WWYD - Fellow student making me feel awkward about my accomplishments...

[klone, MSN, RN]

I'm starting the nursing program this fall. This summer I took a prerequisite Nursing Asst. course, and right now I"m taking a week-long mini course - "Nutrition for Nurses". Because these are prerequisites, most of the students in both of these courses are going to be fellow students in the nursing program. It's great that I've gotten to know many of them and have formed friendships with several of them before the nursing program has even started.

There's one woman who was in the CNA class and was in my CNA clinicals, and is also in my nutrition class. We have gotten our clinical assignment for the nursing class and she is also in my clinical group. I really like her a lot and we have a lot in common and I could see us becoming good friends. I'll call her C.

During the CNA class, several of us were comparing the scores we got on the NET. She expressed amazement when she learned what score I got. Also, the situation arose during our CNA clinicals where our lecture instructor was on vacation, so on the last day of clinicals, our clinical instructor received our class grades and we all agreed that he could just tell us all, out loud, what grade we received. I happened to receive the highest grade in the class, and the entire clinical group was made aware of this.

I am not shy, I am used to public speaking, and as a result, I tend to be one of the more outspoken ones in class.

Anyway...all this background. My point is, when we're together in a group, C is always saying to the other people how smart and accomplished I am and what good grades/scores I always get. At first I was flattered, but she KEEPS ON talking about it with whomever is around and it really makes me feel uncomfortable. Today we had a quiz and the teacher had us do it as a group, and C was in my group. As we all sat down together, C said, "Okay everyone, we're with Kerry so we're in good hands! Just do whatever she does." Well, there were a few questions on the quiz where we weren't sure what the answer was, or I thought it was one answer and a few others thought it was something else. For those questions, I'd say that I was putting down B, and everyone else would put down B, too. Then, we'd find out we got it wrong and I'd feel totally responsible for everyone else's grade!

Now, I'm proud of my grades, and yes, I do know that I'm smart and am good at taking tests. I'm not one for false modesty, either. When she starts on about it, I usually just laugh and roll my eyes, or jokingly say "Oh, shut up!" But I'm really starting to worry that I'm going to get this reputation before we even start the nursing classes! I'm afraid people are either going to dislike me or try to schmooze me, based on this assumption that I know all the answers.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, or has any advice on how to handle it. My husband told me to look her right in the eye and say "Knock it off!" next time she does it. I'm not a confrontational person, and I do really like her and I don't want her to feel bad or awkward.

[rn undisclosed name]

Hmmm, since you don't want to confront her how about you say something else everytime she starts it up. Maybe something like what do you think of the weather. If you say the same thing all the time maybe she'll get the point and stop it. Or else you could pull her aside and tell her that you feel like you are being put on the spot and it makes you very uncomfortable. I don't think she realizes what she is doing but if you speak up she'll probably feel bad and stop doing it.

Kelly

[allthingsbright]

Wellllllll....

It seems that since your grades are "out there" it makes sense that people are commenting on them. It doesnt seem like she is doing you any harm-she seems pretty complemetary. I would draw the line at taking responsibility for other peoples grades since you are a smartie-its pretty natural for people to lean on the smart students in class (it always happens)-it sucks for you, though. Just dont let people defer to you for answers (hey, pair up with another *brain* if you get the chance), and when your friend comments on your grades just smile and move on-change the subject or something. If it really bugs you, take her aside privately and NICELY tell her what's up. No sense in losing friends-you need all the ones you can get in NS!

Good luck!

[wonderbee, BSN, RN]

Why not just ask her to be cool about it? Tell her you'd like to blend. What's wrong with letting someone know your preferences? You can be matter of fact about it. It doesn't have to be dramatic or a big deal.

A friend of mine placed second or third grade-wise in our class of over 100. Over time, she became so overwhelmed with the help-seekers that she had to seek counseling. It got especially bad at finals. Best to nip it in the bud now. If this student is truly meant to be your friend, she'll understand. Healthy relationships have boundaries.

[meandragonbrett]

Next time you have group quiz...mark wrong answers and then change yours to correct answers before you turn it it That'll get them off your back. I remember when I took the entrance exam, I scored very high on it (180 something out of 200) and everybody else I knew scored in the low 100s. Just keep your head up and let people think what they want!

[snuggy]

There's a difference between expressing your feelings about something and being confrontational. You can tell her that what she's doing is bothering you without being nasty about it. Simply talk to her privately, perhaps grab a coffee or a sandwich together one day. (I stress the private part... embarrassing her would be awful!) Let her know how *you feel* and NOT what she's doing wrong.

For example: "I wanted to talk to you privately about how I'm feeling in school right now. I feel like everyone is scrutinizing me and putting me up on a pedestal because of my grades. I feel like I'm just a regular person who's trying to do the best job possible like everyone else, but it's hard for me to feel like I fit in very well because I'm always being singled-out. So, the next time people start going on and on about my grades, would you mind helping me to change the subject? You're the best friend I've got here, and I could really use your help with this. Will you help me?"

Chances are she's going to say that you deserve to be in the spotlight, etc... but just reaffirm your feelings. (that it makes you feel uncomfortable, unable to fit in well, singled-out, etc) If she's truly your friend, she WILL help you. And, in the process, she will also realize that she's been doing the same thing to you and stop. :)

As for everyone else... don't even worry about them. There's always going to be a top student in every class. For your class, that person just happens to be you. Be helpful, but also be clear that you aren't giving any coattail rides. Some people are going to dislike you just because you're "better" at something than they are, which is ridiculous. (Jealousy is an evil thing!) But keep in mind that there are also going to be people who truly appreciate your intelligence, and they are going to be the people who want to learn with (and from) you. So be sure not to confuse someone wanting to learn with you with someone who just wants a free ride. It's usually pretty easy to see the difference. :chuckle

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

I had a similar problem but finally had to make myself unaccessible, just as I did for family and church family, etc., because there is only so much time in a day. I had to set priorities, and my family came before my classmates.You are not responsible for everyone else passing or failing. And you need to remember that you are in school for YOU, not someone else. Believe me, as time goes on the course gets more difficult and you have to be selfish with your time. You will only be around these people a short time anyway, and everything changes once you get to work, so let them sink or swim (unless you WANT to be helpful). I had a lab group that would not come prepared, not pay attention to the assignment, etc. They depended on me to pull them thru. The instructor saw what was going on, and for the final, exempted me and others because of our grades. This left the rest of the group to struggle thru that lab and they were completely lost. I never saw them again because they did not make it to nursing school. Surprise surprise.

[jschut, BSN, RN]

How about, during a lab, quiz or otherwise, when she starts in...,just say something to the effect of..."My answers may be wrong, so I think we should all be in this together!"

Maybe that'll work! Good Luck!

[Jill1215]

My first rule in school is that nobody knows my grades. I get high marks too and I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me or feel like their B does not mean something special. I make it an absolute rule not to share my grades. I always say that I did fine when asked about my score. Sooner or later it seems that those who have it known what they get on the tests are the ones who have problems with peers later on. With this situation I think you have to be very direct. I think you need to tell your friend that you do not like her telling people what you make and or how smart you are and that you are uncomfortable with her doing so. Of course, you too are going to have to stop letting people see your grades. When you get into the program and some people bust their a**es and end up with a C having them know you made an A does no good for either of you. In nursing school I would simply be more discreet. Tell your friend to cut it out and then stop letting others know your grade. It really is better. That way no resentment or negative feelings will build between you and your peers.

[Sheri257]

My first rule in school is that nobody knows my grades.

I agree. That way you avoid a ton of BS. I usually do the same thing but made the mistake of telling a friend, after she kept bugging me to tell her. Afterward, she got so competitive on me, it definitely wasn't worth it. I won't make that mistake again.

[klone, MSN, RN]

My first rule in school is that nobody knows my grades.

That's a very good rule. I will remember that in the future.

Thank you, everyone, for your advice!