needs cleaning he is the one at home so he does it.
    Since he is supporting me through school, whenever he gets stressed about money I remind him about how I'll be making 2x what I used to make soon, and eventually after grad school will make about as much as he makes. At that point he can quit work to do whatever he wants to do and I'll support him! The important thing is that we are partners, and are in this together. What's a couple years of stress when it will lead to many more years of increased comfort?
    I love the idea of the school that invites SO's to orientation! What a great idea!

    I think that the schools invites significant others because that will be the last time you'll see them until you graduate:spin: -just kidding- but, on the real side of it, your husband sounds alot like mine, and I just love my chubby hubby to death. He was so supportive through nursing school, and I am glad to have him. I am happy that you have the same sort of husband.
  9. by   lpnhell
    BOY DO i FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY HUSBAND DOES NOTHING AROUND THE HOUSE AND WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD. i GET HOME AND AM SO OVERWHELMED WITH HOUSEWORK, THAT IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET TO MY HOMEWORK!!!!!!!i NEED TO JUST LET THINGS GO SOMETIMES, BUT THE KITCHEN AND BATHROOMS NEED TO BE CLEANED, THERE IS NO GETTING AROUND THAT OR LAUNDRY....
  10. by   Michelle123
    I have been managing nursing school and 2 casual jobs, and a 3 yr old and my husband has been working fulltime and studying part time via distance education. I basically had a breakdown! So I left one of my jobs, and now we eat a lot of frozen meals, pies, nuggets, weight watchers meals, chips, etc. Not very healthy I know...the house isn't clean at the moment and the laundry is a mess. But we are taking some time off when I finish exams (last one next thursday!!) and will work out a very no fuss system that we can both do to get though the next 18 months. I do feel guilty that I am not doing more around the house becuase he is the one that we rely on for the money and he is also studying, but when I finish and am working as an RN we have talked about him leaving work to concentrate on his degree fulltime. We are in this together, a partnership to work towards our goals together. It isn't about, my goals and his goals, but what we want as a family. We have been married for almost 6 years and it has taken us a while to get to that stage though
    But you do what you can to make your life easier. If that means only vacuuming the middle of the floor once a week then so be it, lower your standards!!
    There is also a site www.flylady.com which covers basic stuff which might help you, it is all about getting it done in less time, doing the basic stuff, that hardly takes any time.
  11. by   celery
    I went to school all day, all week, studying like crazy when not there. I have done almost every single dish (no dishwasher) and cleaned, folded, and put away almost every single peice of laundry, collected and took out almost every piece of trash in the house, arranged all the daycare, swept all the floors, vacuumed all the rugs, cleaned all the cars (inside and out), prepared most meals, etc, etc, etc....for 5 years, and I accept that i will for the rest of my life. I am grateful for every single cent my wife has earned for our entire marriage. I am ready to not only do all that I always have, but to start helping with the bills too.

    one of those bills might be a helper around the house, lol.

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