Quitting? Bummed out. :o

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Looks like I'm soon to be an ex-nursing student. :o

My husband and I have been hashing things out on the phone. He lives 2 hours away because of his job, and I and my two sons live in my hometown (near my parents and grandparents). My husband is depressed and financially strapped because of our situation, and is telling me that I either must move over there with him or we need to get a divorce.

Of course I've been in tears over the whole decision. Leaving the school I love, the classmates I've befriended, and the chance to graduate 1-2 years earlier to move cross-state and have to re-apply, etc?

I guess maybe it shouldn't be such a tough decision, but I'm really having a hard time with it.

This gripe may have no place on this public bulletin board, but I just needed to vent and couldn't seem to find a friend... Thanks for reading. :)

fnimat1

727 Posts

Manna,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. Are there any other alternatives for you and your dh. You've worked so hard to get where you are. Sending (((Positive Vibes))) your way.

Hugs,

Fatima

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

22 Articles; 9,987 Posts

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Oh, manna, I am so sorry........without knowing your circumstances, I have to question why the issue is so cut-and-dried for your husband.....doesn't he know that RNs make good money? And why is he threatening you with divorce if you don't give up YOUR dreams?

Just wondering...... :uhoh21:

manna, BSN, RN

2,038 Posts

Thanks so much guys.

I'm a little disappointed with my husband over this whole matter. I've made my share of sacrifices for him in the past, and now I feel like it should be my turn. I worked so hard to get everything lined up so I could quit my job and start nursing school this fall.... and here I am set to start tomorrow and he drops this bombshell on me.

True enough, he's been asking me to move over there for 8 months now, but he knows this is what I really want. I think he's a pretty emotionally fragile person in general, so he's not coping well with our separation at all (he only took this job about 9-10 months ago).

I've worked so hard to keep my marriage intact, and I honestly love the man... but I don't want to give up my dream. Sure, I could apply to the nursing program at the college over there - but forfeit my friends here, scholarships, and graduate 1-2 years later. Urgh.

Thanks for listening, you guys so totally rock! :chuckle

Altra, BSN, RN

6,255 Posts

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

Manna, so sorry you're going through this. Mjlrn brings up a good point - is there room for compromise so that you can stay in school, graduate sooner, and be on the road to significantly improving the financial situation? Especially if currently you have enough financial aid to cover school & living expenses, and have the support & help of family nearby.

Hope some solution is found - sending positive thoughts your way ...

manna, BSN, RN

2,038 Posts

Thanks again. That's what I was thinking - I actually do have 2 years left, but I can handle a short term sacrifice for a long term goal. Any of you who wouldn't be offended, I'd surely appreciate you sending any prayers or positive thoughts this way about this whole mess...

:)

lisamc1RN, LPN

943 Posts

Specializes in LTC/Behavioral/ Hospice.

Manna, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. Is there any way that your husband is just blowing off steam? Will he cool off and think better of it in a few days? I mean, this has been an arrangement you've had for a while, right? I hope you don't have to give up your place in school in order to keep your marriage intact. Huge (((Hugs))).

lisamc1RN, LPN

943 Posts

Specializes in LTC/Behavioral/ Hospice.

I was typing when you posted this. You answered my questions here. :) Many prayers coming your way!

Thanks so much guys.

I'm a little disappointed with my husband over this whole matter. I've made my share of sacrifices for him in the past, and now I feel like it should be my turn. I worked so hard to get everything lined up so I could quit my job and start nursing school this fall.... and here I am set to start tomorrow and he drops this bombshell on me.

True enough, he's been asking me to move over there for 8 months now, but he knows this is what I really want. I think he's a pretty emotionally fragile person in general, so he's not coping well with our separation at all (he only took this job about 9-10 months ago).

I've worked so hard to keep my marriage intact, and I honestly love the man... but I don't want to give up my dream. Sure, I could apply to the nursing program at the college over there - but forfeit my friends here, scholarships, and graduate 1-2 years later. Urgh.

Thanks for listening, you guys so totally rock! :chuckle

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

22 Articles; 9,987 Posts

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Thanks so much guys.

I'm a little disappointed with my husband over this whole matter. I've made my share of sacrifices for him in the past, and now I feel like it should be my turn. I worked so hard to get everything lined up so I could quit my job and start nursing school this fall.... and here I am set to start tomorrow and he drops this bombshell on me.

True enough, he's been asking me to move over there for 8 months now, but he knows this is what I really want. I think he's a pretty emotionally fragile person in general, so he's not coping well with our separation at all (he only took this job about 9-10 months ago).

I've worked so hard to keep my marriage intact, and I honestly love the man... but I don't want to give up my dream. Sure, I could apply to the nursing program at the college over there - but forfeit my friends here, scholarships, and graduate 1-2 years later. Urgh.

Thanks for listening, you guys so totally rock! :chuckle

Manna, I'm an old married woman, and I've been around the block a few times, so please understand that I want to help you.........but the timing of this 'bombshell', as you so rightly call it, is suspicious. Your husband is supposed to want the best for you as well as for himself, but it sounds to me like he is emotionally immature and self-centered. Since you've sacrificed in the past to help him, he should be willing to do the same for you......that's what marriage is all about, helping each other to be the best you can be and working together to achieve mutual goals.

I'm afraid that if you give up your dream to accomodate him, you WILL end up regretting it.....several years may go by, and you will still be struggling financially, and he will still be depressed and upset, and you'll both be older. You've got your children to think of as well; what will they learn from watching you knuckle under to this emotional blackmail?

I can't tell you what to do, of course, but take it from someone who's been through 24 years of marriage with its ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments: it's a two-way street. Unfortunately, your hubby's attitude seems to be "my way or the highway". :stone

manna, BSN, RN

2,038 Posts

I think you hit the nail on the head, Marla - thanks for your honest input. :)

To be completely honest, I'm probably a little too codependent, and he's a little too controlling. I'm just hoping that if I let the situation lie, it'll resolve itself.

Just got off the phone after another lengthy conversation with him and us both shedding lots of tears, I'm sure he misses his children terribly, but I also feel like he's using that as a pawn to play on my emotions. For now I think I'll complete my fall semester here, and at least check into transferring into the program at the uni there.

TexasPoodleMix

232 Posts

I am so sorry . I am sending good vibes your way ... just pray and do what you feel is right !

athena77

25 Posts

Your situation sounds vaguely familiar! My husband was in the army and he was stationed in Germany for 3 years. I moved overseas several months after having our baby. But toward the end of his tour I decided that I needed to come back to the states and finish school so that by the time he got out of the army I would almost be done. At first he was fine with this idea but then one day he layed the guilt trip on me. This was of course after I was already back in school and in florida! To this day he still makes me feel like I was such a horrible wife for doing doing that. My arguement has always been that I made HUGE sacrifices for him and now it is my turn. Things eventually worked themselves out but what I want to tell you is that your husband is entitled to his moments of loneliness and doubt about your arrangement....The difference is that the result should be him understanding that this may not be the perfect situation but an IMPORTANT one. Not everything in life is easy, most things that are worthwhile take some work to get. So my advice to you is to follow your heart and don't let him guilt trip you into quitting your dreams.... Always think to yourself that he could end up leaving me in the long run! And then where would I be?? It's terrible to have to think that way , but it's reality. I wish you good luck and if your husband truly cares about you and his family he will work thru it. GOOD LUCKCopy%20of%20wink.gif

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