Nursing student Statement/Essay

[selenmartin1]

Hello everyone ! I am currently in the process of submitting my nursing student statement. I would love some feedback from anyone out there that is willing to take the time to help me out. This is my first pick for nursing schools and I hope that with this statement I will be able to make it to the interview process. Thanks in advance !!!

Please answer the equivalent of a two or three page typed response :

1 Why are you choosing a career in nursing at this time?

[2 What talents and qualities do you posses to make you a strong candidate for this program?

[3 What are your short term, long term goals?

[4 Please discuss any educational challenges you might have encountered in the past.

[5 How have you planned financially and personally to be successful in the nursing program?

what I have so far....

1-When thinking of a career choice, psychologists often suggest revisiting the things that one took pleasure in as a child. Children indulge themselves in activities that bring them the greatest joy and gratification. As adults, we gravitate to stimulation and satisfaction- two components necessary to keep a successful career. Growing up in a Christian household of two daughters, being the eldest daughter, I have helped my mother in raising my younger sister and keeping the household in order. This, coupled with my personality, is why I feel so comfortable helping others, and can see no better goal in life than to become a nurse and make it a profession for life. My undeniable inclination lead me to the medical field where I applied myself and found endless stimulation and satisfaction. For me, nursing is not solely an opportunity for an upholding career, it is who I am; care giving has and always be my way of life.

2-Since finishing my medical assistant program eight years ago, I have been blessed to work in different medical specialties, always inspired by faith. It has always been important for me to identify my own self, my strengths, weaknesses, beliefs and passion so that I can better understand and treat my patients. With my medical assistant experience that I have gained thus far I will be able to bring these patient care skills to my role as a nurse. Unfortunately my current role as a medical assistant does not allow me to maximize patient care. Obtaining my nursing degree will allow me to consult, initiate patient care plans, practice independently and selflessly help others in need. I know what it takes to interact with family members by being empathetic to their loved ones during the time of need. Personally, having the chance to impact someone everyday is very fulfilling to me. The words I use, my caring touch, and my attitude can help another person heal and that is something I will remember all throughout my life. Their strength, faith and perseverance to overcome their sickness has enriched me with ability to be the best version of myself and the most loving nurse I am capable of being.

Nursing is a profession that allows you to see patients at their worst, all while helping them become their best. From my time as a volunteer, medical assistant to now applying to your nursing program, I have realized that a patient with high blood pressure to CHF is more than just their illness. - Not sure to include this …

3-With the knowledge I gain from the nursing program I plan on providing additional community care to the women and children in the LA area who are under, or not, medically insured. I was born and raised in LA long enough to know its rich and diverse culture and the struggles that comes along with it. As a long term long I will continue my studies for Nurse practitioner. This career will bring a beautiful union between my passion and devotion for nursing and the patience I have while helping others. Nursing symphonizes care giving and love in a way that uses my natural strengths while benefiting others.

4- Being able to manage my time in a structured way was a bit of a challenge for me being that I worked full time and I had my studies as well. I am fully aware that the MSMU nursing program will require all of my dedication and hard work. I have planned to attend MSMU full time, delegate and prioritize my tasks, and be efficient without the additional work stress. With my organized plan that I have set up for myself I will be able to have ample time dedicate to my studies and still be able to incorporate family time and church.

5-As a prospective nursing student my family is supporting my decision in pursuing my dream. I know I will be able to graduate with their support and become and outstanding nurse in my field. I am proud of what I have accomplished thus far and I am proud to join the Nursing Program at MSMU. I chose to apply here because I believe that this would significantly educate and prepare me for my future as a successful nurse. With passion of nursing as my greatest weapon, I hope to inspire my fellow classmates to believe and strive for greater. Together we will be unstoppable. (unstoppable is the moto for the school, thought id include it lol)

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

Read it out loud. There are a few grammatical errors. Anywhere you stumble on words, re-word that sentence.

Choose a different word than "symphonizes".

The content part is good, but tone down the "sunshine and rainbows" idealization of nursing. Nursing is not an easy profession. I admire your passion to help people, but you are over-romanticizing the profession. Just a few minor tweaks and you'll be ready to turn it in.

[AliNajaCat]

The words like "beautiful, passion, symphonizes (??), undeniable inclination, selfless ..." do you really talk like that? Bigger words do not make anybody sound smarter or more convincing. Please tone it down a lot. And nursing isn't all selflessness and caring and the like. No, it's not. Writing like this makes you sound as if you really don't know much about what you're getting into. Go back and cut at lwast one third of all the words here and see if it doesn't sound more professonal.

[selenmartin1]

Got it ! I will work on it a little more tonight. Thanks Missmollie :)

[twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN]

Please use paragraphs, it makes it easier to read as well as the other grammatical stuff the others said. Another point is to not use the bullet points. Try to enter all the information into one cohesive paper.