My husband is driving me crazy.....

  1. We got into an argument last night because of me being registered for A&P II for January. He thinks I should not take the course because I had such a tough time this fall. He thinks I should take math (which I do need).

    Then the truth comes out. He does not think I would be a good nurse. He thinks I could do the job well, but I guess he thinks I don't have the personality for it. I asked him what he thinks I would be good at, he says administration, I said "a secretary" which I did for over 13 years, he says "no, but in charge of an office".

    He says I never finish anything, I am getting too old to keep changing my mind and at my age I should know exactly what I want and go for it. (I am 40) I am still taking courses that are required for any degree (ethics, humanitites etc) and he thinks I should be done with those my now.

    I cried so much last night and asked him "do you think I am not a good mother". I mean if I can't be a good nurse, maybe I can't be a good mom. (I know that I am and he said I am a great mother)

    I plan to shadow a nurse in February and also am joining a group through my church where we will go to nursing homes. I figured doing these two things would help give me the reassurance needed to pursue the nursing field. I told him this also.

    I have also been considering going into Social Work if I decide against the nursing, but now I wonder if I could do that either.

    Since classes start in a week, I might go ahead and take the math and see what happens and take A&PII in the summer.

    Sorry for the long post, just needed to unload. Thanks for reading.
    •  
  2. 30 Comments

  3. by   canoehead
    Who the heck does he think he is??? He is not in charge of who can and who can't do things, you are perfectly capable if you decide to do something to put your mind to it and just do it.

    Vegas, hold my purse...

    If you trained him from being a rutting Neanderthal I'm pretty sure you can do nursing school. It won't be easy, but you'll do it. And if he doesn't want to support you- well, he'll learn to do his own laundry and cook his own meals. I'm sorry, he should be behind you on this, and I am pissed.
  4. by   2banurse
    Debi, why are you letting him undermine you!!!! I get so frustrated when I hear that.

    First, I think you should proceed with the A&P 2:
    1. You are already in the mode of studying A&P.
    2. In the summer it isn't going to be any less difficult, maybe more because usually summers are a lot more intense.

    I know where you are coming from, I'm 38 and also pursuing nursing. I've worked as a med sec for over 10 years and though I've had some good experiences, nursing has always been something I needed to pursue. I don't want to cause strife in your marriage, but I would suggest just smiling when he gives unasked advice and go ahead with your plans. Some people won't believe it until they see it and if nursing is really what YOU want to do, don't let anyone push you to do something else. I mean, in ten years or so, who will be the one to look back and regret that they didn't take the chance...it'll be you.

    Of course, as I am not married, I am sure that there is a lot that I don't understand. I just have a hard time with anyone dictating what I should or shouldn't do.

    So do what is good for you...

    My best wishes!
    Kris

    Go! Canoehead!!! I just saw your post!!!
  5. by   BellaTerra2002
    Debi, insecure husbands -- and even secure husbands -- can be threatened by any change. But, IMHO, and after two marriages, there appears that there is more to this disagreement besides just your schooling. You two need some counseling.

    I just left a man who I went with for a year who let me know in subtle (?) ways that he was 'better' than I was because of his job/position and his life experiences. I didn't realize what a job he'd been trying to do on my self esteem until after we broke up.

    I am HARDLY suggesting you two break up. Not at all! I'm just telling you that you need to realize that you need not define yourself by what he says about you. Besides, sometimes the other person is too close to us to see us as we really are.

    And when a husband doesn't support his wife -- there's something else going on underneath besides what appears to be going on on the surface.
  6. by   Sleepyeyes
    I PMd you because my post got so long...sorry about that.

    But the long and the short of it is: you must believe in yourself in order to be a nurse.

    It's nice to have hubs back you up, but we don't all get that. Try to negotiate an agreement; let him know how important this is to you.
  7. by   Sleepyeyes
    PS..... What he doesn't know, and you will soon learn, is that RN's ARE MANAGERS.

    once again, the public perception of nurses is a lil bit off the mark
  8. by   Mkue
    Don't let him put you down !
  9. by   Robin61970
    Believe in yourself and know that if you need support....we are here!
  10. by   luluann
    Deb....have you gotten CNA training or anything? This is what really 'cinched' it for me. I was unsure about my decision until I actually started working with real patients and now I KNOW that I can do it and will be good at it.

    My husband is not the most supportive person I know, he only sees the additional financial burden it places on him while I am in school fulltime. But, he knows that this is what I really want to do and he feels that by working hard that is his way of supporting me. It has caused some hard feelings to a point, he isn't a talker and so he tends to let his feelings out in other ways which can be frustrating for both of us. But we have managed to muddle through and it really only makes us stronger in the long run.

    Good luck and keep us posted!

    Lisa
  11. by   Loubell RN 2B
    My husband is supportive of me going back to school to be a nurse but he is not the greatest when it comes to taking care of the little ones needs... like diapers, runny noses, baths, etc. You get my drift. Well I have decided.. the he** with it, I am going to concentrate on me because I am worth it. He will have to learn to take care of the boys and like it. I have done it for all these years.

    If you can not find your support at home, I am sure that you can find it in other places like this site.. Just believe in yourself and you can make anything happen. You are never too old to do what you feel is your true calling. You are only in this life one time and that is all you get to make something happen... Keep your eye on your goal and move forward...

    Lynda
  12. by   sunnygirl272
    ^5 bellaterra!!!
  13. by   TeresaRN2b
    Deb,

    Please don't let your husband discourage you. He will come around. I know mine when I said I was going back again at first rolled his eyes and that's all I could get from him. Now that he knows I am serious and that I really want this I have all his support. Use these feelings for your advantage and put them all towards that A&PII class! You can do this! And personality of a nurse that is just absurd! I have seen nurses with all different kinds of personalities. I think doing well in this class is just what you need to get your confidence back up. Take it, go right now and sign up for tutoring. If you hit a stumbling block in the course post on here and I am sure some of us will be able to help. Don't let anything hold you back if you want this!
  14. by   studentdeb
    Thanks everyone for your posts. I really appreciate it.

    The problem I have with my husband is when I first signed up for nursing, he was supportive (at least he said he was), but because of the A&P and the fact that I did not take the clinical portion of the problem, I was not learning what I needed to in the two nursing courses I had so I dropped them. I told him now was not the time and maybe I would go back later. Well he just assumes that I've completely decided to pursue something totally different.

    He says that I change my mind all the time and do not stick to anything. He is right to a point, I do have alot of trouble with decisions and have always been this way all my life and I do quit easily on some things. I tried to explain the reason I quit the nursing course is because I did not want to take the chance of failing. It's always better to drop. He doesn't understand this because things come very easy for him. He breezed through school.

    Anyway, he is a good husband overall and tries to stand by me most of the time. I think he doesn't like to have to worry about taking care of the kids mostly himself after working all day. When he went to school we didn't have kids until he was almost finished and then we just had one. I hate to say it, but sometimes men don't want to be the main caretaker.

    I'm still not sure what I will do with the course, I have a week to decide. Maybe he will come around and not give me such a hard time over it. Maybe I will take the math class instead for now and see what happens with the shadowing I plan to do.

    Thanks for reading and being so very supportive. I know many of you have been in my shoes and being that nursing school is so very difficult overall, it is a big step especially if there is not much support at home.

close