Here's my background: I'm 26, my first degree was psych, nursing would be my second BSN. I'm in my second semester, and I'm not sure it's for me.
I've never know what I wanted to do in life, which is why I didn't go to college right away. Tried some classes, thought I'd do pre-med cause science was interesting. I eventually transitioned into nursing, but didn't get in. I didn't know what to do, so my mom suggested I take psychology and be a counselor like her. I didn't have anything else going for me, so I figured why not. I graduated, started my MA in counseling, and applied at a school as a teacher. I really hated it, so I quit after a month. I didn't know what to do again, and my family was angry and disappointed in me. I heard from someone that what hindered me from getting in the nursing program was changed, so I applied and got in last sem. My family was happy with me again, but I think I made a mistake.
I'm tired of school, and just want to work already. I want to move away from my family and be happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. I'm depressed, anxious, and a wreck, and that was before nursing school.
I'm tired of studying, tired of getting in trouble from my preceptors. They tell me I always looked bored. I like the work, it's interesting, but I don't have any passion for it. My only passion in life is reading.
I want to quit nursing school, move away, and find a job. I want to be happy already, I want to live my life. It's not guaranteed that I'm going to be happy, but I don't know. Yet, I'm also scared that I might regret it if I quit. But everyday I'm crying because I'm not happy. When I try to broach it to my mom, she tells me to get over it. She doesn't like us being depressed. (I know 26 is an adult, but for my family and culture, age doesn't matter, parents are still parents).
I don't know anymore.
You need to get help. Please talk to a counselor.
Agreed. Please get some help, and take some time to decide what YOU want. Because ultimately- whose life is it?
I agree with the others. Some counseling may help you develop some boundaries between your family's expectations and your own desires. Sounds like you've been trying to please them and yourself, and not doing well with either one.
Some distance from your family (geographic or otherwise) might give you a chance to think for yourself without the agonizing and second-guessing. Nothing wrong with getting an entry-level job for awhile and just earning a paycheque; enjoy some of the simple things in life and let your next move present itself. Wishing you all the best.
Sounds like you are dealing with a lot. I think it is great that you can verbalize that you know what you are feeling is depression and anxiety, and not because you have done something wrong.
I agree with the others that you should find a therapist/counselor. if you don't want your family to know, check with your school and see what services they offer. Many schools offer free or reduced counseling services.
I hope you feel better soon. Depression and anxiety can be very hard, but it can and does get better.