I'm 3 weeks away from ending my first semester at my nursing program and I am not looking forward to next semester. Things have not been going so great for me and I am starting to feel very stressed out and unhappy. I just feel like I'm stuck and I am not sure about what to do. As a teen, I've always wanted to go to med school, but that dream went away when I transferred to a 4 year university (bad grades). I decided PA or NP was the next step, but PA school required 2000 hours of experience and I had none. I decided to go for NP, but I have never wanted to be a nurse. I just felt like it wouldn't be something I would enjoy. I really needed the income though and it was a job in the medical field, so I thought it would work (it is very easy to get jobs in my area). I also thought that I could use the hours while working as nurse to go to PA school if I decided to pass on becoming a NP. Forwarding to now - every week, I keep thinking this isn't for me. I am always searching the internet for other educational options. I'm not failing my classes, but my grades are not amazing. I have very little motivation to study. I'm not crazy about the nursing program bc it can be very disorganized. I have been feeling very frustrated lately because our clinical instructor just told us she doesn't give out A's. I hate writing major care plans with a passion - nursing diagnosis's bore me. Adding more fuel to the fire (which also worsens how I feel and thus, makes me feel even more unmotivated), I am broke as heck. I pretty much have no support from my mom and older sister. My boyfriend who was helping me in the beginning is now unemployed. I don't qualify for aid and no loans are offered. I have applied for jobs and I have not been considered for any because of my schedule. I just heard that a nursing assistant job that is offered to students is not going to be offered this spring after-all (I have been waiting for this job for months now). My living situation sucks; I have no personal space and it can be impossible to study there (I usually take my stuff to my boyfriends home and it's annoying to take all my books). My whole family would freak out if I told them I was considering dropping the program. The only person I had mentioned this to is my boyfriend, and he thinks it's the worst idea ever. They all think it's a great, stable and awesome paying job and there are always openings in my area. I just don't know what I can do anymore.
I really hope this doesn't come off bad - I respect nurses and I think they are very intelligent and hard working people. I just feel like the job is not right for me.
Thanks for hearing me out. As always, feedback is great.