Selfish family?Student Mothers please read! - page 3

I recently helped my mother in law sign up for classes at our local JC. She is in her early 40's and has never been to college. She wants to become a nurse also. She is very smart (taking all honors... Read More

  1. by   SchoolRN,BSN
    Quote from BSNtobe2009
    Why do people assume that because a mother is not there 24 hours a day she is neglecting her children? If that is the case, then I have sooooo lost the award for "Mother of the Year".

    A family is a team...whether the children like it or not. It teaches responsibility, it teaches them how to work together, and as my father always said (who came from a family of 8), "It's hard to be self-centered when you are in a large family and have responsibilities."

    She has teenagers still living at home that are more than capable of taking care of the twins, heating up a pre-cooked meal a couple of days a week. The kids not living at home really need to butt-out...they are way too young to understand that "MOM" sometimes needs to do things for herself and that doesn't go away when you have children.

    AMEN to that mother who has a TON on her plate and still taking on nursing school with GREAT SUCCESS! She should be an inspiration to every mother on this board....I have never met her and she is already an inspiration to me!
    I completely agree
  2. by   SchoolRN,BSN
    Quote from HeartsOpenWide
    His job is to work....he even makes the kids take his shoes off for him when he gets home.
    Holy cow! That's a bigger problem than nursing school.

    No wonder she wants a bit of independence. 13 kids & no help from hubby.

    I don't think so.

    If she can figure out a way to get him to be supportive, the kids will likely fall in line. If not, she will have a very hard time. Seems like she has some marital issues to resolve along with her studies. I wish her the best.
  3. by   nemo123
    A mother of 13 children.Wah,... I am wondering how come she had too much kids. Were that all unintentional? If she decided to choose school a couple years ago, why did she still have the last child that came up with a twins. Birth control is available averywhere nowaday, isn't it? For me, 2 kids are enough to handle. I love her because she is very studious, but I don't like her because she desn't fullfil the role of a mother(like your husband said). She should know better than me to explain to those adult children that she want a better life for her children when she become a nurse in the future, and they have to support her to invest for their future, not to invest for somebody else in the third world country. She should handle her business first before others.
  4. by   RNinJune2007
    Nemo, come on ! Reality check...

    It is not our job to question her and her husbands decision to have 13 kids (or for that matter, your decision to have "ONLY" two).

    That is done with! I am sure she does not regret any of it.

    It is sad you believe that her doing something for herself means that she is not "taking care of her own business" first.

    This mother has a lot of obstacles to overcome, but I've seen many moms do similar things (With many young children). It can be done.
  5. by   jov
    how come "doing something for herself" is going to school? How come "doing something for herself" is NOT raising a family?
  6. by   jov
    Quote from firstyearstudent
    I'm in school with a six year old and three year and they're both doing fine. The three year old absolutely loves his Montessori preschool and he gets more attention there then he would at home with me. The six year old would be in school anyway...
    well, then, that's good that your three year old is in a place where he gets more attention. Lord knows they need someone to take time with them.
    however in the OP situation's, it doesn't sound like the mom will be sending her three year olds to Montessori. In fact, it sounds like she is a home schooler.

    Not saying you can't go to nursing school with little kids. But would everyone who is such a proponent of The Family Doing Everything Together, like everyone helping out, working together, etc. please consider the idea of maybe this should be a family decision? And it sounds like this family is vetoing her idea.

    not saying that's good or bad. Just saying it sounds like that is where that family is at.
  7. by   ortess1971
    Quote from jov
    No, I am saying she should not go to nursing school because she has LITTLE kids. And yes, she can wait until she's almost 50 if that is better timing. If she didn't want to wait to go to nursing school, why did she have the twins 3 years ago?

    LOL 50 is not old, btw. Neither is "almost 50?!." If you read my post you would see I entered nursing school at 47. Would not trade nursing school for raising my kids, no way, no how. JMO
    IMHO, this is why so many kids are spoiled rotten these days. Everything is "child centered". What I mean by that is children are too sheltered-it's all about their wants and needs. Nothing wrong with an older sibling helping take care of the little ones-I did it and am very close to my family. It gave me a sense of responsibility that has served me well. I think the older kids need a reality check and a boot in the fanny, quite honestly. I too, think she should stick with it and tell her selfish family to suck it up.:roll Doing a load of laundry or cooking dinner here and there won't kill anybody and the little kids will adapt as well. I'd rather have a mom who was happy and fulfilled rather than one who wonders what could have been. And as far as the "choosing" to have kids, everyone knows that sometimes, despite any precautions etc, babies come anyway. Some couples are just very prolific. Having kids doesn't mean you're dead and that you should shove your dreams to the side. I mean, we're talking about nursing school-she's not leaving the family to go overseas or anything. How much sacrificing is hubby doing? I would guess very little.
  8. by   WDWpixieRN
    As usual, I'm not sure there's enough information from the post to make a lot of sound judgments about this family's situation...perhaps this woman didn't necessarily WANT 13 kids, after all, it sounds like the husband is a bit of a control freak if his contribution is to work and then come home and have the KIDS remove his shoes -- yeee gawds, what century is this anyway?!?!

    Maybe this is this woman's way of breaking free, slowly but surely....maybe she's just looking ahead and knowing that her nest will be empty soon enough and she wants to be prepared....maybe Mr. Take My Shoes Off for Me doesn't give her money enough to do some of the things she wants to do and she's finally gotten sick of it....hard to know all the ins and outs, but I say if this is something she wants to do, she should do it, and I definitely don't think it sounds healthy for her own kids to question her doing something for herself whether it's taking a ceramics class or prereqs for nursing school....that makes them sound like a rather self-centered group, kind of like, er, maybe their father?!?!
  9. by   ortess1971
    Quote from jov
    well, then, that's good that your three year old is in a place where he gets more attention. Lord knows they need someone to take time with them.
    however in the OP situation's, it doesn't sound like the mom will be sending her three year olds to Montessori. In fact, it sounds like she is a home schooler.

    Not saying you can't go to nursing school with little kids. But would everyone who is such a proponent of The Family Doing Everything Together, like everyone helping out, working together, etc. please consider the idea of maybe this should be a family decision? And it sounds like this family is vetoing her idea.

    not saying that's good or bad. Just saying it sounds like that is where that family is at.
    Since when should children get a vote in the major decisions adults make? Kids should be able to make little decisions, like "what will I wear to school today?". As far as the big stuff goes, a family should not be a democracy. And the kids that are out of the house should keep their nose out of it. Sounds like the OP's husband is a big time mama's boy who sees his mom as a servant, at best.
  10. by   kukukajoo
    The reason (which is really nobodys business) for having 13 kids could very well be her religion. If you are not aware, the Catholic church still does not condone birth control in any way shape or form. That would mean timing the births as well.

    I think her going to Nursing school is doing for herself AND for her family in the long run.
  11. by   Balder_LPN
    Simple answer from me, if her husband and the kids (even the moved out ones) dont help they are being selfish!
  12. by   Miss Chybil RN
    Back in the day all those kids, grown and not, would be out hoeing a row at 0-dark-thirty every morning of the year - year after year, after year - just to keep the family afloat. Things are different now. People have choices. The slaves and sharecroppers have been freed - including mothers.

    Maybe, your husband might want to drop by and help his mother out sometime? It will be good for him, his brothers and sisters and his mom.
  13. by   Jolie
    Quote from kukukajoo
    The reason (which is really nobodys business) for having 13 kids could very well be her religion. If you are not aware, the Catholic church still does not condone birth control in any way shape or form. That would mean timing the births as well.
    Absolutely not true. While the Catholic Church does not sanction the use of "artificial means" of birth control, it actively TEACHES methods of natural family planning, which it stresses are useful for not only preventing, but planning pregnancy.

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