Now what? Divorce after starting school.

  1. 1 I have a question and hope I can get some good feedback from this thread. Here's the deal-

    My husband (of almost 23 years) decided he thought it would be a good idea to divorce during my first semester of Nursing School. (Can you say sabotage?!?) It was 6 weeks into the Fall12 Semester- so he let me take out the student loans and all the financial aid and then dropped the bomb. I was not able to stay in the home or in school or even in the state. I moved from Georgia to Texas where I have family. I was able to medically withdraw since I was hospitalized. So I am in good standing at my school. I am a Phi Theta Kappa member. And had A's at the mid-term if this makes any difference. I can probably get recommendations from my Profs at school. Also, I have my A.S. Pre-Nursing.

    I guess my questions for you would be:

    * Financially it will be a struggle but am wondering if I should get my LVN/RN or go for my BSN. I hate to have to give up. I have worked so hard to make it where I was. It would be next fall I could get in to a BSN Program (UGH!!), and I could start earlier for a training program.
    * Also, the entrance testing and prerequisites are different in Texas- TEAS vs. HESI2 and most schools require Chemistry as well as Texas History which would set me back to.
    * I could always buckle down and go back to Georgia. I was happy with my school and loved living in Georgia, but I hate to move my kids again and don't want to be that close to my ex if I can avoid it. Also, my overhead is low in TX and I have more support here than I would have there.

    I just feel like my education and life is totally down the drain. I could really use some insight. I have a lot of choices to make and I keep running in circles. I am so frustrated! So if anyone can help me brainstorm through this I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
  2. Visit  lollylee1969 profile page

    About lollylee1969

    From 'Arlington, TX, US'; Joined Jun '11; Posts: 7; Likes: 2.

    13 Comments so far...

  3. Visit  Skips profile page
    0
    You should definitely call around at different nursing programs where you are in Texas. If you have support and family there, it is well worth it to be where you are. I hope everything is okay with you emotionally! Divorces are not easy. I'm so sorry. I hope you can make it okay in a great nursing school, whatever your choice is.
  4. Visit  Fiat40 profile page
    1
    I would go for a 2 year RN program, once you get that RN, you can work and make good money and work on your bachelor's online, that is what I hope to do!
    SarahIN likes this.
  5. Visit  Streamline2010 profile page
    0
    TX history sounds like a fantactic class to take online, so I'd try to knock that one out right away. Take the chemistry, and get it out of the way. It's not that hard, especially if you can get a chem-for-nurses class and not have to do the whole general chem and organic chem that's 3 or 4 semesters and is meant for chemistry majors.

    There was one person on here, she's in Wisconsin now, I believe, who CLEP'd out of a remarkable number of classes. You could try that. She registered for all the CLEP exams, took the exams, passed most, had to study chemistry and a couple others (or something) then repeated the CLEP test and passed. If there's a standatd texbook for TX history, you could always try to read through it & CLEP out, maybe.
  6. Visit  GrnTea profile page
    8
    Get the BSN now. Don't screw around with an associate's degree esp as you already have the prereqs all done. I was a single divorced mom and believe me, you want all the credentials you can get as soon as you can get them. You will NOT have time to get more classwork in while you are working as a new grad RN, honest. Do it now and be done with it. In a few years you'll be so grateful you did.

    TX history? Oh, hell, you can do that. Read the book. Chemistry, you'll have to take that anyway. You can do this. Congratulations on losing that guy-- you will be better off without him than with someone who didn't really want to see you succeed anyway. Go ahead and annoy him some more-- succeed, succeed, succeed. It'll be good for your kids to see you do it, too.
    x_factor, Kandy83, VICEDRN, and 5 others like this.
  7. Visit  CP2013 profile page
    0
    Quote from GrnTea
    Get the BSN now. Don't screw around with an associate's degree esp as you already have the prereqs all done.

    Congratulations on losing that guy-- you will be better off without him than with someone who didn't really want to see you succeed anyway. Go ahead and annoy him some more-- succeed, succeed, succeed. It'll be good for your kids to see you do it, too.
    Plus- a lot of hospitals in TX are looking for that BSN! And while in school NETWORK! It can be tough for new grads so be sure to treat every one you meet as a resource for networking.

    You have support from family in Texas, going back to GA would be too much stress for you and your kids. There is so much going on...focus on your life and your children and getting started in your BSN in TX. Also, some schools will offer a "transfer" if you received grades for your first semester. Look into it.

    Good luck in the beginning of your new life without that extra dead weight!
  8. Visit  lollylee1969 profile page
    0
    Thank you-
    Last edit by lollylee1969 on Dec 1, '12
  9. Visit  lollylee1969 profile page
    0
    Yes, he was DEAD WEIGHT! He has told me from the beginning that "I would just get my degree and leave him." I guess he made that a self-fulfilling prophesy. The Head of the Program told me when I left that "Nursing School was difficult with the best of support at home but near impossible without it." I hate that he did this. I saw him through his 6 years of school and he couldn't handle my having a life without him. It is awful and I wouldn't wish this on anyone... but I appreciate your words of encouragement. I need to focus on the next right thing...
  10. Visit  GrnTea profile page
    3
    Another thing you learn at AN-- you are not alone. When I got my MN so I could teach my ex-husband thought it was the stupidest thing in the world, next to, of course, being a mother and being a nurse in the first place. Well, that makes me 0 for three, huh? That's why he's an "ex."

    It is orders of magnitude easier to be a mother to just the schoolchildren you gave birth to (or adopted) than having also to be a mommy to someone with two-year-old tantrums who's bigger and stronger than you are. It was a challenging few years but the kids are all right (now one is a professor and the other an engineer)... and several years later when I wasn't even looking the kids and I ended up with a much better man who still tells me how wonderful I am every day. You can do this. You CAN do this. We've got your back.
    nguyency77, VICEDRN, and rubato like this.
  11. Visit  ProfRN4 profile page
    0
    Hi Lolly,

    It sounds like this was all for the best. But right ow, you probably feel like your world is falling apart. I've been there, done that, and am still alive and well to tell the tale.

    I can only speak for myself, but my divorce process was incredibly time consuming, financially and emotionally draining. I was in grad school at the time, and fortunately had very understanding professors. I needed to take 2 Incompletes (in separate semesters, again emphasizing the time it took for everything to be settled- child support, custody and actual divorce). I did have supportive family members (although none who have been through a divorce, nor through a graduate nursing program).

    My point is, you may have to take some time for yourself, if you have a lot of things to sort out. As a professor, I know the commitment you need to give to school- studying, clinicals, etc. there are only a certain # of excused absences you may be allotted, as well as a certain number of to,ex you may be able to repeat a course (even with a medically excused leave). You need to make sure all of your ducks are in a row. As a single parent, you need this career now ,ore than ever before. I understand that you want to get it done sooner rather than later. But you also want to do it right.

    As for him: so,e guys just can't handle having a successful wife. Not all...just some.
  12. Visit  lollylee1969 profile page
    0
    Yes, I do feel like my world is falling apart and I thought if I could just drown myself in studying I could forget about the pain. I know you are right. I need to work through the heartache and actually deal with this. This year is a wash as far as school goes. If I begin again next fall then I will only be one year behind my class and I will probably be much better off. I just feel like I am going to lose my mind. I was so busy with school and now I am so NOT. I have found a job working part-time but not in the medical field because I don't really have any training in that. All my schooling has been basic classics. I would like to work in a hospital but wouldn't know where to start. I have gone to the WorkForce Commission and maybe I can get my CNA- which would be quick. If anyone has any other ideas I would love to hear them...
  13. Visit  crittytn profile page
    0
    I just wanted to provide support. I don't really have any advice beyond what the others have posted. I went through my divorce this past year and will start nursing school in January! It's been quite a year and, yes, studying did help focus my frustration. But after this year, I feel like I'm ready for anything and I am SO, SO happy to be rid of him (well, mostly, we have kids together, so still have to deal somewhat). He would never have been supportive of me doing this and, in fact, did everything in the divorce proceedings to sabotage it and make his displeasure known. The juvenile part of me sticks my tongue out at him every time I think of him doing that and me getting into a program already. LOL

    Call around to the schools, meet with their advisors and develop your plan of attack. I personally think angling for your BSN is the way to go, but in order to get into school and get working, I would consider the associate programs too. My original plan was to apply to an accelerated BSN an hour-and-a-half away (a 12-month program), the BSN program near me (5 semesters) and the associates' program near me. I figured that was three chances I would have to get started in a program and be moving forward. I lucked out in that the BSN near me opened up a few spots for spring and I managed to get one. But I met with the advisor there and pushed through a lot of hurdles. It paid off! So, just hang in there, be pushy, gather all the information you can and make plans based on that.

    I wish you the best. It's a rough process, but once you're on the other side of it, all will be well. I'm glad you're with your family and have support there in Texas. I moved to be with my mom and I can tell you that truly having support from family is priceless.
  14. Visit  Crazed profile page
    0
    Quote from meghen
    I would go for a 2 year RN program, once you get that RN, you can work and make good money and work on your bachelor's online, that is what I hope to do!
    There is no such thing as a 2-year RN program as with pre-reqs they are usually four years.

    In any case stay where you are. Working and going to nursing school is difficult so if you can get into a BSN program focus on doing that and try to get an aide job in the meantime.


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