My confession

  1. I register for school on Wednesday. Today, while riding in the car on my way to the hairdresser my husband asked me a very good question.

    "Why do you need to get your hair done for registration?!" I said "Because I don't want my student ID photo to look bad." which is true. But then, I had to delve further into my own subconscious to see if there was more to the story. I mean, it's more than just a fourty dollar hair do. I have a brand new outfit I received for Mother's Day, that I saved for this day. And another new outfit for the first day of school.

    OMG! I am not in high school anymore. What the hell is my issue?!


    I'm scarred from the time spanning my middle and high school years. I grew up in a well-to-do neighborhood, went to a pretty decent suburban school. But, I'm black. I mean, there were plenty of black kids at school, but some were very mean, and judgemental (I wasn't "Black enough")...as were some of the richer whites. Not everyone, mind you. Just the ones with the BIGGEST voices. People spread raunchy rumors about me, people whom I believed to be my friends or associates were just as evil when my back was turned. My two best friends were white, and I got a LOT of flack for it. Even though my clothes came from the same stores as everyone else, my parents drove late model cars, I was a cheerleader, whatever... I was still persecuted. And I still hurt. I do not want this to turn into a racial debate by any means, as I love all people. I am just saying... I have a serious fear.

    That I am going to step foot into that large room with people whom I will be spending each day with for a year. And I fear I will be hated, and talked about, and have no friends. I also fear walking into that room and seeing the face of someone who caused me so much pain five years ago.

    And I don't really know if I can do this...
    Last edit by HisTreasure on Jun 7, '04
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  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   Energizer Bunny
    ABSOLUTELY you can! Because....you have us for one. And because you can be the bigger person! Are you in a town that is mostly white or is there a good mix? What is the likelihood that you would be alone or one of just a few of your own race? Do you think this would make a difference to you if you had more people of your own race there? How many people are in your class? Do you think there is a good possiblity you would run into some of those horrid people? Everyone changes with time too (well, most people do) so you never know what they might be like now. I wish you all the very best and KNOW you can do it!!!
  4. by   Tony35NYC
    Hello,

    This is college, not high school. What's even worse, this is nursing school---not regular college! As you will soon discover, there won't be enough time to get everything done once you start nursing school, and those students that you're already so afraid of will be in the same boat as you. Hair, makeup, and clothes will soon end up near the bottom of your list of priorities after you get into your program, and if you believe that everyone will be watching and criticizing the way you look because of that, you are mistaken.

    In my opinion, you would do well to let the racial thing go because you're only going to create issues for yourself and add stress to your life. Why set yourself up to start school with all this negative stuff? How about just seeing it for what it is--- an opportunity to learn and to meet new people. If you begin to judge and figure out the other students before you even meet them then, yes, maybe your experiences with them will not be good ones.

    Nursing school is not about the color of your skin or how good you look, its about learning the skills and making the grade... Even if some of those losers from your high school show up in your class, they won't get too far in nursing school if they spend all their time gossiping and spreading rumors.
  5. by   Nurse-o-Matic
    I have seen no indication of gossip, cliques, discrimination, etc. in my nursing curriculum. Other than an occasional snip when someone is overstressed, everyone is pleasant most of the time. College is way different than highschool...all those petty people either change quickly or drop out of college. You will meet many wonderful people who will support you and enjoy your company.
  6. by   hypnotic_nurse
    I finished in 2001 and I was much older than most of my class...but that didn't seem to matter; most people accepted me (you'll always have a person or two who's a personality clash).

    You'll spend a lot of time with these folks; everyone will be MUCH too busy to gossip, and no one will care what color you are. Remember, all these people want to help people, they're much nicer than anyone you encountered in high school.
  7. by   MrsCannibal
    I wish you luck and strength as you begin classes...don't let anyone else's immaturity and/or pettiness keep you from your goals. It sounds like you have gained insight and maturity into the issues from your school days, and hopefully anyone that you might meet from your past will also have grown up and moved on! Remember that people in college are many different ages, you will be meeting lots of people from different backgrounds, and studying too hard to pay much attention to what everyone else is saying or doing! My method of beating the 1st day butterflies is to just sit down next to someone, introduce myself, and start the small talk. You will find that most people are as nervous and uncertain as you, and appreciate a friendly overture!
  8. by   cherokeesummer
    Wishing you lots of good thoughts! I always have that fear because I'm overweight. We are a small class of only 11 but we all seemed to "mesh" well. Funny thing is I dn't think any of us pay attention to each others clothes, hair or anything. Although we do notice when someone changes their hair!

    We are all usually stressing! HUGS!
  9. by   GPatty
    Honey,
    You certainly can do this. Besides, who are you doing it for? For your old high school "chums"? No. You are doing it for yourself and no one should be able to take that away from you.
    C'mon Kiddo~ buck up and stop worrying so much! You are gonna be great!
  10. by   wonderbee
    Dear JulieLPN, please remember why you are doing this gig and don't loose sight of it. We all have our secret dreaded fears about nursing school and it's not uncommon to have second thought syndrome upon being accepted. I'm so glad you got in.
  11. by   GPatty
    Quote from RNKittyKat
    Dear JulieLPN, please remember why you are doing this gig and don't loose sight of it. We all have our secret dreaded fears about nursing school and it's not uncommon to have second thought syndrome upon being accepted. I'm so glad you got in.
    RNKittyKat,
    I'm glad you were thinking of me, but this post was for someone else. I KNOW why I am going to school and the only dreaded fear I have is not passing! LOL!
    No second thoughts here!
  12. by   rica75
    YOUR NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!! I went to Sabino H.S., also called Snabino, in the foothills of Tucson. Although I am not black, I understand the pressure of living up to others standards. If I wasn't wearing Guess or Esprit (am I dating myself?) it was a embarresment. But now we are all grown-up, and should only dress to impress OURSELVES. If it makes you feel good to dress a certain way or spend so much money on your hair, then do it. But in college, many of us are moms,and are too busy, and put our hair up in a bun as we run out of the house in our sweats. All I am saying, is don't feel pressured by other people's image of you, do what makes you happy and comfortable.
  13. by   wonderbee
    Too much night shift!! :imbar
  14. by   Truly_Blessed
    goodness, your life sounds just like mine. not black enough for my own people. to make it worse i am biracial...i had 2 strikes against me according to these kids. never understood it, never will. i just had to suck it up. i still from time to time have the fears you have...because even though we aren't in high school anymore, there are still those judgemental brothers and sisters....judging before they know you. like i said, i just have to put it aside and be the nice person i am, kill em with kindness...show them that i am just like them, have the same struggles, have the same fears. i remember reading your posts where you have been so pumped about school...what happened! girl...remember what it's all for. don't talk yourself out of nursing school. you are going to have an amazing support system at school, and you will have support here. you can do it! don't think, just do...you are about to talk yourself out of an amazing oppurtunity...don't go there. forget the jealous ones you knew in high school...they are in the past, and their ignorance has made you stronger, you know this. you're going to be just fine. my prayers are with you. i just want you to know that there are others that endured the same ridicule in school. i totally empathize with what you are saying.you are in no way alone, so trudge on. you will not regret it! be blessed.

    if ever, i mean ever you want to email me...my email is blackstar77@cableone.net
    Last edit by Truly_Blessed on Jun 8, '04

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