Nursing school entrance letter ! HELP

[angelinahawkins]

Please help - I need to submit a letter and would like feed back-

Thank you

My name is Angelina XXX. I'm an ambitious applicant with a dynamic past and a desire for a future career in nursing.

When I started college sixteen years ago, I was energetic and excited. I was an eager student, ready to explore the world. Not knowing hard times were on the horizon, repeated personal losses sent my young and innocent mind into a tail spin. My life was forever changed. I vividly remember sitting in my new therapist's office learning of the challenges that lay before me. There was only one solution in my mind and that was to overcome. My journey into the world of healing began. I learned that, with help I had more control over my life then I previously understood. I knew that to heal was going to take work and patience. I diligently dedicated the next sixteen years to managing, overcoming and creating a life that is reflective of who I am at the essence of the core of my being. A new understanding of human behavior, physiological development, and an holistic approach to living became my focus and pursuit.

With a vengeance, I set out to improve myself. Using various forms of therapy, my life began to grow and to change for the better.

Through my personal and professional experiences, I have developed compassion and sensitivity towards other people and to helping others. I have also gained knowledge and a growing interest and function of the human body I spend a lot of time contemplating the function of the human body. I am also intrigued by human behavior and the mind. I want to spend my life dedicated to the development of my understanding of these sciences to apply it to improving other's lives.

My first motivator is the desire to help others. First, I would have the opportunity to help others when they're most vulnerable. I realize that not all situations will be promising, but I believe that If had the opportunity to help some people, that would be enough satisfaction. Another reason I am choosing nursing at this time is because I have the support of my husband and family members that are practicing nurses I admire my family members that are nurses. I strongly believe that nursing is suited for individuals that are caring, sensitive, hard-working and research-oriented.

I'm choosing XXX because of its reputation and connection to one of the top hospitals in the city. In addition, it's a research school. The curriculum will challenge me to excel and compete with other nursing candidates at top ranked hospitals.

[ParkerBC,MSN,RN, PhD, RN]

Overall, the paper is good. Here are some notes:

1. You incorporated personal struggles. This demonstrates to the readers that you're human. You described a process used to overcome your obstacles. You also stated what you learned from the experience. This should be 1-2 paragraphs in length. It should not be the main focus of the paper.
   
2. Create a paragraph or two of why you want to be a nurse. What does nursing mean to you? You have incorporated some of this information throughout. Now is the time to organize your thoughts and to incorporate them into a single paragraph- not throughout the paper.
   
3. Discuss the preparations you have made to ensure your success. What will you do in emergent situations? In nursing school, there will not be much wiggle room” to miss class or clinical. So, having a plan in place to minimize potential interruptions is imperative. In other words, have a plan A, plan B, and a plan C. I have seen many good students fail nursing school because they lacked a plan for when kids became sick.
   
4. Other than reputation and potential job opportunities upon graduation, why do you want to attend this particular school? Does the school's curriculum include courses that you feel will better prepare you for a career in nursing that other schools do not offer -a separate Physical Assessment course for example? Does the school have high NCLEX pass rates? Is it accredited by a nursing program accreditation body?
   
5. There are several grammatical errors. Be certain to have someone proof read the paper. I see several subject and verb disagreements as well as pronoun disagreements. I like your word choices!
   
6. Finally, from all of the applications received, why are you the best candidate for admission? You can use this as your concluding paragraph- reiterating some points made earlier in the paper.
   

I hope you find this information helpful. Good luck to you!