Is it really that far away?? VENT

  1. Call me excited, call me a planner...call me a Future Nurse

    I will not be entering my first nursing class until 2005 (hopefully!!!). But lately, it seems that hubby and his family get irritated when I start to talk about school. They keep telling me that it is still so far away so I should not be thinking about it yet

    I will be sending my application in December 2004, and I will probably know by March 2005. Is it really that far away that I should shut up about it??? (now, i talk about it a lot, but not all the time)

    It really bugs me that they are not excited for me and not supporting me more. I've got 4 classes on the go right now (bio, chem, math and med. term) and I am working my tooshie off to make excellent grades. I WANT this so much!! When I do well on a test, nobody says anything! Nobody cares but me

    Hubby is all for me going to school, he just doesnt want to hear about it until I am in the program.

    I just feel so down right now. This is so freaking important to me!
    I just had to let this out this morning. Thanks for listening
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   Jen2
    Hello!

    I know exactly how you feel. I start my ADN program on Sept. 2, and get no support from family at all. I have made so many sacrifices to get where I am right now and they don't understand. I was actually getting reafy to start a new thread because I am so upset about my mother right now. I have really been having some financial difficulties, but I did manage to purchase my shoes for clinicals the other day. Mind you we are not allowed to have sneakers for clinicals, they have to be a "nursing shoe". I am not a big fan of nursemates, but since I will only be wearing them one day a week for clinicals, I found that they were the most reasonable so I purchased them for $45.00. My mom said to me, "You have no money, but you go and buy all this nurse stuff for what?" "You are not a nurse yet, why can't you just wear your regular shoes." I completely broke down in tears. I tried explaining to her that I have to have this stuff for nursing school. How am I supposed to learn how to do a BP without a stethescope? I told her that I purchased the cheapest nursing shoes that I could find. She thinks that these things are luxury items and I'm just buying them because I want them. If they were luxury items, I would have purchased the $100.00 Dansko's that I actually wanted.

    Some people don't and won't ever get it. Thats why I come here. This is my support system. Don't let the dream squashers do what they are trying to do. Maybe they are jealouse. You talk about it until you are blue in the face and who cares what anyone else thinks. They will change their tune in a few years when they come to you for medical advice. Hang in there and good luck.
  4. by   sagelola
    I, too, can sympathize. Sometimes everyone is all for me going to school...and then at other times they talk bad about me BECAUSE I am making sacrifices. My mother-in-law is especially bad. She told me just the other day that she doesn't know how I am going to do it...and that I shouldn't (basically) give up that much time because I have children. No one wants to help out (including my HUSBAND) on the days I have to be IN class at 7 am. My father sometimes has told me through the last 2 years of going to school that I should go get a job and go to school when I am older. Aren't I old enough already??

    I understand...and it especially hurts when your husband won't support you, as mine is doing right now. He also doesn't want to help out a little extra. He is telling me that I need to work out my school schedule around his work schedule. I have tried to tell him that I don't have a CHOICE about when my classes are, they are at certain times and we don't get to choose.

    I know how hard it is not to let others bother you...but you know what, like Jen2 said, just wait until you're done!! It sometimes does seem like it will be a long time...for me it has been 2 years, too, but it has just FLOWN BY! I always talk about school...I know others are sick of it, but that's what my life consists of right now...so they can just deal with it.

    Keep your chin up...you ARE doing the right thing!!
  5. by   fnimat1
    FutureNurses2005,
    Don't let anyone bring you down. You have every right to be excited!!!! You aspire to be a nurse and you will be one!!!!....Just keep saying that to yourself. I have had a few people in my family act the same way towards me. I am currently waiting for my letter....I know I won't be accepted into the Fall 2003 class...but according to a response from the chairperson of my dept....I'll either be considered for the evening program in January (something extremely new in my CC) or for September 2004. I was really dissappointed to receive this e-mail but hey...there is nothing I can do about it. Now that my family members know this they are trying to discourage my going to nursing school...maybe you should just try for the CNA or a Phlebotomy or Medical Assistant. Although I have to admit, if I am accepted for the Fall 2004 class...I have been thinking about taking phlebotomy training...for the experience. Don't get me wrong...these are all great professions....but I want to be a nurse and ultimately a N.P. So although it seems like so far away...I know I can do it....I know I want to do it....and I will. That's how you have to feel....don't think about it as being a long time from now...think about it as time for you to study harder so that you can attain your goals.


    Hugs,
    Fatima
  6. by   essarge
    I guess I would have to ask if these people that are not supporting you have ever attended college. Sometimes, if they have not, they cannot understand the strain and stress.

    If they have attended, perhaps getting them to reminisce about it may help.

    I know the support thing really well. My marriage broke up because of that (among other things). So now I have a good friend who attends another nursing program that supports me 100%. We will be graduating around the same time in May and are hoping that graduation will be at different times so that we can attend each others graduation.

    Find a friend that will help support you throughout your program. Plus you have a lot of support here whenever you need it!
  7. by   Jen2
    Fatima,

    I hope you get that letter!!!! I'm really pulling for you. I have been reading about your situation for some time know. I can't wait to hear what program you have been accepted into. Good luck, and let us know as soon as your know, so we can have a cyber party. Also I am a phlebotomist, so if you have any questions you can PM me.

    essarge is right. I am the only person in my family to ever attend college. So, you would think that everyone would be very supportive, but no. All I get is "It's your choice to do this to yourself." Well my reply to this is "I didn't choose nursing school, it chose me." Tell them this it may shut them up for awile.
  8. by   iliel
    I think everyone here has experienced this to some degree. I have a VERY supportive boyfriend. He's all for it. He told me to quite my job, he'll help me if my loans don't get here on time, he pays my bills. I also have 2 or 3 friends who are supportive and excited for me. Then....there are the others. I too have a father who thinks I should just get married, he told me that I'm too old to be going back to schoo! Too old? I just turned 27? What???
    My mom is supportive and so is my step dad, they've done alot for me. I've also lost some "friends" because I went back to school. One girl told me she couldn't talk to me anymore because when she asked how was my day, I would talk about how school went. Ah, wasn't that part of my day? I just stopped talking to people like that, but when it's your family, you just can't drop them. (even thought sometimes you would like too!)

    I have to agree with esserage, the people who don't support me did not go to college, or if they did, they majored in something they didn't want to and have no desire to go back and make themselves happy.

    Saddly, I found that I can do a lot of things with out the suppport of people. As for talking about the furture, sometimes my boyfriend thinks I worry about it too much. We had a long talk and now he understands that I have the right to talk about this and worry about this as much as I want too!
    Good luck to you

    Jen, check your PM!
  9. by   babynursewannab
    Pooh on them! Your dream, your right to talk about it!

    The end.
  10. by   janis9799
    I got married young (22). Had my first child at 23. When I had him I thought what the nurses did was so cool. It seemed like a great job, with lots of diversity (if you get tired of one area of nursing you can get into another). I always wanted to help people and this seemed like something I could do. When I first started talking about wanting to be a nurse six years ago, my mom told me I was too sensitive to handle the sad parts of nursing. She did have a point, I mean I cannot watch a sad movie without crying etc. I knew that about myself and thought there were plenty of not too sad very often areas of nursing, I would just pick something like that. I continued to think about nursing (and was a bit mad that my mom said I couldn't handle it). Then when I was 25 she had to have brain surgery. I went up to take care of her before and after the surgery. Oh and this surgery had a good chance of leaving her a vegetable, paralyzed, or dead. We had to have extensive talks (as I am her oldest child and she is unmarried) about her final arrangements if it came to that. Luckily she wound up coming out of it ok. After the surgery before I went home she said to me,"You should be a nurse you would be great at it." So I told her I thought she though I was too sensitive. She said I had matured and toughened up a bit. LOL! Now I work as a cna in a nursing home, and have had to deal with the very sad parts of health care. I remember the first patient we lost and I thought it would be creepy, scary, and sad. I was so worried that this patient was going to die on my watch, didn't think I was ready to deal with it. But of course she did die, and it was ok. It wasn't any of the things I expected. I am actually thinking about possibly doing hospice when I get out. Because as a good friend of mine said," Sometimes dying isn't the worst alternative." Which is so true when you see someone suffering. I try and think of it that way. I did cry once, but more because I was so touched by the way the family of this resident gathered around her and sang her out of this life. It was New Year's and they sang hymns to her because she was religious and it was one of the most precious things I have ever witnessed and everyone should go like that, surrounded by family and the singing was so beautiful. When she went the family cried and cried and I felt so bad for them and was so touched by her final moments I had to duck my head into another pt room. LOL! But I know most of my coworkers have cried at one time or another. Sorry I digress...

    My husband was extremely unsupportive in the beginning. When I was in the just talking about it phase (which was a few years since I had small children). I got very frustrated that he wasn't supporting me in my dreams. He told me flat out he didn't want to talk about it. It did get to the point that I made it clear that I was going to go, and if he wasn't going to be supportive of my dreams and believe in me, he could leave because I didn't want that negativity in my life. Hey I am a force to be reckoned with. LOL! I think he decided he would rather be with me than be without me. I also know his main fear is that I would become self sufficent and leave him. I think alot of men get threatened by school because they think they will lose us after we get out. Just insecurities coming to the surface.

    I also have children who are young 4 and 6. I am just doing my prereq's and hopefully Fall 2004 I will get into the ADN program. I often worry if I am neglecting them too much, am I screwing them up etc. But I stayed home for five years, and I need this for me. They can have a happy mom some of the time, or a mom who is frustrated and unhappy. Not to mention the extra income will definitely benefit them. I will be able to save for college for them, buy a house etc. I think it also shows them some really good lessons like sometimes it is important to do something for yourself, education is very important, and not be afraid of hard work. My oldest son was totally into looking at the A&P pics in my book last year. And when you ask him what he wants to be he most of the time says nurse, sometimes he wants to be a police officer...lol. I was so amazed though that a little boy wants to be what his mommy wants to be. I was very touched.

    My husband is now on board. He was really great last year while I was in school. He actually does chores which the first six years of our seven year marriage he never did that stuff EVER. We would argue about how he never helped me with chores at all. Now he does it. He has the responsiblity of the kids three nights a week while I work. He will take the kids out of the house when I need to study. In return I have a 3.4 average. I am lucky, everone who told me I shouldn't or couldn't has come around. But I found that by telling me I couldn't or shouldn't I have worked harder to prove I could.
    Janis
  11. by   bedpan
    Originally posted by FutureNurse2005
    It really bugs me that they are not excited for me and not supporting me more. I've got 4 classes on the go right now (bio, chem, math and med. term) and I am working my tooshie off to make excellent grades. I WANT this so much!! When I do well on a test, nobody says anything! Nobody cares but me

    Hubby is all for me going to school, he just doesnt want to hear about it until I am in the program.

    I just feel so down right now. This is so freaking important to me!
    I just had to let this out this morning. Thanks for listening
    Well Future (and EVERYONE else reading this!) just post your accomplishments here and allow us the joy of sharing them with you and congratulating you on your hard work!

    I am divorced and have no family since my Mom passed away last year so I really do not have a "support system" in place at all - I do understand, it is tough working your butt off and not having someone that you can share it with.

    But I assure you, everyone on this board DOES understand and WILL be more than happy to share the excitement with you!

  12. by   StacyC417
    I am so stoked to read all of your stories because I am feeling the exact same way right now...I think that it's going to take me 2 years FULL time to get my prereqs done, and then another 2 years to get through the nursing program, and this is all for an ADN degree. I sometimes wonder if I should just stay a CNA and try and get into the PostPartum unit, instead of persuing my goal as a NICU nurse. It's just so hard to juggle family (I have a 3 yr old), work, and school...Especially without family support. Take care, and Stay Strong!!!

    Stacy
  13. by   ST_NURSE_MLD
    You guys have certainly tapped on a subject that most all of us have dealt with..... In nursing school you'll find out quick the types of people who are unselfish and caring... Most of them are on this BB Hang in there....

    In MO, you have the qualities of being a "great" RN. In nursing school, we realize and identify with our "own" feelings about things. And, on a good day deal with them. This gives us the abiltiy to learn about and respect our patients feelings.
  14. by   geekgolightly
    I graduated this week from nursing school and everything that you all are describing is horrible and awful and i lived through it and all i can say is that it is WORTH every second of excitement and study time and juggling and backtalk from friends and family. now that im done, i know i would live through those beginning years especially the horror of preclinical when i didnt even know if i could get IN nursing school, i would live through it all in a heart beat.

    it's totally worth it and i wish all of you the best.


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