Totally stressed about this decision....

  1. Hi! I was hoping someone could help me with this difficult decision I have to make. This is the situation...I have an A.S in liberal arts from a Comm. college here in Hawaii. My husband is stationed here in the army and his job takes him away from home 6 months or more out of the yr. (approx. 30-45 days at a time) We have an 11 month old and I am desperately wanting to get my BSN. The university here requires you to have 2 yrs of a foreign language and you have to take the NLN exam...I am on a time limit as my husband is only here for 2-3 more years. I could go to the community college I got my AS from and get my ADN...I would only have to take about 15 clases. Okay, here is where it gets confusing...my parents live in NM and have offered to let my daughter and I live with them while I go to school full time to get my BSN. To get my BSN, I have to take about 25 classes (only 7 of my classes transfered from my AS.) So I am looking at about 3 1/2 yrs before I graduate...The pros of going to NM are that I will be able to go to school full time whenever I needed to, I will have all the support at home, and my daughter will be well taken care of. The cons are that I will have to be seperated from my husband...(he will probally get to visit every 6 mos.) The pros of staying are that I will get my ADN in about 2 1/2 yrs and will be able to take the boards and work for a while before we leave...the cons: finding quality daycare for my daughter, not having support/help at home when my husband is gone, and not being able to finish the degree if my husband gets transfered before I finish! ARGHHHHH!!
    I need to mention that my husband is very supportive of us moving to NM if that is what it takes...
    Help me please! Thank you in advance for the advice....Gracie
    •  
  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   delirium
    Gracie:
    I understand just where you're coming from. I have been stressed about quite a few decisions lately. Of course you have to make this decision for yourself, because only you know what is best for you and your family.
    I think NM sounds like a pretty good deal. You'd have quality care for your daughter, time to study, you wouldn't have to worry about little details like if your husband is transferred before you finish your degree. It would take you a bit longer to obtain the BSN, but when you had it, you'd be finished. Unless, of course, you intend to go on to a graduate level.
    Many of us that are getting our ADNs (myself included) intend to go on to get the BSN, and if I had the opportunity to get that to begin with, I surely would have.
    The flipside is that you'd be away from your husband, but it sounds like you two are separated fairly often as it is.
    If it were me, I would try for the BSN.
    Good luck whatever your decision.
    Take care,
    Rebecca
  4. by   Robin61970
    I realize how difficult it will be to be seperated from your husband, but...it does seem to be the best thing for you and your child. I believe you would do better in school with the support of your family and not the stress of worrying about your child. Make sure you both have computers so you can email,lol or get him a laptop...just a thought...good luck
  5. by   TeresaRN2b
    BTDT, big mistake (well at least for me) My dh was in the Navy and would be out to sea six months at a time and then also periodically for 3 or 4 week cruises in between the six month cruises. I decided that it would be easier if I went on and moved back home ahead of time. I knew he would be getting out in a year so I thought it would be better for us. I had two children at that time. One was about to enter kindergarten and the other one was 1. My in-laws said that I could stay with them and they would watch the kids for me so I could go back to work and establish my career as a medical assistant. Granted I was not going to school at the time, but it is a similar situation. It was the very hardest year of our marriage and it almost destroyed our marriage. I would never do it again and if I had the choice to do it over I would have stayed with my dh. I see no reason why you can't finish your nursing degree in Hawaii with the two year degree. You can always get your bachelors when he is done or perhaps he can get extended orders so that you can finish a bachelors degree there. I know I am going against the flow here, but I say get your associates degree in Hawaii and when your dh is out then you can go home with your family to finish your Bachelors. A nursing degree is hard and I think it will be very stressful not having your dh by your side supporting you. Two or three years living that kind of seperated life will be icredibly hard to maintain your marriage. Believe me, I thought that since my dh was gone so much as it was that it really wouldn't matter, but it did. The little bit of time I had with him was a treasure and I would never give up any of it again. My dh is out of the Navy now and is my rock to lean on. Just thought I'd give another perspective here.
  6. by   kittykash
    Sounds like you have a major decision to make. Moving home with your parents SOUNDS really great. However, how long has it been since you've lived with Mom & Dad? I moved back in for 6 weeks once after I had moved out for four years. I was absolutely miserable. My bedroom, which was once my "safe haven" no longer offered me what it once did. I felt I had to be social, help around the house, etc. --which wasn't so bad, but everything I did was under constant scrutiny. Imagine them scolding your child. How will you feel. We tend to do things much differently than our parents did. Just think about everything really hard. Ask around for references for good child care in the area, maybe another military wife would be willing to be your babysitter. Time goes by faster than one imagines. You can always go back to school to get your BSN. Good luck in your decision making.
  7. by   lalajenn
    Well for me I have been accepted into the nursing program and start in August but dh is thinking about the military. We live with my parents right now since I stay at home with my kids and dh dosen't make that much money. Anyway people have said that I should stay here and go to school to get my degree. Well I did think about that at first and then I thought really long and hard about it. First off dh wasn't happy about me and the kids staying here for 2 more years with my parents while he is who knows where in the military. I don't like living here with my parents because I feel like a teenager at times and I don't like it when they try to tell my kids what they should and shouldn't do. Deep down inside I didn't want to be away from my dh. Yes I know that he would be gone a lot. I grew up in the military so I know what to expect and all but the time we would have together would be special and he is a major support system for me and the kids would really miss him and I don't want them to not see him. I think it is a good plan for what you have but I think you really need to think long and hard about it. My decision has been if he does join the military I will go wherever he goes and I can always go back to school later on once we are situated. Good luck and let us know how it turns out!!
  8. by   mistersleepy
    Graciegirl, for what it is worth, I think you would be making a mistake to go back stateside. I would stay and get the adn. There are lots of options to complete a BSN later in a year to a year and 1/2. Not only do you need to be there for your marriage, your kids need the connection to dad. No matter what you do, it will be tough but don't put the strain on your marriage.

    Robert

    [ June 15, 2001: Message edited by: mistersleepy ]
  9. by   MollyJ
    You've got lots of advisors and what individuals families can tolerate varies widely so ultimately the decision is yours.

    I would do a pro's and con's list and I would list personal and professional pro's and con's. So it would look like this:

    Stay in Hawaii
    Pro's
    Personal:
    Professional:

    Con's
    personal:
    professional:

    Go to NM
    Pro's
    Personal:
    Professional:

    Con's
    Personal:
    Professional:

    And then, before I am done, I would do a pro's and con's list from my daughter's perspective. At 11 months, she doesn't have a voice or a concept, but this choice will affect her deeply, so do a list from her perspective, too. Discuss all of the lists with your hubby and get his input, too.

    And then, if you are wanting a little more perspective, either post a question or read posts about how going to nursing school affects families. I am going to be frank here. 25 years ago, my nursing class had a divorce rate. It's hard to say if those marriages were on the skids pre-nursing school or what, but in nursing school divorce happens.

    I am a huge pro-BSN fan, so I appreciate the depth of your dilemma. And if you did the ASN, no doubt sooner or later your husband would grumble, "H***, you might as well be in New Mexico," but this decision will impact your family, either way, for many years to come.

    Good luck.
  10. by   dgh1973
    In my opinion it would be far more important to stay with your husband and keep your family together. My husband was in the military and we didn't have our child until his last year in, so luckily he never had to do a float after the baby was born. I think if you went to the community college and spoke with an advisor to voice your concerns you would certainly understand your options more clearly. They may have some prerequisite courses you could take via the internet or television from home. Have you checked out the daycare on base? I know where we were stationed they had a daycare facility for military personnel and families. If you could find out exactly the schedule you'd be on regarding your core nursing courses then you could see what your schedule would be like as far as how many hours a week you'd have to put your child in daycare. It's just my opinion, but keeping your family together is more important than a degree right now. I know that it's hard when you feel so eager about starting school and finishing and feeling accomplished. In reality however, your child and your husband need to be the most important things in your life right now. You always have the option too of waiting until your child starts pre-K or Kindergarten. I know that seems like a long time but your child will only be a baby once, so enjoy it and put your whole heart into raising her/him and I know he/she would appreciate that later on. Speaking from one military wife to another, I saw too many wives move home while their husbands left and it tore their marriages apart. The time and distance and difference in lifestyles was too burdensome. At least if you stay in the military environment while he's gone you and your child are taken care of and you are providing stability in your home and baby is not raised with a dad he/she sees every 6 months. It's just part of life when we have children, sometimes our aspirations have to be put on hold until we've met our responsibility as parents, as hard as that is at times. Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck with whatever you decide.

    Dee

close