School and Marriage

smk1, LPN · Jun 19, 2004

you have to make time for your marriage, it is just absolutely a must! take 1 night a week even if it is just 2-3 hours and just the two of you do something together, this is not the time to talk about school or his work, talk about the two of you and your interests and dreams. enjoy each others company and romance each other. You may have to do most of the work at first. Call him sometimes during the day so he knows you are thinking of him and amke the most of your time together. Let him know how appreciative you are of his support while you are in school. Just try to make sure that you don't let your relationship fall to pieces while you are in school and the you graduate to find that you've gained a great career but may have lost a great marriage. Of course he has his part too! but you may have to make a bit of bigger effort right now.

blkdawn · Jun 21, 2004

you have to make time for your marriage, it is just absolutely a must! take 1 night a week even if it is just 2-3 hours and just the two of you do something together, this is not the time to talk about school or his work, talk about the two of you and your interests and dreams. enjoy each others company and romance each other. You may have to do most of the work at first. Call him sometimes during the day so he knows you are thinking of him and amke the most of your time together. Let him know how appreciative you are of his support while you are in school. Just try to make sure that you don't let your relationship fall to pieces while you are in school and the you graduate to find that you've gained a great career but may have lost a great marriage. Of course he has his part too! but you may have to make a bit of bigger effort right now.

I cannot agree with this post ENOUGH! I've been married just over 5 years now, but in the 7.5 years we've been together, I've been in school half the time and my hubby, the other half. The KEY for us has been making sure we spend time together at least once a week. And we're talking severe US time. We go out to dinner and see a movie in the same night. I make sure he's up to date in my life and I'm to date in his. Yes, there are some sacrifices that will need to be made for nursing school, but your marriage IS NOT ONE OF THEM!

...getting down from the soap box now.... :rotfl:

Dawn

mariedoreen · Jun 22, 2004

Well I don't have kids yet and we've only been married for just over two years...but I can still sorta relate. My hubby feels resentful that we are going to have to move out of our nice (expensive) apartment and into a little studio or something as soon as I enter the program full-time next fall. He gets sad when I am at school all night and come home too exhausted for...well, you know. Foolin' around. My libido since I entered school part time has done a spectacular nosedive. I think that's the worst part, because I work full time while taking 2-3 classes at night. I'm so tired and hubby feels neglected. We are also getting more independent of each other now, and that makes me upset. We used to hate being apart for even a few minutes if we didn't have to. Now I study in one room and he stays all night in the other room watching TV or playing on the computer. Our marriage is not in trouble by any stretch of the imagination, but I have to think of what I am working for in order not to get depressed about the changes we are going through.
You are doing a good thing and the means to an end are not always easy. {{{HUGGS}}} to you and hang in there.

Hang in there! This is going to be such a short chapter in your life and when you're done with school it will totally all be worth it. We had a young daughter when my husband was working so hard to build his career.. he was gone constantly, we had little time together, and it was very difficult... but it is necessary and someday life will be so much better for it. The changes you're talking about are temporary, you'll come back together again in the way that you're missing as soon as there is more time, do what you can for now and keep reminding each other that things will get better and all that you have to look forward to in just a short amount of time. Good luck to you!

NurseyBaby'05, BSN, RN · Jun 22, 2004

I have to admit that, for the most part, I have lucked out. The only resentment I have gotten is when things have been bad financially. This may also have had something to do with him being laid off three times in as many years.(Self-esteem. I think it's harder for guys to not be working than women.) The IT field and Pittsburgh are not meant to coexist. When things would come to a head I would ask him if he wanted me to quit and the answer was always no. Overall, I have to sing his praises on this one. We also talk about everything all the time. He really is my best friend. I don't go in too deep about school b/c there is a difference between sympathy and empathy. We don't get out too much due to financial constraints, but we may drive to the other side of the city to grab breakfast just to have the one on one time in the car (less distractions, I guess) Some of our best conversations/discussions have taken place on the road. If we have something important to talk about we take a ride to the store or somewhere. Each of us is the first person the other turns to and I think that is what has made it work so far no matter what has gone on. My parents (God rest their souls:saint: ) tried to work the same way. We kids knew who was numero uno in each other's eyes with them and it was good. It made them work as a team in everything they did and we knew it and were better for it.

Sorry to go nostalgic, but I miss them so much sometimes. :sniff: Especially now that I'm married, I realize how special a realtionship like that can be.