Sex and Nursing School

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Has your sex life dwindled since beginning Nursing School. My husband says he is stressed out with work. We have a great relationship, rarely argue, hold hands plenty but no sex. I really think that me studying all the time is the problem, like the lack of time we used to have. Once I am done studying I am totally ready to go but he just wants to go to bed (to sleep). Anytbody else have a similar problem?

You have to make time for each other. It isn't all about sex, though that is important. Make sure you are spending time together and fulfilling other needs as well.

Agreed and well stated.:bow:

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I am certain he is not cheating. He works from home. He is almost always home;if he goes anywhere I am usually with him. We are great buddies. He kinda goes through spurts where he just doesn't feel like sex, says just no urge, usually stress (but this time he really doesn't have any other form of stress that I know of.) Whenever this happens, like now, he doesn't like to talk about it, just says that when I try to talk to him about it, it makes it worse not better. Then, not talking about it, drives me crazy cuz I like to figure it all out and make it better.

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I am not interested at all in a "study buddy", but thanks, anyway. I am no prude and I get humor so no offense taken.

We will get through this I am sure, but I was just wondering if I was the only one affected by school in this way. Thanks for the replies and keep them coming.

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Specializes in Home Health, Case Management, OR.

Sex is a great way to release some stress during a study break:heartbeat. I realize many of you have children so doin it when you want to is out of the question! Try your best to go to bed (sleep) as many nights as possible with your husband/BF/Sig other as that seems to keep the connection (at least for us) and make time for a date night once a week or every 2 weeks. Have some wine, a good dinner and let loose for a day (or night haha).

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My first thoughts when I read this thread was, we all know the sacrifices that have to be made during NS. Why is this a priority? I've been with my fiance for 6 years, we lived together for 4. Not trying to get too personal, but since I work nights 3 sometimes 4 nights a week, we never see each other.

My :heartbeat even jokes about having lackanookie disease (lack of nookie).

If your relationship is as strong as you know it is, it shouldnt be a strain at all. If the ? was more of you need it, but hes tired when youre ready. Do it before you study, i really dont see the issue. To each is own, I guess thats what makes us all special. Good luck to you both. Nursing school doesnt last forever, its only temporary. Like I said, sometimes in life we have to make sacrifices. Consider that one of them. :redbeathe

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Sex is an important part of a relationship. If your concern were just about having enough sex for yourself (as in, hooking up), then I'd say grow up and get yourself together. Your intention sounds to be about maintaining a healthy relationship, though, and so I admire you for being so honest and willing to share your concerns. The statistics on marriages lasting show that it's very responsible of you to make this a priority.

I'm assuming the comment about your husband cheating is coming from a guy. Even the most wonderful of guys can be swayed if not taken care of and opportunity meets up. I hate to say that, even more so hate to believe it. But, as women, we can decide to see things only from our perspective and deny statistics/reality, or we can think a little broader and at least hear from the "other side".

I think it's so important for me to maintain my whole self. This includes all, my time with friends, my time with my boyfriend (he's a resident, so we kind of have an understanding, but still prioritize our relationship), time for working out/yoga, time for enjoying what I enjoy...I have straight As so far in NS, and know I couldn't UNLESS I scheduled my personal time. My study time is then more effective. I didn't mention that my planner is meticulous-I have about 2 weeks in advance that I try to manage/plan my time.

Thanks for having the courage to share. As nurses, we need to consider the "whole person" honestly. Hopefully we can extend this kind of care to our patients, too.

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Just wanted to add that as nurses, "personal discussions" are something you'll be having with patients (just not about yourself). Being able to discuss them is important and you can't shy away from it.

Also, the one poster did say "JK". For those of you who don't realize that means "just kidding". They probably just have a wierd sense of humor.

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Even the most wonderful of guys can be swayed if not taken care of and opportunity meets up.

Kind of an obnoxious statement. If you are with a man and you are afraid he is going to have sex with another woman if you don't "take care of him" then you are with the wrong man. I kind of feel bad for people who even think like that- they might have pretty unhappy relationships.

If you think Nursing School is rough on your sex life- have a couple kids.

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school is hard to deal with , i know from experience and its definetly hard on the sex life as well as any other part of life you may want to have. but to the girl who asked about he sex life , a word of advise, if you have concerns about not gettting any sex and concerns on the man side , talk to him about it. keep the communications line open cause believe , me it will shut down quicker than u think and u will lose out . also try to make "play dates" . schedule the time where you wait about 30 mins when he gets home and right before you study and that way you have the time to "play" before you get started and before he goes to bed. see if that works and let me know . but i agree with the other person kids can make a factor on it too. if you have kids put on a movie to keep them occupied and then get down to business with the MAN....

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Specializes in SICU.

Just some things to think about. What is his level of education? Are you about to have a higher level? How much does he make working from home? When you graduate, will you be making more?

For some men, not all, sex is wrapped up in feeling like a man. If he is feeling like he is about to be less of a man because of your education then that could be the stress he is under. Feelings of self worth do not have to be rational.

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Specializes in no specialty! (have to graduate first!).

Maybe it isn't the time you put into studying. If he says he is stressed and tired because of work maybe it is a worse problem than he is letting on. I would dig more into what's stressing him out so much at work. He may not be entirely opening up because he doesn't want to "get in the way" of your studying.

But if it is because of the time you spend studying, just remind him that it won't be forever. And as someone else mentioned, just make sure you're fulfilling his other needs AND he is fulfilling yours. You could also try having sex earlier in the night instead of when he is ready for bed and you could just study a bit later in the night.

Good luck!

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Specializes in Future Peds Nurse.
For some men, not all, sex is wrapped up in feeling like a man. If he is feeling like he is about to be less of a man because of your education then that could be the stress he is under. Feelings of self worth do not have to be rational.

That is a great point. My BF even though he is very modern about the working women and stuff like that, when he graduated college and wasn't able to find a job immediately while I was making a good amount as a nanny our sex life dwindled. He was stressed that I was uncomfortable with his ability to take care of me and be a man. After a long great conversation and some stroking of his ego, all was working in the bedroom. :wink2:

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Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.

Well this is where I say that sometimes I'm glad I'm in a semi-long distance relationship. My significant other of 4 years lives about 75 miles (1.5 hours in a car) away from me when I'm here at college. I see him about once a week or every other week if things are really hairy with our schedules. Because we make time for each other on the weekends, we also make time for the sex. It's also about prioritizing as well as time management. I know if he's coming over then I need to either get school work done before he comes over or after. He's also very understanding of me doing school work or studying when he's around because he knows how important school is for me. I make sure that we stay in touch and I let him know when I need space. I know this will change when we're living together, but I'll hopefully be out of undergrad by then and when I do go to grad school it will only be part time. Hope this helps. I think it may be useful to schedule things ahead of time so it's easier to look forward to and plan around. Good luck!

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