Need To Vent...........

  1. 15552
    Last edit by futureRN09 on Jan 16, '07
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   SoulShine75
    Of course you should pursue what makes you happy no matter who or what. Based on my experience, nursing school is hard on those you love because you won't have as much time to devote to them as you'd like. When you start your program you won't be able to focus on anything but school really and if he isn't supportive of you then what? It sounds like this is his problem and not yours. If he truly cares about you he will support you in your dreams and won't hold you back for his own selfish reasons. You should never give up on your goals for someone else. In all reality you can only count on yourself in the end. I can only give you advice based on my experiences. Just follow your heart and it will lead you in the right direction. :spin:
  4. by   Lori RN_09_2b
    What a tough and frustrating position you're in! I have several things to say, and I haven't had much sleep so I'm hoping they come out making sense.

    First, always follow your dreams, no matter what. Sure, you could give up the nursing career and do something else, but that decision will come back to bite you in the butt. If nursing is what you REALLY want to do, then quitting because of someone else will lead to resentment and will eventually contribute to the end of your relationship. Then you have no guy and no career that you love.

    I can understand why your guy is upset--to him it's like a bad dream repeating itself. The thing he's forgetting is that YOU are not HER, and it may take a bit for him to realize that.

    My advice would be to stay the course for now, but be sure all the issues are settled before moving into a more permanent relationship. Never give up your dreams for someone else. And be patient with him--as long as he deseves it.

    Good luck to you guys.
  5. by   shippoRN
    Quote from SoulShine75
    Of course you should pursue what makes you happy no matter who or what. Based on my experience, nursing school is hard on those you love because you won't have as much time to devote to them as you'd like. When you start your program you won't be able to focus on anything but school really and if he isn't supportive of you then what? It sounds like this is his problem and not yours. If he truly cares about you he will support you in your dreams and won't hold you back for his own selfish reasons. You should never give up on your goals for someone else. In all reality you can only count on yourself in the end. I can only give you advice based on my experiences. Just follow your heart and it will lead you in the right direction. :spin:
    SoulShine: Well Said

    FutureRN09: Im not a relationship expert, but in addition to what SoulShine said, I would add that you are not his ex, you are you and its not fair to compair you to someone else he was with. Who knows what her personality was like in addition to the school stuff.
    Keep your chin up and follow you heart, everything will be ok, it will work out.
  6. by   GeminiTwinRN
    I'd also like to add in Dr. Phil style that :

    The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

    Most people are who they are, and can only change from within themselves. You have been in a relationship with him for a relatively short amount of time (what? six months or so?) while his last relationship was a 4 year one, complete with an engagement. Has your guy demonstrated support for your career? No.

    I'm sorry, but this guy doesn't sound like someone who will emotionally support you through this very difficult period in your life. Nursing school is tough, and even tougher when you are constantly struggling with your personal life. You need someone (if there is to be someone in your life) who will be there for you, and will 100% back you.

    Only you can determine whether or not it's worth it to go through school and all the dedication it will require in a relationship with this person.

    I encourage you to re-read what you posted here, and make an appropriate decision. If you decide to stay in this relationship, you guys really need to have a heart-to-heart, and he needs to put aside his past experience and understand that you and she are two different people entirely, who happen to have the same career interests.

    I wonder why he has been attracted to two people in this field. Does he need "caring" for? How is HE as a person.. what does HE do for a living? What was his family life like growing up? Was his mother a nurse?

    Just some food for thought.



    Happy New Year to you too!
  7. by   Megsd
    Honestly I think the two of you need to sit down and have a serious discussion about both of your expectations for your relationship and what will take place in it during the next few years while you are in school.

    Quote from futureRN09
    so basically from what he tells me he hated the whole experience of not being able to plan for two years and being stuck in a financial rut because she didnt work and he paid her bills. ( even if im barely getting by on my paycheck for my bills im gonna work.)so blah blah blah on with evils of the relationship.etc they split and it was over.
    I would be curious to know what exactly he wanted to plan in those two years. Vacations? A wedding? Buying a house? What *exactly* was it that he wanted to plan and couldn't due to his fiancee's schedule constraints? What is he planning to do in the next two years? How does he feel your schooling will restrict that? Can you make any adjustments to allow him to achieve his goals?

    As far as the bills go, I would be wary after 6 months in a relationship to let someone else be responsible for my bills. Do you think he thinks you will ask that of him? Are you planning to ask that of him (doesn't sound like it)? Does he know you plan to work while you're in school?

    Quote from futureRN09
    i just feel like with him i dont have any support and makes no sense including him in my discussions about my career( however he says he doesnt feel this way..... he behaves completely different)
    I think you need to let him know the type of support you will require and what it will entail for him. Obviously in his past relationship part of this support was financial. If that is not something you will need from him, let him know. If he understands what your hopes and expectations are, and he tells you what he is willing to provide for you, I think you will both have a better understanding of your relationship and if it should go forward.

    Quote from futureRN09
    sorry if i bored anyone i just really needed to vent. am i being crazy?? should i just ignore it and continue pursuing what makes me happy regardless of who or what???
    I think it would be devastating to give up your career goals just because you are dating someone who has already played the role of "nursing student's boyfriend." Again, I think you need to tell him straight what you need from him during this time in your life, and he needs to decide if that is something he is willing to provide you. Nursing school is stressful for the student AND the significant other and the relationship as a whole. Communication will help you decide if this is the right thing for both of you right now.

    Good luck in whatever you decide.
  8. by   Kymmi
    All the above advice was excellent and I also agree that you need to follow your dreams for you because in the end that is all that matters. I dont mean to sound selfish and imply my partners feelings dont count but they do however it is me that I must make happy before considering making anyone else happy.
    This example is alittle more personal and not along the lines of nursing but the bottom line is the same so here goes.
    I have been in a relationship for 5 years now and it started out as a friendship and grew from there. He was married for 28 years prior and she was unfaithful. In the beginning of our friendship he swore he'd never trust women and I could understand why however as time went on we grew closer however at times he'd pull back because he would relive the past and be afraid that I'd do what his ex did and he wasnt going thru that again. I finally told him that as long as he let his fears from the past come thru he was continuing to let his past misery control his future happiness. We broke up for awhile but he finally realized I was right and things are better than ever. The bottom line being your b/f might be feeling like he's reliving the past because of the situation however what you do and what he chooses to do in the future is what will determine the happiness.
  9. by   cherokeesummer
    Yes the above advice is excellent...

    as said many times, never give up your dreams for someone else...sometimes they get delayed but don't give up. (and I'm not saying delay either but I knwo sometimes they get delayed b/c of family issues).

    Do what you want and desire and if he feels the same for you as you him, he will support you (emotionally).
  10. by   JennyRN09
    Wow, knew I wasn't alone. Read my post that's a few before yours and you'll see what I mean. Don't let go of your dream for anyone! I wish you the best!
  11. by   futureRN09
    .....
    Last edit by futureRN09 on Mar 18, '07

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