Teenage twin girls

salgal · Apr 27, 2003

Hi Everyone....

I am running into some serious problems at home while trying to juggle the work...school, single mom thing. I waited until my twins were older to return to school. They are now 14.......aaahhhhhgggggg!!! If I survive the teenage years it will truly be a miracle. One minute they are so proud of me and the next minute they hate me. They say I have ruined thier lives by going back to school and that I only think of myself. One of the biggest reasons I went back to school is so I can afford to send them both to college. We have moved to a smaller home and are on a really tight buget while I am in school. I do work about 30 hours a week also. I feel so guilty that I am not with them more but I do try to spend special time with them as often as possible.......but they usually just act miserable being with me. I feel like the only time they are even remotely nice to me is when I am spending money on them. When I am out of money I am basically useless to them. I have just finished up my pre-req's and co-req's.......and applied to a two year ADN program. I can't give all this up.......yet I know they will only be young once. You know though....they were always laying a guilt trip on me even before I went back to school...... I geuss I am just rambling........would love to hear from other mothers of teenage girls. I have a 21 year old son and never had these problems with him. This situation just breaks my heart!

Disablednurse · Apr 27, 2003

My mother was a stay at home mom and was always there for us. When I was in school, there was one student that had to drop out because her children threw a guilt trip on her for not being there to cook and clean for them. If my mom had wanted to go to school, she would have gotten my full support. My sil went back for her RN degree(she was an LPN), and my nephew had no problems with it other that with dear sil telling him that if she could make all A's, then he could too. My nephew and db really helped out though, so she could do well. I really applaude mothers that return to school.

Disablednurse · Apr 27, 2003

My mother was a stay at home mom and was always there for us. When I was in school, there was one student that had to drop out because her children threw a guilt trip on her for not being there to cook and clean for them. If my mom had wanted to go to school, she would have gotten my full support. My sil went back for her RN degree(she was an LPN), and my nephew had no problems with it other that with dear sil telling him that if she could make all A's, then he could too. My nephew and db really helped out though, so she could do well. I really applaude mothers that return to school.

JudithL_in_NH · Apr 27, 2003

I have an 18-year-old son who never gives me a lick of concern, and a 16-year-old daughter. While she is sincerely delightful, life with her can be a roller coaster ride. (There's also a nine-year-old daughter, still in the "mommy can do no wrong" stage.) I have a few friends who have multiple sons and lament that they have no girls; I always tell them how lucky they are! Raising daughters in some ways seems more complex than raising sons . . . sons seem to play fewer head games.

I have always worked at least half time, but I work from my home (medical transcription and tutoring), so mine are a bit spoiled that I'm relatively available to them. Yet they've had to learn "When mama is working, the answer to everything is 'no.'" -- they would interrupt me a lot. I still work, and am finishing prereqs. I'm accepted into a program (2-year ADN) so they've been forewarned that I will be less available to them, and they need to pull even more of their weight around the house when I'm not here. I don't mean they should tote barges and lift bales, mostly I mean they need to take responsibility for themselves and one another. Luckily, most of my class and clinical time will be when they are at school, and I have decided not to work, or work only very part time, my first semester. I've already told them that I will work at least 16-24 hours/week starting my second semester.

My mom went back to work when I was in high school, and I remember calling her at work and giving her a hard time about needing stupid things from her that I couldn't find for myself. I made it very hard for her.

It's a rough age; they want their independence, yet independence is a scary thing and they still want you, too. Their psyches are in a tug of war, and you get to be the rope that's yanked on. It WILL get better with your daughters. My daughter is much better now at 16 than she was at 14. By 15 or so mine decided she enjoyed independence and stopped with the "you don't do anything for me" kind of stuff. In reality, I had always spent plenty of time with her--it *is* just a guilt trip. Do make time to do "special" things with them when you can--do you spend time with them separately? I find each of mine always like "alone" time with mom.

They will have enormous respect for you if you continue to pursue your goals. I know that mine respect me; they know I love them, but they understand I have a right to a life, too. And in their hearts, they know I don't neglect them.

*Very* soon your girls will be adults themselves and they will understand that you have a right to your own life, and they will understand that your studies contributed to the overall welfare of the family. If you give in to them now, they'll just realize they're good at manipulating people.

I WILL get better! Feel free to PM me if you want to commiserate. I still have this whole journey to do with my 9-year-old daughter, and I WILL be working full time outside of the home when she is a teenager . . . I'm hoping she'll learn from the example of her older sibs--but they never seem to!

JudithL_in_NH · Apr 27, 2003

I have an 18-year-old son who never gives me a lick of concern, and a 16-year-old daughter. While she is sincerely delightful, life with her can be a roller coaster ride. (There's also a nine-year-old daughter, still in the "mommy can do no wrong" stage.) I have a few friends who have multiple sons and lament that they have no girls; I always tell them how lucky they are! Raising daughters in some ways seems more complex than raising sons . . . sons seem to play fewer head games.

I have always worked at least half time, but I work from my home (medical transcription and tutoring), so mine are a bit spoiled that I'm relatively available to them. Yet they've had to learn "When mama is working, the answer to everything is 'no.'" -- they would interrupt me a lot. I still work, and am finishing prereqs. I'm accepted into a program (2-year ADN) so they've been forewarned that I will be less available to them, and they need to pull even more of their weight around the house when I'm not here. I don't mean they should tote barges and lift bales, mostly I mean they need to take responsibility for themselves and one another. Luckily, most of my class and clinical time will be when they are at school, and I have decided not to work, or work only very part time, my first semester. I've already told them that I will work at least 16-24 hours/week starting my second semester.

My mom went back to work when I was in high school, and I remember calling her at work and giving her a hard time about needing stupid things from her that I couldn't find for myself. I made it very hard for her.

It's a rough age; they want their independence, yet independence is a scary thing and they still want you, too. Their psyches are in a tug of war, and you get to be the rope that's yanked on. It WILL get better with your daughters. My daughter is much better now at 16 than she was at 14. By 15 or so mine decided she enjoyed independence and stopped with the "you don't do anything for me" kind of stuff. In reality, I had always spent plenty of time with her--it *is* just a guilt trip. Do make time to do "special" things with them when you can--do you spend time with them separately? I find each of mine always like "alone" time with mom.

They will have enormous respect for you if you continue to pursue your goals. I know that mine respect me; they know I love them, but they understand I have a right to a life, too. And in their hearts, they know I don't neglect them.

*Very* soon your girls will be adults themselves and they will understand that you have a right to your own life, and they will understand that your studies contributed to the overall welfare of the family. If you give in to them now, they'll just realize they're good at manipulating people.

I WILL get better! Feel free to PM me if you want to commiserate. I still have this whole journey to do with my 9-year-old daughter, and I WILL be working full time outside of the home when she is a teenager . . . I'm hoping she'll learn from the example of her older sibs--but they never seem to!

allnurses Guide · Apr 27, 2003

I have one son, 20 years old and in college and another who is 18 and a Senior and ready to graduate in a month and a half. Also a 13 y.o. daughter and 21 month old son.

My fears about working and going to school with teenagers is that the decisions they make in rebellion have the potential to be serious . . drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.

The teenage years for my boys was (is) tough . . . I can't even imagine what my daughter will be like.

Scary times. :eek:

allnurses Guide · Apr 27, 2003

I have one son, 20 years old and in college and another who is 18 and a Senior and ready to graduate in a month and a half. Also a 13 y.o. daughter and 21 month old son.

My fears about working and going to school with teenagers is that the decisions they make in rebellion have the potential to be serious . . drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.

The teenage years for my boys was (is) tough . . . I can't even imagine what my daughter will be like.

Scary times. :eek:

Rapheal · Apr 27, 2003

My daughter is 17 and is a joy but they can be a handful. My friend has 4 girls between the ages of 10-21. I once went to her for advice when my daughter seemed to hate me. She told me that in her experience that girls seem to "cycle" every 2 years till about 16. In their quest for independence and identity they become moody and difficult. Because we-the moms are so close to them they will take their frustrations and growing pains out on us because they know that we are the people who will love them no matter what.

I found 14 to be difficult at times and a definate improvement after that. As for my 16 year old son, well he has continued to be a handful since he was 12.

Hang in there mom. One of my biggest joys was when my daughter pinned me for graduation. I can hear the pride in her voice when she tells people "MY mom is a nurse."

Oh -by the way. Have you tried consignment shops for name brand clothes for the girls? I was able to buy enough name brand clothes for my kids by shopping there to help "pad" their wardrobe with designer clothes. It seemed important to them at 14 to have Abercrombie, Tommy, and AE clothes. Now they do not seem to care as much about what brands they are wearing.

Good luck and best wishes.

Rapheal · Apr 27, 2003

My daughter is 17 and is a joy but they can be a handful. My friend has 4 girls between the ages of 10-21. I once went to her for advice when my daughter seemed to hate me. She told me that in her experience that girls seem to "cycle" every 2 years till about 16. In their quest for independence and identity they become moody and difficult. Because we-the moms are so close to them they will take their frustrations and growing pains out on us because they know that we are the people who will love them no matter what.

I found 14 to be difficult at times and a definate improvement after that. As for my 16 year old son, well he has continued to be a handful since he was 12.

Hang in there mom. One of my biggest joys was when my daughter pinned me for graduation. I can hear the pride in her voice when she tells people "MY mom is a nurse."

Oh -by the way. Have you tried consignment shops for name brand clothes for the girls? I was able to buy enough name brand clothes for my kids by shopping there to help "pad" their wardrobe with designer clothes. It seemed important to them at 14 to have Abercrombie, Tommy, and AE clothes. Now they do not seem to care as much about what brands they are wearing.

Good luck and best wishes.

sixes · Apr 27, 2003

Mine were younger age 4 ,5 and 12. They were a great inspiration to me to better my life as well as their's. I didn't have much problem except when the thougth coloring my 4 day project of mapping all the hormones in the body would improve my grades. ( The teacher was very understanding, from that day on she provided coloring homework for the little ones) My 12 year old felt very proud of herself for giving her some grown up things to do.

When they hit the teens I was working but I got the same guilt trips laid on me.

I took 2 weeks leave and when pay day came and they made there requests I said oh didn't you know stay at home mom don't get paychecks. But here is a list of what you owe me for doing all your chores this week.

Never heard a peep about me working again. HAAAAAAAH

It worked that's all I can say know I enjoy events I can attend and when payday comes They really enjoy there treats now

sixes · Apr 27, 2003

Mine were younger age 4 ,5 and 12. They were a great inspiration to me to better my life as well as their's. I didn't have much problem except when the thougth coloring my 4 day project of mapping all the hormones in the body would improve my grades. ( The teacher was very understanding, from that day on she provided coloring homework for the little ones) My 12 year old felt very proud of herself for giving her some grown up things to do.

When they hit the teens I was working but I got the same guilt trips laid on me.

I took 2 weeks leave and when pay day came and they made there requests I said oh didn't you know stay at home mom don't get paychecks. But here is a list of what you owe me for doing all your chores this week.

Never heard a peep about me working again. HAAAAAAAH

It worked that's all I can say know I enjoy events I can attend and when payday comes They really enjoy there treats now