My husband won't let me do bed baths

Nursing Students General Students

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I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath":madface: Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...

I'm confused about all the responses to this post. When did the OP say that her husband had a problem with her giving bed baths? From what I read of her posts, he had a problem with her possibly getting a bed bath from a male student. So when did he become an insecure sexist control freak who won't let her be a nurse? I tell my husband he can't do stuff all the time and he tells me as well. It's not a big deal. It's setting boundaries and understanding what the other is and is not comfortable with. It's marriage. My husband probably wouldn't be crazy about some guy giving me a bed bath either. He's protective of his wife and I would be more upset if it didn't bother him at all.

I was really surprised when I read through this post. It's mean! A nursing career really can put a strain on marriage, especially during nursing school. I don't think the best advice here is to tell him where to stick it. What needs to happen is some serious respectful communication about this profession and helping him be comfortable with his wife's new and unfamiliar life. And for this situation, what would it hurt to say, okay, I'll pair up with a girl since I can see this bothers you. Look at it from his perspective. I'd be confused and upset if my husband came home one day and said that the people in his office were going to strip down to shorts and a tank top and bathe each other, especially since I know that he's hot and some of the girls there are hot. This is not something that he should get used to. It's just weird.

Finally, someone else sees it this way! I still don't see the need for nude bed baths in school. It's not that hard to do and you can easily practice this at home. I would definately be miffed if I came to school one day and the teacher announced we would be performing real bed baths on each other. Sorry, but I am modest. NO ONE sees me underneath my underwear other than my hubby and my doc. And bathing a sick patient who can't do it him/herself is NOT the same as giving one to your very alert, healthy classmate.

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
Finally, someone else sees it this way! I still don't see the need for nude bed baths in school. It's not that hard to do and you can easily practice this at home. I would definately be miffed if I came to school one day and the teacher announced we would be performing real bed baths on each other. Sorry, but I am modest. NO ONE sees me underneath my underwear other than my hubby and my doc. And bathing a sick patient who can't do it him/herself is NOT the same as giving one to your very alert, healthy classmate.

No one is saying that there are NUDE bed bathes involved, and no one is seeing underneath underwear.

The bed bathes on classmates are clothed, presumably in shorts and a short sleeved shirt.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

A spouse can be caring without acting like a parent.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.

It sounds like he doesn't want you to be on the receiving end...so I don't think you doing a catheter is going to be an issue (just based on what you wrote). Honestly...don't you have dummies for these? I wouldn't be too keen on other students giving me a bed bath. I've had a bed bath in the past as a patient and I didn't like it then. It's really not a nice experience when you are a young adult and totally relying on others. I wouldn't want to do it. I'll do it on real people on the floor and I will do it on dummies...I will not have a REAL bed bath with fellow students. I will do it to them...I won't get in the bed for that again.

But is your husband bothered by something being done to you or the male aspect of nursing in general (you somebody having to touch men's privates)?

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
I tell my husband he can't do stuff all the time and he tells me as well. It's not a big deal. It's setting boundaries and understanding what the other is and is not comfortable with. It's marriage. My husband probably wouldn't be crazy about some guy giving me a bed bath either. He's protective of his wife and I would be more upset if it didn't bother him at all.

Lol, maybe I'm just lucky but neither my husband or myself "tell each other stuff we can't do all the time". Seriously though, being a nurse or nursing student is not the same as someone outside of the health care arena choosing to strip down to their underwear in front of collegues.

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Specializes in LTC, Hospice, Case Management.
Most of the naked parts I see belong in Ripley's believe it or not rather than Playgirl.:chair:

rofl - oh how true!

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.
Lol, maybe I'm just lucky but neither my husband or myself "tell each other stuff we can't do all the time".

Same here.

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My husband laughed at me when I told him we were doing bed baths on one another in lab. It's practice and allows you to feel partial empathy for the patient. It's not like the client, even being sick and incapacitated, does not have feelings and insecurities about the whole bed bath thing.

DH and I made jokes about the fact that, for our Diagnostic Reasoning/Physical Assessment class, we did breast and abdomen last week. It was sophomoric (of course :jester: ) but it stayed between us and I was able to get my nerves out and relax a bit before actually having to bare all for my lab partner...

Going into lab I felt a whole lot better (like the giggles were out or something!) and I was still nervous, but I just told myself that hey - I took SHOWERS with women I didn't know as well as I know my lab partner when I was in basic training in the Air Force....when we were behind the drapes on the exam table, I looked at her, said, "let's get this over with", and dropped my gown in the front. After the first five minutes, we went into this nurse-patient sort of mode, and it wasn't a big deal any more.

This guy needs a bit of adjustment somewhere. Well, maybe in several "wheres", actually....:madface:

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
This guy needs a bit of adjustment somewhere. Well, maybe in several "wheres", actually....:madface:

He doesn't want other students including men to do bed baths on his wife. What's the problem there? I won't allow it to happen to me. I will not undress for the other students and allow that to happen. There's no reason for it. It's one thing to have a medical professional do these things but having your fellow students who you have a personal relationship with is completely different. I don't see where he was against her doing this as a job but against her having it done by fellow students.

It's not unreasonable. When it comes to the bedbaths I am willing to have somebody pretend with a dry cloth the basics of what they would do. I have been a patient needing a bedbath and I hated it. It was a low point of my life. I will not have it done again for this reason.

I think it's a real shame that the difference can't be seen here. There is a huge difference between doing things and having things done as a medical professional or by a medical profession. It's completely different to have fellow students with whom you may have a personal relationship with touching private areas on your body.

I do not know the policy of my school yet but I will not do it and I'm pretty confindent that I won't have to do. If they want live people they need to hire models...that is the reasonable thing to do.

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We never had to do bed baths on other students...we never even had to practice bed baths, they sort of just said...go for it!

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Specializes in ER/Geriatrics.
Just curious........Have you mentioned to your DH the nurse's role when it comes to fecal impaction?

OK I know this statement was a bit of a reach....but do you guys really talk that much about what you do at work with your SO? Mine is not interested...we occassionaly have very general conversations but we have a life outside of work and there is no time to talk about these details to this length. Nor is there the desire.

Liz

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Specializes in Operating Room.

Wow....sorry you had this trouble.

I actually partnered with a female for bed baths, but for our assessment, I was with a male. We didn't do perineal care on each other, so it wasn't a big deal, and we had bathing suits on.

Big woop.....is my thought. So a student sees part of your usually exposed 'skin'. It's not like you are going behind the curtain and doing something that is unappropriate.

Maybe you shouldn't tell him that you never know if the female classmate is lusting after you more than the male classmate. Your male classmate may not be who he should be worrying about. :rotfl:

BTW, my hubby didn't have a problem with it. His remark was, "I guess you better work on your tan." :chuckle (....which I didn't do.) haha

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