Selfish family?Student Mothers please read! - page 9

I recently helped my mother in law sign up for classes at our local JC. She is in her early 40's and has never been to college. She wants to become a nurse also. She is very smart (taking all honors... Read More

  1. by   bethin
    Quote from jov
    um.. not if you work 3-11 or 11-7 or weekends. which is why a lot of women with families go into nursing, for the flexible schedules.





    Of course it matters what mom thinks or wants. However, mom isn't revolving in a separate sphere in a separate galaxy (like a single woman with no kids). I'm just saying it probably isn't the wisest course of action to just up and quit The Mom Job because something new caught your fancy before your term of service was up...
    No one said she was up and quitting The Mom Job (isn't it more of a career?). She's not abandoning them. Lots of women go to ns and have kids and have a husband. They work through it.

    One could say that working 3-11 you wouldn't be able to put your kids to bed, if you worked 7-3 you probably wouldn't see your kids off to school, and if you did nights and had a pre schooler/toddler at home you'd be sooo sleepy and all the people that I know that work nights send their kids to the sitters for half the day. I did work with a mom at one time that worked nights and kept her 3 kids during the day but she stayed on the couch while the kids played. Not much interaction.

    So, as a parent you and your husband can never spend a night without the kids? Not once? Not even to have some uninterrupted fun to make another baby? When is the appropriate age to go away for a night? Is there an apropriate age? Is it ok to send the kids to grandma's so you and your husband can buy Christmas gifts?

    I think it's appropriate at this time to state that we agree to disagree.
  2. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from australianrn
    she has 3 year old twins and she wants to go to a 3rd world country ?
    [font="comic sans ms"]perhaps to get away from the 3 year old twins!
  3. by   WDWpixieRN
    Quote from ruby vee
    perhaps to get away from the 3 year old twins!
    :roll
    i think it actually sounds like she needs to get away from the rest of them!!
  4. by   middleageNP
    I'd say her family is a bit selfish... She has dedicated at least half her life to her family, and they can't spare a couple of years to support her? Who says having a family means you have to sacrifice your entire existence to them. So she has 3yr old twins.. She also has a husband, a lot of older children who can and should support their mother bettering herself. Her family is A LOT selfish.
  5. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from wdwpixie
    wow....my first thought was that if your husband is thinking this way, how's he going to feel/treat you when you start a family (assuming you haven't -- good luck with this)....this is kind of backwards thinking in my opinion....it is, after all, 2006, and plenty of women work/attend school/volunteer, etc. has anyone taken in to consideration what she wants?!?! if she's just given up her responsibilities at home and isn't doing anything, then there's maybe concern, but i bet she's still cooking, cleaning, shopping, coordinating, and supervising most goings on....and i say that because if she's managed to raise 13 kids, she's probably got a ton of these skills already....

    but the later post about the husband working and having kids take off his shoes has sent me right over the edge....good luck to her, and possibly to you, because this could be a big warning about future expectations from your hubby....
    [font="comic sans ms"]
    i'm thinking the mother-in-law may need an education so she can get a job and support her many children still living at home when she gets rid of this boob! there's something wrong about a man who lets his wife and kids do everything at home (including remove his shoes!) because "his job is to work". and good luck to the original poster unless her husband joins the 21st century!
  6. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from adnstudent2007
    i am sorry to say this, but the women in my class (with children) who have a supportive family have tended do well, the women from unsupportive families have either dropped out or had their marriages completely fall apart. i'm sure it's not nursing school that makes it fall apart, but rather adding considerable additional stress to an already tenuous situation.
    [font="comic sans ms"]a shakey marriage is a great reason to get an education so that you can support yourself and your children when and if your marriage ends. yes, school adds stress to a tenuous situation, but not going to school and getting divorced anyway makes an even worse situation. 60% of marriages end in divorce these days, so i doubt that nursing school is a harbringer of divorce. it also makes a great deal of sense to do what you need to do to create a secure future for yourself and your children whether or not your marriage ends.
  7. by   MBARNBSN
    Quote from bethin
    So, as a parent you and your husband can never spend a night without the kids? Not once? Not even to have some uninterrupted fun to make another baby? When is the appropriate age to go away for a night? Is there an apropriate age? Is it ok to send the kids to grandma's so you and your husband can buy Christmas gifts?

    I think it's appropriate at this time to state that we agree to disagree.
    You are doing the right think by conceding. Some people think becoming a Mom is a choice and therefore justified slavery.

    Understand that most American women do not sign up to hand over her life and identity to have kids. And why should they? American Men don't despite the fact that they play an active role in bringing children into the world. I also find it funny that people that equate motherhood to slavery also call men who work full-time and never see their kids as "excellent" Dads. The hypocrisy is never ending. Mom's like these work their way into an early grave. No one can help them out because that would be asking someone to "parent" their kids.

    Don't you know that Day Cares and Babysitters are evil because they are trying to "parent" kids? Never mind the fact that many of us grew up very well adjusted and loved despite attending had Day Cares, Preschools, and/or having baby sitters watch us to include family members and friends.

    I could go on discussing studies that show kids who attend Day Cares or have Baby Sitters do not grow up worse off then Stay-At-Home Mommy kids. However as I stated before, it is pointless to argue with people who parent through guilt, fear, and shame so they can convince themselves that they are good Moms.
  8. by   twotrees2
    Quote from MBA2BRN
    I could go on discussing studies that show kids who attend Day Cares or have Baby Sitters do not grow up worse off then Stay-At-Home Mommy kids. However as I stated before, it is pointless to argue with people who parent through guilt, fear, and shame so they can convince themselves that they are good Moms.
    my first 2 kids had daycare etc - these 2 had me home for 5 yrs- there are a lot of good thigs that are better with these 2 due to me being hiome howeveer - i will say - they lacked MUCh in the area of social actions- they never got out so when they got to school they did not know how to behave so they had tolearn social skills beyond home - which was hard on them -my first 2 had great socil skills but when it came to home we were ( are working on getting there now that they are older) not that close to me and dad - social influences were big with the first 2. i guess im saying there are pros and cons to both working and sahm but i dont believe either is better than the other. matter of fact if i had another kid- i think i would combone the 2 - work part time and sahm part time -
  9. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Some people think becoming a Mom is a choice and therefore justified slavery.
    How is becoming a mom not a choice though (rape/incest aside).?
  10. by   middleageNP
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    How is becoming a mom not a choice though (rape/incest aside).?
    Choosing to have a child is choosing to have a family, not choosing to be a slave. On that note, family supports one another.
  11. by   jov
    Quote from purplekath
    If she "just stops school and takes care of her family", what is she modelling? That if you are female, all hopes, dreams, ambition and passion end at the time you give birth to a baby?
    my point exactly. Who says all hopes, dreams, ambition and passion are tied up in going to nursing school? Who says hopes, dreams, ambition and passion don't ARRIVE at the time you give birth to a baby?
  12. by   Grammie1
    This woman deserves support, help, and a pat on the back. I am 56, mother of 4 grown children and a nursing student. I also work full time as a paramedic. My kids have been wonderful! My husband has learned to help. I wish I had done it sooner!
    One thing that is overlooked, often, is that while her hubby obviously supports them well, if anything happened to him that would stop. Life insurance only goes just so far, and social security benefits the children recieve stop as they reach age 18. She has a lot of life ahead, and she needs to be able to pick up a new role if required. She has a desire and the ability therefore she should go for it at what ever pace she wants. Those kids won't die from a mother seeking to improve herself. They will be inspired. Unless the grown children plan to support mom, they need to butt out.
  13. by   middleageNP
    Quote from jov
    my point exactly. Who says all hopes, dreams, ambition and passion are tied up in going to nursing school? Who says hopes, dreams, ambition and passion don't ARRIVE at the time you give birth to a baby?
    No one says ALL hopes and dreams, ambition and passion are all tied up to nursing. Obviously, having children is not just ONE dream this mother has...What's wrong with having hope(s), dream(s), ambition and passion in different packages?

    I'm 45, have two children and have been back at school for the last 1 1/2 years with another 3-4 years to go. My husband wasn't entirely keen with the idea initially but he didn't stop me. He realizes my being back in school helps secure our financial future. Especially if something happens to him....

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