The Divorced Parent Student Support group

  1. Any divorced parent students out there?

    I'm in the process and looking for some people with experience
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   CaterpillarGirl
    Quote from agent
    Any divorced parent students out there?

    I'm in the process and looking for some people with experience

    Yup, that would be me. Divorced about a year ago, with a four year old daughter. We're going through some custudy icky-ness right now because I've been accepted to an out of state school, and he doesn't want her to go with me. (like he could take care of her, he made $900 last year - seriously :stone )

    Anyway, if you have any questions feel free to ask.
  4. by   Altra
    Quote from agent
    Any divorced parent students out there?

    I'm in the process and looking for some people with experience
    Sorry to hear you're going through this, Agent. Best of luck to you.

    If I may ask, how many children do you have?
  5. by   TLC RN
    Agent- that sucks I am divorced and am a single parent part time student now, full time either January or September...depends on the letter coming in the next week

    Any questions...feel free to ask!
  6. by   agent
    I have 2 boys age 1 and 2.

    Should I fight for joint custody or let her have full w/lots of visitation?
  7. by   NiobiusSwan
    I was with Zion's (my son) father for a year after Zion was born. Safety issues forced us to leave.

    I have full custody and his father has supervised parenting time due to the abuse. However, he is now fighting for unsupervised visitation because he has a new wife who wants child support reduced. The one time we tried unsupervised visitation Zion came home with bruises, absolutely hysterical, and I had to call CPS.

    Even if your ex is a good mom, there's no reason why you shouldn't have joint custody. Assuming that both parents are stable and good to the children, it's the preferred arrangment. I suppose it depends on what would work better for everyone. If you're going to be in school full-time and working and won't be able to care for the kids half the time, you should probably let her have full custody with lots of visitation. However, if you will be able to parent half the time, I'd definitely go for joint custody.

    I WISH that my ex were a good guy. I'd love it if I could trust him with unsupervised visitation. It's tough doing EVERYTHING by yourself.

    Also, your child support will be significantly higher if she has full custody.
  8. by   CaterpillarGirl
    Quote from agent
    I have 2 boys age 1 and 2.

    Should I fight for joint custody or let her have full w/lots of visitation?

    That's a tough one, with your boys being so young. What you need to do is try to think about what situation would be best for your boys. Are they the type that are okay with being away from their mom overnight? There's also a difference between joint PHYSICAL and joint LEGAL custody. Make sure that you have as much say about their rearing as she does, even if you don't have them 50% of the time.
  9. by   agent
    Quote from DieTryin'
    That's a tough one, with your boys being so young. What you need to do is try to think about what situation would be best for your boys. Are they the type that are okay with being away from their mom overnight? There's also a difference between joint PHYSICAL and joint LEGAL custody. Make sure that you have as much say about their rearing as she does, even if you don't have them 50% of the time.

    I've heard all joint gives you is education (which I'll probably be providing) religion and medical.

    She currently takes care of medical. Religion we agree on.

    I think if I can work these things out in the martial settlement agreement I will let her have full.

    That's interesting that you mentioned the support would be higher. Since the wife and I currently work opposite shifts, she takes care of the kids during the day and I at night.

    If I have the kids often I shouldnt have to be paying so much.

    Ive been avoiding getting a lawyer at $300 an hour which I cant afford as a student.

    She has a lawyer through her sister thats how she's paying for it all.


    I feel I'm getting screwed, but I'm not sure I can beat(or if its worth it to beat) her sister's deep pockets when the kids will be with the mom probably 75% of the time anyway.
  10. by   hypnotic_nurse
    I am no longer a student (graduated in 2000) but I enrolled in school the day after I saw the lawyer for the divorce.

    It was not easy with two kids 8 and 12 (especially since the ex wouldn't be flexible when I had classes, despite living 1/2 mile from me)...and I worked full time throughout.

    But I did it. You can too.

    If you have joint custody, and she makes more than you, she may be paying you child support.

    If you are unhappy with what she wants in the decree, don't sign it until you get some kind of compromise.

    My lawyer took pity on me and did my whole divorce for $500 -- and he let me pay part of it over time. You might be able to find someone like that who will at least keep your interests at heart -- because her lawyer won't, no matter how amicable the divorce.

    Good luck and remember -- it does get better! I am grateful every day that I got my RN.
  11. by   angelac1978
    Quote from agent
    I've heard all joint gives you is education (which I'll probably be providing) religion and medical.

    She currently takes care of medical. Religion we agree on.

    I think if I can work these things out in the martial settlement agreement I will let her have full.

    That's interesting that you mentioned the support would be higher. Since the wife and I currently work opposite shifts, she takes care of the kids during the day and I at night.

    If I have the kids often I shouldnt have to be paying so much.

    Ive been avoiding getting a lawyer at $300 an hour which I cant afford as a student.

    She has a lawyer through her sister thats how she's paying for it all.


    I feel I'm getting screwed, but I'm not sure I can beat(or if its worth it to beat) her sister's deep pockets when the kids will be with the mom probably 75% of the time anyway.

    Agent, I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. that totally sucks. If you think you aren't getting a fair shake in all of this, you should consider going to Legal Aid. Surely there has to be a Legal Aid in Chicago and your payments are based on your financial situation. You should have some representation, or at least someone to get legal advice from. I hope that this process is a nontraumatic as possible for your family.

    A
  12. by   CaterpillarGirl
    Quote from agent
    I've heard all joint gives you is education (which I'll probably be providing) religion and medical.

    She currently takes care of medical. Religion we agree on.

    I think if I can work these things out in the martial settlement agreement I will let her have full.

    That's interesting that you mentioned the support would be higher. Since the wife and I currently work opposite shifts, she takes care of the kids during the day and I at night.

    If I have the kids often I shouldnt have to be paying so much.

    Ive been avoiding getting a lawyer at $300 an hour which I cant afford as a student.

    She has a lawyer through her sister thats how she's paying for it all.


    I feel I'm getting screwed, but I'm not sure I can beat(or if its worth it to beat) her sister's deep pockets when the kids will be with the mom probably 75% of the time anyway.
    Check with your local bar association, they might kow of lawyers that do pro bono work. If not, most will have self help clinics set up where you can at least get your questions answered by a lawyer. I did my divorce without a lawyer, but my ex husband never even responded so I got everything my way. Who knows, it might be better for you to have every weekend type visitation untill you're done with school. Once you're working as an RN you can always get a lawyer and have things modified.
  13. by   agent
    Quote from DieTryin'
    Check with your local bar association, they might kow of lawyers that do pro bono work. If not, most will have self help clinics set up where you can at least get your questions answered by a lawyer. I did my divorce without a lawyer, but my ex husband never even responded so I got everything my way. Who knows, it might be better for you to have every weekend type visitation untill you're done with school. Once you're working as an RN you can always get a lawyer and have things modified.
    Thats sort of her argument.

    My concerns is how it will look to the courts if I do that. I feel I will never get custody if I dont get joint now.
  14. by   TLC RN
    Quote from agent
    Thats sort of her argument.

    My concerns is how it will look to the courts if I do that. I feel I will never get custody if I dont get joint now.
    Have you seen sites like this?

    http://www.dadsdivorce.com/

    I also know of a law practice in Michigan that focuses on the men's rights. Maybe try to find something like that and see if they will do a payment plan or something. Or at least do the free phone consultations...

    Good luck, it is very important to have good representation.

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