Life really sucks right now

  1. OK...here goes.

    I know everyone has heard this before, but it happened to me.

    My hubby left me saying he wasn't happy. He left on the 4th of May and my finals for that semester were on the 6th and 7th (I did manage to pass but it wasn't easy).

    We were married for almost 5 years and I took care of his kids (two boys now 16 and 18), doctors appointments, school, house, shopping and bills. I even got a job to help pay for things and then he does this.

    In a way it was a relief, but in a way it wasn't. I thought that I had finally met and married someone who would stand by me, be proud of me, and grow old with me and the BAMMM!!! He was gone.

    He's pissed because in this state he has to pay me alimony ($100.00 per week) until 6 months after I graduate.

    So here is my dilemma. I'm single again, have no life, am in school full time, work full time and he made sure that all of the people that I knew when we met are no longer around.

    I am determined to graduate in two years, but I need some kind of a life too. I'm asking for advice.

    This is my schedule-I'm in school Monday thru Thursday and work 12s Thursday thru Saturday....That leaves Sunday afternoon to do things and meet people.....not much going on on Sunday's around here.

    HELP!!! Tell me how to get a "life" at 46 years old!!!
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  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   live4today
    Snap out of the funk and get on with life! I've been there and done that with a man... Leave the drama behind you, don't let it rob you of your future, your energy, your spunk for living. Being single at 46 is NOT - I repeat NOT - a curse. You are at the prime of your life to do whatever your BIG sweet heart desires. Collect your $400/month in alimony and get your life on the roll. You may want to consider moving out of the same town as he, and start living single - not divorced. Send me a Private Message if you want to talk more about this subject. I know how you are feelin' and I don't mind being your swift kick in the azz when you need it. No need to feel guilty for anything. Don't spend another second being pizzed about why he did this or that, or what you put into the relationship. All that wasted energy should be put to better use. Close that chapter of your life, and move on. Sounds like you didn't have kids with that man...praise God for that! Now, it is on YOU to have the kind of life you want. If you get hungry for a man, Alaska has mega doses of testosterone around just waiting for some bride to choose them for their groom. :chuckle So, there's plenty of men to go around. Don't listen to statistics, make your own drama. Count your blessings! He could have stayed with you until you had given him ALL of your youth, but he spared you that, so thank him for leaving you when he did. Don't be afraid to move forward in your life. Start singing your own song of joy and make your own music that YOU alone can dance to while you build on your education, your nursing career, and get in touch with yourself again. :kiss and (((hugs)))
    Last edit by live4today on Jun 10, '02
  4. by   Sleepyeyes
    Well, around here, we have a big nondenominational church and there are lots of single get-togethers. That's what I'd do. You'd be surprised how supportive and helpful a church can be.

    Remember, no matter how expected it was, no matter how hopeless it was, you still need to grieve the loss of your marriage. I know--I've been there too.

    After raising 5 children alone for 5 years, I met the most wonderful man. So there's plenty of time for you to get back on track in that department. For now, just take it slow.... it'll work out. (((hugs)))
    Last edit by Sleepyeyes on Jun 10, '02
  5. by   babynursewannab
    That's what I was going to say.....CHURCH. No matter how "religious" you are, you can't find more friends or adopted family in one spot if you tried!

    And talk about givers!!!....
  6. by   l.rae
    l'm sorry for what you are going through....been there and done that too and the pendulum always swings.....things will get better.......l second the motion..CHURCH....lots of support and caring people.....try to find one with a support group for singles in your age group. l think you will be surprised how many are in similar situations. For those of us who made it thru it also, we are here cheering you on, keep your head up and your eyes ahead and you will make it through!...As for having a life.....it is real difficult while you are in school even in the best of circumstances.....but that is temporary too......keep us posted how you are doing.....feel free to pm me.......been thru a lot of crap myself......take care.........LR
  7. by   GPatty
    {{{HUGS!!!}}}:kiss
    I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. But think of it this way...what are you gonna do with your life when you graduate? And as far as friends go, there's plenty of places to meet people. I agree that church is the best option (what better friend than Christ?) Ask Him to help guide you though this...He will! And when you do, you'll be amazed at the support and love you can find from a good Christ centered church!
    In the meantime, I would be enjoying my peace and quiet, and bury myself in what ever I wanted to do at that particular moment! Enjoy yourself and enjoy life! You still have one, you know! And it doesn't have to be shared with someone that doesn't want to share back!

    I'm still at the same address if you want to talk....

    Love, Julie
  8. by   RNIAM
    I am so sorry your having to deal with this right now. Please hang in there. You never know what will be right around the corner.
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse


    with god, all things are possible. church, is the best place to find some assurance so you will again feel "whole". i know what it must feel like but there is a single reason why this is happening and you will look back and say, yes, i understand!

    when there are difficult times in our lives, god moves them in ways that is best for us.

    you are stronger than you think, some would have "folded" when it came to taking final, you withstood and look where you are now, in another semester.

    if i may be blunt, you need some "healing" time and not having a "social life" isn't the end of the world. loving you is what is important and you can "entertain" yourself too.

    look at this as another stepping stone to "vicotry". would you want some one with you who is not happy? i think not!

    you think he is pondering, i am almost certain he is not....so, lets not worry about yesterday for joy does comes in the "morning"!

    i too don't have a "husband" any more and you know what, my children and i are still being bless and we are smiling, even in the difficult times. i will not be sad about something i have not any control over. god knows best and i stand on the promises of god!
  10. by   CATHYW
    Everyone is right about getting yourself to church. It brings a wonderful peace to an otherwise disordered life. On Sunday afternoons, this is what I would do:
    Get the Sunday paper or a good book, and find a porch swing or a park and take your time reading. Listen to the sounds of nature. Open yourself up to the peace of hearing the birds twittering, the wind in the trees, etc. Take a walk, stopping to enjoy the things you see, such as a blackberry or blueberry bush, a bird's nest, the way the clouds are floating by, the way the air smells. Take long, deep breaths, and thank God that you are alive and well. Take yourself out to dinner, or to the grocery store to buy the "fixins" for one of your favorite dinners. Call or write a friend that you haven't been in touch with in ages. Take a long, hot, bubble bath, and maybe have a glass of wine. In other words, gently treat yourself well.
    DO NOT immediately be on the lookout for another man. Allow yourself time to be you again, and get in touch with who that person is, and what she wants.
    Take good care of yourself. We will be wishing you well!
  11. by   nightingale
    Have a great big "Pitty Party". Get it all out of your system. If needed, have one that is scheduled now and again.

    But.. do not.. do not sit around feeling sorry for yourself all the time. When you have those pitty thoughts get them out of your head with positive thoughts.

    Join.. join.. join... Church suggestions are excellent. Get involved with one that has activites that are geared to singles. Try the Y; there are many activites that will help get/keep you in shape that will keep those endorphines flowing and be lots of fun.. yes you might also meet fun people who are in the same boat.

    Take good care of yourself. Take time to smell the roses and maybe plant a few for tomorrow!

    B.
  12. by   colleen10
    Dear ESSARGE,

    I'm so sorry that you are where you are at right now. But, God works in mysterious ways and I hope that in the future you will see there is a reason that this has happened to you right now.

    You don't have to "go out" and search for a life. Look to yourself.

    Undoubtedly, you've been spending the last 5 years taking care of husband and sons and probably haven't had the time or energy to do the things that you have wanted to. Well, now's your chance. Do whatever you want to do. Haven't had time to read that good book? Do it now. Wanted to re-decorate the house? Do it now. Start doing the things that you were interested in or try things that you never had the time to before. You'll probably meet really nice people that share your same interests.

    Here's something that gets me through rough times.

    Life is like a wheel that keeps on turning. Sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. Just because you are down doesn't mean that you won't ever be up again.

    Best of Luck to you,
  13. by   essarge
    Thanks for all of the wonderful replies. It is greatly appreciated. Last night was one of my "pitty parties". I was angry, sad, and everything in between.

    He came over yesterday to drop off something and said that he's been seeing someone. When I asked when this started, he stated that it was after we split up. For some odd reason, I don't believe it, not that it makes any difference.

    The church thing sounds good but, I work a 12 on Saturday and then sleep pretty much all morning Sunday and then it's study time. Like I said.....no life.

    I guess that it will come when it's time though and in the mean time, I'll just hang in there. I do have August off so maybe I'll head to the beach for a weekend or just get out of town for a few days (best friend lives in Vermont).

    Again, thanks for the advice and caring. I've always been able to come to this site for support and it is greatly appreciated!!


    ((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))
  14. by   nursedawn67
    Just hang in there....you'll be surprised "your life" could just sneak up on you! Take care...Dawn

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