Lousy mom vs dedicated student

VaKidPN · Mar 8, 2004

Your doing just fine..... Its a hard balance and one you wont think you won until you look back later on it. Its hard. It sucks. BUt its worth it....you hang in there.

Squeeta2 · Mar 8, 2004

I remember sitting at the dining room table with my boys doing my homework with them. I am a single mom with 3 boys. I went for my LPN first & then my RN. My house was always trashed. When football practice came I would sit with my books and study. Never missed a practice..BUT..I NEVER made a game :crying2: It conflicted with my work/school schedule. They hated that I was in school. On my RN graduation my oldest asked what are you going to school for next? I replied nothing I am done, he laughed & said Mom you are ALWAYS in school! I definitly got the lousy mom we never do anything anymore routine. Ignore it..focus on the positive role model that you are..education IS important, it should be your focus as it should be theirs.

I would ask my kids how they studied,how they would handle a certain problem, if they had any "tricks" to dealing with school. Didn't always use their answers but it made them feel involved.

I see the pride in their eyes now when they say their mom is a nurse. Don't give up..and yes...forget about the dust bunnies. They will still be there waiting more patiently than your kids...

Carolanne · Mar 8, 2004

I need to blow off a little steam and get some ideas about how to balance school and kids.
Facts -
I am in my 1st semester of school.

Don't be so hard on yourself! The key that jumps out at me is your 1st semester, so you're feeling the stress of all the newness of everything and it is an adjustment for the family as a unit. So let nature take its course, things will settle in. I'm 44 and have a 17yo and a 15yo, so I know where you're coming from with all this. As much as they may scream and kick, they should help out some with the things that need to be done around the house, not because you're now a student and need their help, but because they're old enough to share in some of the responsibility. Try not to overachieve and expect an immaculate house and home cooked meals on the table every night while you're in school, it's probably not going to happen. I know that we as women take pride in our surroundings and expect our home to be a certain way, especially after it's been that way for awhile, but I know that my own health and sanity comes before dust bunnies. And quality time w/ the family comes before it too - I know teens are tough sometimes, but rent some videos one night a week, order in some pizzas, play some card games. You don't have to go out anywhere fancy and spend tons of money. My kids love videos and pizza and being goofy w/ Mom once in a while. It will feel good for you too! Just remember, slow and easy wins the race! :)

jemommyRN · Mar 8, 2004

This Thread Was A Godsend. As I Am Sitting Here (single Mom Of 2 Yr. Old Starting Nursing School This Fall) Feeling Guilty That I Am Not And Won't Be Able To Spend A Lot Of Time With Her. My House Is A Mess. I Am Always Tired And It's Just Hard To Balance Everything. I Hope And Pray That I Can Get It Together. Glad To Know That There Are Others Out There Who Have Gotten Through It.

NCINDASUN · Mar 9, 2004

You all have been just great. I really needed the virtual hugs.

Spring break is just 2 days away and I think I'm going to make it. Thanks for the support.

RNSuzq1, RN · Mar 10, 2004

You all have been just great. I really needed the virtual hugs. Spring break is just 2 days away and I think I'm going to make it. Thanks for the support.

Hi NCINDASUN, I'm also 42 and in NC (but not in the SUN). I've been spending a lot of time studying for the entrance exam next week. We have 3 boys and the only place in the house there is peace and quiet is upstairs in my bedroom (behind a locked door). Never fails - as soon as I sneak away and open a book - one by one they knock on the door needing something or just to ask why the door is locked - :uhoh3: Mind you - if I wasn't trying to study - none of them would care where I was. This is just (one test) I'm so worried how it will be if I start school full-time in the Fall and have to study all the time - I'll definitely need a new hideout. I'm thinking maybe in the shed in the backyard - hang out with the rakes and lawn mower - they'd never think to look there.

Re: The housework problem. Our oldest is a college Freshman (he commutes) - I finally told him he needs to do his own laundry, even gave him his own laundry basket, introduced him to the washer and dryer. He's an Engineering Major and I mentioned how fascinating it would be to see how these 2 machines worked, ha, ha... 2 weeks after I gave him the basket I asked him what happened to it - he pointed behind his door - there was about 5' of dirty laundry with the poor basket buried underneath. Told him to either wash them or get used to wearing stinky clothes - he finally washed them.

Laundry is my biggest Pet-Peeve - I'd rather dig ditches. I hate jobs that are never really finished - with laundry there is never an end to it. Put clothes in the basket at night and mysteriously it multiplies while you're sleeping. My Mother In-Law (Martha Stewart) always makes me feel like a slob when she comes over and sees any clothes in the hamper. My Mom always told me not worry about "the mother in-law" or people like her - she said I have 3 boys that dirty a lot of clothes and I can only wash them so fast - she said trust me, we'll have a load of dirty clothes left when we're dead. Well, sadly my Mom passed away a couple of years ago. When I went back home for her funeral - in front of her washer there was a basket of Mom's clothes waiting to be done - she was so very right.....

guest22304 · Mar 10, 2004

Hey everybody.

Just wanted to say, my momma went back to RN school when I was 18 and she had recently remarried. I also had 2 younger sisters, all of us raising.....heck. She started going crazy b/c we were all brats, plus trying to keep a brand new marriage together. Basically we just dealt and she sat in her recliner for 2 years studying.

Guess what....Now I want to be a nurse! I am so proud of my momma for earning her RN degree, and my sisters are too. We have all turned out ok and are grateful for her.

My whole point....your kids will be proud of you and all these irritating things will pass. I remember when I had my son I thought, "My house will never be clean again!" But it was. About 2 years later. Now I can laugh about it.

You will do great!

Jabber964 · Mar 10, 2004

I just graduated from a 2 year program (took me 4 years) in January and waiting to hear from the results of the nclex I took on the 8th of March. I too had many days where I felt that I just couldn't keep up with the chaos. I have 4 children ranging in ages from 9 to 21. 3 of those children were in sports (sometimes on multiple teams at a time).

I finally bit the bullet and hired a maid in my final semester and I wished I had done it sooner! It strapped us but made all the difference in the world. My husband wasn't very supportive and the housework getting neglected would become a problem by the end of each semester. Every final exam prep time was hell in my house.

I also found a good friend in class that would spend the weekends prior to tests studying with me. When things got really hectic at home we would even go in on a hotel room for study weekends.

I know work at a local hospital here in the ICU and hope to find out that I passed the boards tomorrow. The waiting is killing me!

If I can do it anyone can....you only have to keep telling yourself that it is all worth it in the end and keep plugging. Unfortunately for now school HAS to be your priority - had to be for me or I would have never finished. I did try and make up for it when I was off in the summer or during winter break.

Keep plugging...you will get there!

Julie

Carolanne · Mar 10, 2004

Hi NCINDASUN, I'm also 42 and in NC (but not in the SUN). I've been spending a lot of time studying for the entrance exam next week. We have 3 boys and the only place in the house there is peace and quiet is upstairs in my bedroom (behind a locked door). Never fails - as soon as I sneak away and open a book - one by one they knock on the door needing something or just to ask why the door is locked - Mind you - if I wasn't trying to study - none of them would care where I was. This is just (one test) I'm so worried how it will be if I start school full-time in the Fall and have to study all the time - I'll definitely need a new hideout. I'm thinking maybe in the shed in the backyard - hang out with the rakes and lawn mower - they'd never think to look there.
Re: The housework problem. Our oldest is a college Freshman (he commutes) - I finally told him he needs to do his own laundry, even gave him his own laundry basket, introduced him to the washer and dryer. He's an Engineering Major and I mentioned how fascinating it would be to see how these 2 machines worked, ha, ha... 2 weeks after I gave him the basket I asked him what happened to it - he pointed behind his door - there was about 5' of dirty laundry with the poor basket buried underneath. Told him to either wash them or get used to wearing stinky clothes - he finally washed them.
Laundry is my biggest Pet-Peeve - I'd rather dig ditches. I hate jobs that are never really finished - with laundry there is never an end to it. Put clothes in the basket at night and mysteriously it multiplies while you're sleeping. My Mother In-Law (Martha Stewart) always makes me feel like a slob when she comes over and sees any clothes in the hamper. My Mom always told me not worry about "the mother in-law" or people like her - she said I have 3 boys that dirty a lot of clothes and I can only wash them so fast - she said trust me, we'll have a load of dirty clothes left when we're dead. Well, sadly my Mom passed away a couple of years ago. When I went back home for her funeral - in front of her washer there was a basket of Mom's clothes waiting to be done - she was so very right.....

Sue, your post about the laundry is a riot, and how very true!! I have two teens and it never ends. I think it's worse than when they were little. Also, my sympathies about your Mom, sounds like you have a lot of warm memories of her. My Mom was the same way too, funny and practical.