My husband won't let me do bed baths - page 5

I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He... Read More

  1. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from Tweety
    I applaud you for being open-minded to male students. Things must have changed, because when I was in school the women bathed the women students and the guys bathed the guys.

    I think you are going to have to eventually have a "come to Jesus" talk that you will be providing intimate care to men, and that you will be seeing them naked and he will have to deal with it.
    He can't possibly be that naive.


    Good luck.
    Hmmm... I think I'd be more inclined to go with the ''what he doesn't know won't hurt him'' route and just keep my mouth shut. Go along to get along, as it were. Though, I must say, it does seem a bit unrealistic for him not to realize that you will be working with men once you're a nurse...
  2. by   sunbeach73
    Mercy, I suggested that before too! If someone is that controlling then don't tell them!
  3. by   BROOK9960
    Quote from HeartsOpenWide
    I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath" Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...
    Don't feel bad, my husband is the same way. I just told him he needs to get over it. It is a control thing. Our school did not do the girl to girl or guy to guy thing either, the reason is because you had better get over any shyness now. Just tell your husband that you are becoming a nurse, not a porno star and that he needs to get over it now, because there is a lot more to worry about than just seeing someone naked or giving them a sponge bath. Did you tell him about the back rubs too? :roll
  4. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Quote from mercyteapot
    Hmmm... I think I'd be more inclined to go with the ''what he doesn't know won't hurt him'' route and just keep my mouth shut. Go along to get along, as it were. Though, I must say, it does seem a bit unrealistic for him not to realize that you will be working with men once you're a nurse...
    My only arguement would be, at that rate, you'd never get to talk about your day, though.
  5. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Sweeping it under the rug is not the way to solve a problem.

    And i can't imagine that any husband who has a problem with bed baths, would be completely OK with their wife keeping it a secret from him. He finds out, he's probably going to feel betrayed, and the control issue would get worse because he would feel he now had reason to be suspicious.
  6. by   ICURNGUY
    As a male, and professional, if he has a problem you should discuss it and find out "why" he has a problem. We selected partners as well, and with the 4 guys in my class none practiced bedbaths on another. The main reason I think was to eliminate that uncomfortable feeling of performing that task on the oposite sex. We had rather get that out of the way while practicing, and as soon as possible. If your husband continues to have a problem then as the afore mentioned, don't tell, will be the approach to take. I personally don't understand and wouldn't have a problem with my wife performing those tasks since she would be doing them in the hospital as part of her "job".
  7. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    My only arguement would be, at that rate, you'd never get to talk about your day, though.
    I'm a bit jaded right at the moment, having endured some recent unpleasantness of my own.
  8. by   Princess74
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    Last edit by Princess74 on Sep 21, '06
  9. by   TallGirlAni
    Since you have already told your husband about this assignment, and he has told you what he feels about it, maybe you could switch with another to get assigned a female partner. Ask your instructor in private that this is your preference (religious or ethical issues). Does not seem too outrageous especially since you are getting the sponge bath by a male.

    That is, if you do not want to lie to your husband.

    Next, you may want to consider not lying, but not volunteering so much information to him about your schoolwork and hospital work in the future, since you already know where he stands.

    Unless you want to take a stand...

    I cannot tell you how many times I have had to hold a man's penis while he pees (could not move his arms), or have had to put a condom catheter on a patient, or have had to insert suppositories, foleys, cut away pubic hairs, sponge baths, etc. And I am a new grad!

    I, as we all, have had to do some pretty personal things, and flirting was far from my mind when I was doing them. The bottom line is that I am my patients' advocate and the buck stops with me. I will do everything I can for them and my ego and gross meter goes out the window when I begin my assignments on the floor.

    We can all state how horrible it is that your husband is acting so jealous, immature, etc, but the bottom line remains, he is what he is. Most likely will not change with your reasoning. So, now that you know where he stands, you can decide how to get your job done without too much of a hassle. This is very good practice. You will need this skill when you practice throughout your nursing career.
  10. by   Cosper123
    Marie LPN hit it spot on, sweeping it under the rug is no way to deal with a problem.

    You really seem to have a bigger problem than bed baths here. Considering the scope of care you will be giving, bed baths will be the least of your dominating husband's problems. If you are going to allow your husband to control you in such a manner, then perhaps you should consider a different profession. I am not saying this to be cruel, but you will need to take certain steps to get your husband on board to respect both your chosen path and you.

    Quite frankly my first thought here is that your husband is being severely immature. Then again, he could just be ignorant of what nursing care actually consists of. You should probably be very open about everything, including what is to come. Lies and deception as suggested by some people are not a solution...You either need to resolve the issues surrounding your chosen path, or resolve the issues that are clouding your relationship with your husband.

    I myself have strong opinions of what I expect of my wife and our relationship. However, you would never hear her say that I am not "letting" her do something.

    Best wishes to you and your husband, and I hope you guys can resolve this.
  11. by   kayjaylamb
    He has to know that your going to be taking care of male patients one day right? Perhaps he feels that your classmate is different than patients who come and go, as you certainly spend many hours in class, study groups etc. Iron it out now so you don't have to walk on eggshells for the rest of your career.
    One of my first clinical days, I had THREE penile implant patients that I had to change dressings on. You never know what you'll get in clincal!!!

    Good Luck
  12. by   Jules A
    Quote from Cosper123
    Marie LPN hit it spot on, sweeping it under the rug is no way to deal with a problem.

    You really seem to have a bigger problem than bed baths here. Considering the scope of care you will be giving, bed baths will be the least of your dominating husband's problems. If you are going to allow your husband to control you in such a manner, then perhaps you should consider a different profession. I am not saying this to be cruel, but you will need to take certain steps to get your husband on board to respect both your chosen path and you.

    Quite frankly my first thought here is that your husband is being severely immature. Then again, he could just be ignorant of what nursing care actually consists of. You should probably be very open about everything, including what is to come. Lies and deception as suggested by some people are not a solution...You either need to resolve the issues surrounding your chosen path, or resolve the issues that are clouding your relationship with your husband.

    I myself have strong opinions of what I expect of my wife and our relationship. However, you would never hear her say that I am not "letting" her do something.

    Best wishes to you and your husband, and I hope you guys can resolve this.
    Thank you for adding a man's perspective here. I agree that hiding things from my partner is not the way I choose to live my life. I have always believed that he should trust my judgement enough to know that I would never act inappropriately. Our expectations of each other include respect and trust.
  13. by   blueberry21
    Well, I wish my husband would tell ME that! Ha! Like I WANT to give bed baths!!!!

    Well, I wouldnt mind it if they were all cutie pies,--- but since that is not the case, maybe he can get a job making so much cash that you wont have to work and you could just shop all day long!!!!!




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