Thank you all so very much for your words of reassurance and encouragement. You all make fantastic points...I guess what terrified me was my classmate stating I placed other patients in danger and my instructor did say if I were an employee at this hospital, I could have been terminated. So the fear of losing my place in this program devoured me for days..worried if I truly do have the ability to work as a nurse in a hospital setting, I wish so fiercely to work in psychiatric nursing.
The fellow student does indeed have an overly concerning obsession with my every move and attempts to catch any potential lapse. She has attitude issues with most of our cohort and I have heard a great deal of her negativity and poor performance in lab from many others. So perhaps the opportunity to place herself above another is something that she thrives on, I'm not sure but intend to attempt to talk with her. I usually am no where near the passive type, just the thought of having any association with drama or confrontation worries me...I would never be able to handle losing this opportunity I have waited years and years for. The other girls in our group even approached her and asked why she behaved such a way with me, as everyone in the cohort knows how much I value this opportunity and will drive myself into the ground to accomplish.
Many of you touch in on the appearance of my anxiousness in my post, as many of my peers do in class and clinical as well. I am high strung, it is a family trait and one that I struggle with. I am trying to get a handle on it ASAP, I know it is not a quality I would want a nurse caring for me to have...and as a few of you point out..is truly infectious to those around me. My husband has tried to talk sense into me as well about relaxing, I take every little error and obsessive over it..which is unhealthy, I know. This is something I am actively working to manage.
I guess my fear stemmed from this blip with the gown, to the discrepancies in my time management and slight errors here and there in charting, which given that I have had only 4 clinical days...I know will not be perfect just yet. My fear is that I know that there is a point where an instructor feels that there is just too much for a student to be lacking in competence before they say, perhaps this is just not for you...so it is now to the point that I feel I can not have a single moment of falter in my performance as a student nurse or error from here on out in clinical..which is nerve-wracking. She is a fantastic instructor but certainly no nonsense. I do not want to teeter the line of passing to not passing by an accumulation of things..
I agree with the poster who mentions the 4.0 student doing well until transitioning into the clinical setting, then being a complete duck out of water. I feel among my entire clinical group, I am a crumbling mess who needs constant direction at clinical...which is a very difficult and unsettling position for me to be in, as I thrive in the classroom setting and every other en-devour I have set out prior to prenursing and nursing school.
Everyone keeps asking if my charting is done, if I need help, I have been told our instructor asks them to make sure I am on to my charting..I do not see the others requiring as much guidance or talking with our instructor so just assume I am the only one having problems. I know the other student made the exact same error with the gown but again, she did not report herself..despite reporting me promptly before I could even exit the room. And I know she has told the entire cohort, in addition to my group peers knowing. I now feel like I will be the talk of the entire cohort as the only student to do something stupid, which is difficult to walk into this upcoming week.
Well, it seems as though I have gone off again on a tangent of worry. I greatly appreciate everyone's advice and words of real life wisdom, I know I will find my way but the journey ahead truly feels arduous and insurmountable..I am sure some can mirror this state of apprehension and concern. I just wish there was a way to study clinical culture and logistics, though I know it is a real life, hands on experience. I am intending to seek CNA work this summer, if possible.
Thank you again everyone.
I will be sure to update the end of my rotation with a HOPEFULLY positive outcome.