My husband won't let me do bed baths - page 3

I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He... Read More

  1. by   SimonJester
    Lets turn it around… If your husband came home and said, "… Oh honey I had to give my secretary a back rub today…" Would you not be peeved off?

    Ok perhaps backrub is a bad example….. I think that might be in our sexual harassment handbook...

    However I think castration is a little harsh…
  2. by   vamedic4
    I'm with Marielpn on this one. You do what you NEED to do, his opinion be damned...sounds as if he's a bit controlling, IMHO, he'll just hafta get over it.
  3. by   Corvette Guy
    Quote from StudentSpouse
    ...However, I think castration is a little harsh...
    Agreed!
  4. by   HeartsOpenWide
    Quote from Corvette Guy
    OMG, men are just awful, awful, awful, and this guy should be castrated.

    Give me a break, LOL. This husband is probably nothing more than an insecure, young, ignorant, jealous husband. He justs needs to be told the facts... its professional & nothing more & nothing less. Advising the OP via telling her how awful her husband must be for such a drastic statement is certainly not helping matters for her. She was asking for some constructive input, LOL.
    Thanks for your advise on my bed bath issue. You have the most constructive responses and a lot of them make sense. I mentioned this to another guy in class and he also mentioned DH sounded insecure. I think he can change. Until a few years ago he did not even want me to go to school. He wanted me to have a desk job until we decided to have kids. He grew up with his mom always at home who never had a job (other than being a mom) He is the second of 13 if that gives you a picture. I am an only child and come from a family of college graduates (at least on my mother's side...vetranarian, commissioner, pharmacist, teacher, lobbyist, state senetor)....Its what I know and it is what I want. Sorry, I went on more than you wanted to know.
  5. by   CaseManager1947
    My favorite way of saying it is as follows: Put on your big boy briefs, and get on over it!
  6. by   Corvette Guy
    Quote from HeartsOpenWide
    Thanks for your advise on my bed bath issue. You have the most constructive responses and a lot of them make sense. I mentioned this to another guy in class and he also mentioned DH sounded insecure. I think he can change. Until a few years ago he did not even want me to go to school. He wanted me to have a desk job until we decided to have kids. He grew up with his mom always at home who never had a job (other than being a mom) He is the second of 13 if that gives you a picture. I am an only child and come from a family of college graduates (at least on my mother's side...vetranarian, commissioner, pharmacist, teacher, lobbyist, state senetor)....Its what I know and it is what I want. Sorry, I went on more than you wanted to know.
    No, actually your post brings more light to the end of the tunnel. I think ya'll will be just fine with a nice sit down conversation and give him a little time to come to his 21st Century senses.

    BTW, my pleasure to help.
  7. by   caroladybelle
    Quote from StudentSpouse
    Lets turn it around... If your husband came home and said, "... Oh honey I had to give my secretary a back rub today..." Would you not be peeved off?
    If his career was in massage therapy or daily back rubs for the job were required as a function of the job.... no problem. If he was a lawyer or a CPA, there might be an issue. But then my SOs and those they work with, I trust....or they would not be my SO. So even then, probably no issue

    You see, bed baths are an expected and required part of a nurse's job. You cannot expect your spouse to go to nursing school and to never have to bath someone. Back rubs for your secretary are not a necessary and required for her to do her work, and most places not a required part of the job.
  8. by   RebeccaJeanRN
    Kind of off-topic, but I still wonder why the nursing school does it like this. Ours did it too, and we were just embarrassed to be in shorts and washing each other's cellulite. But seriously, I wondered why we couldn't have just done mannekins? If it was to have real person practice, then without doing the really embarrassing parts (which we didn't- thankfully!!), what new thing did anyone learn? Who on earth hasn't washed someone's back or helped a grandma put cream on her legs, or some such other related experience? What the heck did we learn from each other in shorts that we couldn't have learned on a mannekin? Seemed a silly exercise to me and about as fun and arousing as receiving an enema...but back to husband issue...best that you help him get a better idea of what nursing is all about-SOON. You won't want to be having these kinds of battles over every new skill or real life experience in nursing clinicals!
  9. by   Princess74
    Quote from RebeccaJeanRN
    Kind of off-topic, but I still wonder why the nursing school does it like this. Ours did it too, and we were just embarrassed to be in shorts and washing each other's cellulite. But seriously, I wondered why we couldn't have just done mannekins? If it was to have real person practice, then without doing the really embarrassing parts (which we didn't- thankfully!!), what new thing did anyone learn? Who on earth hasn't washed someone's back or helped a grandma put cream on her legs, or some such other related experience? What the heck did we learn from each other in shorts that we couldn't have learned on a mannekin? Seemed a silly exercise to me and about as fun and arousing as receiving an enema...but back to husband issue...best that you help him get a better idea of what nursing is all about-SOON. You won't want to be having these kinds of battles over every new skill or real life experience in nursing clinicals!
    I think that one reason is so that we will be more aware of whats it's like to be on the side. (of the patient)
    We will be doing bed baths as well as several other procedures on each other. I might have a different opinion once I actually have to do them on classmates but as of right now I think that it is better to practice on a real person than on a mannequin. It makes it much more real, we need to be comfortable touching other people, it's all part of the job. Just my 2 cents!

    As for my SO telling me I'm not allowed to do something, I would tell him that he must have lost his mind. I'm not his property. Actually I would probably tell him if he didn't want me to wash my male classmates then he could come in and let the me and the whole class practice on him. Maybe then he would realise how embarrassed he would be and that there is nothing sexual about it. Thankfully my boyfriend is my biggest cheerleader (actually I think it's a tie with my mom) he is such a big support and he is so proud of me whenever I accomplish something or pass another test. I'm really lucky!!
    Last edit by Princess74 on Sep 20, '06
  10. by   SimonJester
    Quote from caroladybelle
    Back rubs for your secretary are not a necessary and required for her to do her work, and most places not a required part of the job.
    They arn't... ohhh man have I been conned... Just kinning

    My wife got to experience bed bath day one of her clinical... Twice... From what she described it was NOT sexy... Luckily for us her white uniform stayed clean...
  11. by   soko2002
    This post really hits home for me. My ex-dh use to say that I was not allowed to have a male doctor. I bent over backwards to makes sure I had all female physicians. I even asked him what he would do if I was in an accident and in the hospital. His answer was that he would know if it was a life threatning emergency and he might allow one but if he felt it was not a life threat then he would not allow it. I did have to go to the ER once due to complications with a pregnancy once. It was a male doc and they wanted to do a pelvic. EXdh told me when he left absolutely not it was not necessary. I was crushed after that event. Later, I got tired of it and allowed a male doctor to perform an pelvic exam on me. Exdh stopped having sex with me. He told me it ruined him. That lasted 2 years.

    Needless to say, I left him. He would not change and his insecurity and controlling nature would not stop. At one point exdh talked about going out and killing the doctor. He thought for sure this man was having dreams about me. Once we got divorced and I started dating again I learned that I would not allow a man to give me permission for anything. I have a very difficult time going to male doctors to this day. It is very traumatic for me. The irony of it all is that I am now getting married to a wonderful man that is not insecure and does not want to control me. He also happens to be a male doctor. Since fiancee is in the military once we get married I will receive my medical care through the army. I am scared to death. I will not have a choice of doctor. Exdh constant tormenting is still in my head. The hardest part is that the doctors will be people I know. It's a new thing for me but fiancee is very supportive and promises to be there for me if I need him.

    I know that my exdh was on the extreme side, but I just wanted you to be aware of how out of hand it can get. Make sure you don't let it get there. If your dh loves you he will work through this insecurity with you and be willing to talk about how you can help him be more accepting. I don't think that it is right to not do it b/c he says so. Good luck, and I hope you can work it out.
  12. by   Princess74
    Quote from soko2002
    This post really hits home for me. My ex-dh use to say that I was not allowed to have a male doctor. I bent over backwards to makes sure I had all female physicians. I even asked him what he would do if I was in an accident and in the hospital. His answer was that he would know if it was a life threatning emergency and he might allow one but if he felt it was not a life threat then he would not allow it. I did have to go to the ER once due to complications with a pregnancy once. It was a male doc and they wanted to do a pelvic. EXdh told me when he left absolutely not it was not necessary. I was crushed after that event. Later, I got tired of it and allowed a male doctor to perform an pelvic exam on me. Exdh stopped having sex with me. He told me it ruined him. That lasted 2 years.

    Needless to say, I left him. He would not change and his insecurity and controlling nature would not stop. At one point exdh talked about going out and killing the doctor. He thought for sure this man was having dreams about me. Once we got divorced and I started dating again I learned that I would not allow a man to give me permission for anything. I have a very difficult time going to male doctors to this day. It is very traumatic for me. The irony of it all is that I am now getting married to a wonderful man that is not insecure and does not want to control me. He also happens to be a male doctor. Since fiancee is in the military once we get married I will receive my medical care through the army. I am scared to death. I will not have a choice of doctor. Exdh constant tormenting is still in my head. The hardest part is that the doctors will be people I know. It's a new thing for me but fiancee is very supportive and promises to be there for me if I need him.

    I know that my exdh was on the extreme side, but I just wanted you to be aware of how out of hand it can get. Make sure you don't let it get there. If your dh loves you he will work through this insecurity with you and be willing to talk about how you can help him be more accepting. I don't think that it is right to not do it b/c he says so. Good luck, and I hope you can work it out.
    My Ex husband said that he would not allow me to see a male GYN Dr. Just one more reason why he is my Ex.
  13. by   bcskittlez
    Hearts, I'm going to give you a differnet perspective... I'm married and my husband says stuff like that too. We both think its funny and cute. And without saying it he is just say "I dont want you to leave me baby..." I totally understand that. I feel the same way too..We just love each other that dog on much..Making a husband an "ex" because he wants his wife is ummmm.... i dont know what to say about that... but try to see it from his perspective and put yourself in his place. Imagine the images that he is seeing right now.. some man rubbing his hands down your body... shorts or not.. thats a bad image for a husband.. now.. imagine someone rubbing there hands down your husbands body.. now.. how do you feel.. would it be wrong to voice your opinion about how you feel about another woman's hands on him in such a way. Even though we both know that it is not "glamorous" or its not the way it seems. Please know that you do need to try to soothe him the best way you can in the ways that only you know how to do. Taking on the attitude that "Im a nurse now I dont have to listen to you..." is the exact attitude that husbands are afraid of. Prove him wrong.

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