instructor says nursing is not for me..

Nursing Students General Students

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First of all I apologize for the long post!!

So I passed my first semester with good grades. (mostly A's with B being the lowest) The clinical teacher in our first semester said my skills are better than most people's, I just lack self-confidence, that I am going to be a good nurse.

It is now second semester and we are doing our clinical at retirement residence. I participate in group discussions, and for our presentation to the residents, I spent the greatest amount of time and took the biggest part of it (I was actually interested in the topic and wanted to give residents the most useful and interesting information). My marks in other subjects are also very good.

Yesturday I learned that our coordinator of the program wants to talk to me. I had no idea what it would be about, and so i was slightly nervous. It turned out I was nervous for a reason. The coordinator said that the clinical instructructor is very concerned with the way I act in clinical, and that at the moment I am failing it.

Her reasons are that I do not "mingle" with residents, for instance I do not talk to them in the mourning and afternoon. That she constantly has to encourage me to talk to residents (I remember she mentioned it once, in a matter of fact way, and I asked her what I should talk to them about), ..That I do not know how to talk to people at all (instructor told my coordinator that "I actually once asked her if I should invite the patient to get his blood pressure taken when we were doing the blood pressure clinic!").

I do realise that the two things that I said were kind of silly, but I did not realise that that would put me on a contract, and would mean that nursing is not for me (the coordinator said that), since the clinical instructor never showed any signs of being upset and never told me anything about .. well.. anything.. Whenever she talked to me she was always smiling, not a hint that there was anything wrong. And now the coordinator telling me that I should probably switch from nursing, that she is questioning if nursing is for me, that I am on the point of failing, and if I don't change a 100% i will fail. I also mentioned something about psychiatric nursing, and she said I won't be able to do that since I don't know how to talk to people.

It is true that I am a bit shy, and unless a conversation has purpose and direction to it it is hard for me to know what to say.. (to make a small talk about nothing in particular in other words).. But is being outgoing really the most important thing in nursing?

I am polite, and sensitive to other people, as well I have great interest and knowledge in the areas of nursing i am interested in which I am willing to apply to help patients.. And as i said I do not have a problem obtaining specific information, if the conversation has some sort of purpose.. The instructor said however that no patient will let me do a procedure or give me any information unless I first build a "trusting relationship" with him/her.

So my question is--Is small talk essnetial for nursing?? ( i mean, I always introduce myself, I am always polite and I always ask patients how they are and all that, I just find it kind of awkward and even sometimes inappropriate (just for myself) to ask them questions about their life, their family, their health, if there is no specific reason for asking such questions.. Efficiency, rationality, reasonability, logic and relevancy are all the core aspects of my personality which will be hard to change.

So to sum this up--I am bad at small talk, and at converations without purpose and/or specific direction, should I be a nurse, or is my coordinator right?

I have learned a lot from reading everyone's posts.

I tend to be kinda the same way. To me it is a fear or a wall I need to climb over.

I would like to hear about peoples stories. A lot of which are very interesting. Like when we (family musicians) went to play at a nursing home they all are full of stories but have no one to share them with. I don't think half the time they even want to talk to their CNA's or Nurses...going by how some are treated. Old guys have many world war stories and every old person has a story of what they did for a living. IMO, talking to them and getting these stories shows that they trust you more than they do their nurse or whoever takes care of them. Such people(such as nurses) may not have time to chat and old people like talking,chatting, or having someone who will make them laugh. When I was a lot younger I got payed a dollar to kiss a old lady-no family members and she was lonely (ofc I didn't know I would get money for it).

So my advise is talk to them. Try to do so in a way that shows them that they can trust you.

As I said this communication thing may be a problem for me as well but I have to get over myself.

I like talking to people but usually with me it takes a few sentences before I am not nervous anymore. Once I let myself out of the box (so to speak) people actually comment on how i'm "such a good kid" or "nice to talk to". I do instrument sales which helps me communicate better. I have made $5 extra in cases where they thought I was nice to talk to. For me I was home schooled so I didn't interact with people as I should have. I am finding day by day it gets easier to talk to people without my slight fear. Also I think it helps a lot to get a part time job at a restaurant or being a cashier or salesperson. It helps with people skills and communication.

Specializes in Psych.

The small talk thing actually comes very naturally to me.

I typically look around the room to see if anything catches my eye, a book they are reading, a magazine, or heck even what show they are watching. It could also be jewelery they on, anything "safe" I typically do this before I do any of my assessment so I can build a rapport with the patient before I ask them how their bowels have been moving.

I work on psych so I talk to patients a lot. Small talk helps build the trust and they may share something with me that they havent shared before.

You begin to get the feel of when its enough :) Some patients are not receptive to the conversation, which is fine.

I just want to let you know that I am the exact same way. I am a shy person, but also very polite and interested in my patients. You do find that some patients are easier to talk to than others, but you will do fine. I knew that socialization with the patients was one of my weak points, so in clinicals when I had extra time, I went and found my patients, and made myself talk to them. It isn't that I didn't want to, it is just that I had a hard time coming up with topics. The more you try to communicate with them, the easier the small talk becomes.

And here is good news for you... the more you are around the same patients, it will be a piece of cake. I work in long term care, and day in and day out of taking care of the same residents, you learn their personalities and what they are interested in, and the words just flow from your mouth.

Hang in there, show some extra initiative, and you will be a great nurse. The #1 quality is compassion, and you have that!!! :D

I'm not reading these long posts but I'll respond to the headline. My nursing instructor said nursing was not for me, as well. Then I became a nurse. A good one. One who patients liked. Now, years later, I know who was not right for what- the instructor wasn't right for teaching. Some of those nursing instructors are just bad at what they do, and they're poor people persons, and they like to put down anxious students who are really trying hard.

You're studying to be a nurse. Not a nursing student. Forget the school photos, the pinning ceremonies, the junk that has nothing to do with your studies. Especially the teacher put-downs. Get through school and don't look back.

My new post maybe a bit pfftopic, but I am getting more and more dissapointed in.. I don't know nursing or my instructor.. (the one I was talking about) I just received feedback on my presentation. My topic was prevention of depression. I went out of my way, talked to my psychologist, used the site that she (the psychologist) is using, used the book that was recommended to me by psychiatrist.. as a result, I came to the conclusion (well it wasn't my idea, but from the information that I read) that the best way to prevent depression was to be able to identify errors in your own thinking. This helped me so much, when I was depressed it is not that complicated either (the book for instance is written for general public, not experts), there are about 8 of them (catastrophizing, black-and -white thinking, etc.)And all the most effective therapies are based on this idea of thinking errors. So I decided to teach them about those errors, give them a handout, a make a little quiz (we were going to do a quiz anyway so I would just incorporate those q's.). I was pretty excied about it actually. So I submit this info to the instructor, and she says I should change it, that the residents will not understand, they will not be interested, that I should just talk about general things like excercise, nutrition, socializing .. I'm so dissapointed and super frustrated now, what does she know about prevention of depression? excercise is secondary in this case, I had depression myself I have been to CBT, I have talked to psychiatrist, and the area of psychology, mental health has been my area of pretty intense interest for a long time now! I bought and borrowed and read books from the library on mental illness and psychology, and now she is telling me that the information I know to be the most useful in prevention of depression to be inappropriate and irrelevant!! (like who is she to tell me that, she might be a nursing instructor but it doesn't mean she knows more in all areas of study!) and that I should change it completely pretty much and that I should focus on "prevention instead" (like what is prevention in her opinion? smiling all the time? it's a mental illness not a physical illness you can prevent by dressing appropriately for the wether and eating the right foods). From her feedback, it is clear she is pretty clueless about depression. At first she didn't want our group to do depression at all, saying it was not interractive, (it was me who wanted to do it) but when she talked to the head nurse of that facility, it turned out that most patients wanted to hear specifically about depression. So she had to let us do it. So I did all this research and came up with really useful info, whereas other people in my group just took stuff from the first site that came up on the internet on symptoms and definition etc. And she ended up approving their part, and has issues with mine..

And so in general it looks like the things which I am really interested in and willing to put all my effprt into (and so I do really well in them) are not being appreciated or approved of in this program, but the things that I am not too good at and frankly don't consider to be important , turn ou to be the most important things... I don't feel any appreciation at all, all my efforts and grades in other courses are diregarded (because those courses (research, psychology, health-care consumer) are considered secondary courses.. Maybe nursing is not for me? The coordinator said "why didn't you go into something like science instead" during our meeting with her over the contract, maybe she was right?

I'll pass on what a fellow student told me one time. She figured out what the instructors wanted to hear and fed it to them, from a full plate. She would "create" things to write that fit the required criteria if reality was not sufficient. She got all A's. If your instructor does not want you to do a topic on depression, then do a watered down version of what she told you to use for a topic. Feed her what she wants, so you can pass the class with as little trouble as possible. The student version of being a 'yes man' got my friend all A's and entrance to the nursing honor society, so it should work for you too. Sorry it is this way, but so true.

Yes, but the question is, is it worth doing fake things, throughout your whole program, or is it better to find a place where the real things you do will be appreciated..Because if I have to capitalize on my weaknesses and fake things for this program to fit this program, which is created to ultimately make you fit the job, does it mean that on the job too I will have to constantly use my weak sides without a chance to ever show and use my strong areas?

:cry:

Specializes in nursing education.
Because if I have to capitalize on my weaknesses and fake things for this program to fit this program, which is created to ultimately make you fit the job, does it mean that on the job too I will have to constantly use my weak sides without a chance to ever show and use my strong areas?

:cry:

There's a book out there called Strengths Finder, and I would urge you to look at it. The basic premise of it sounds just like what you describe above, that Rudy (the football player) wanted something desperately that just didn't fit his strengths, and trained and trained and trained and made one heroic play, but was it worth it? Doing something in his innate skill set would have been better. So, maybe nursing is not your skill set. Or you need to find areas in nursing that better match your skill set? Or, you can struggle through like a lot of us did. Only you can decide this stuff. You have a lot of advice to consider, but only you can make the ultimate decisions.

You will find where you belong. Easier to do in the workplace than at school. If being a fake gets you what you want, graduation, then it is worth it. Very few can shop around for, and find, the perfect nursing program. Most have to adapt to the status quo. That generality fits for most of what happens in life.

What's your target audience? General psych unit? Geriatrics? Adolescents? How long do you have for a presentation? I think both of those questions factor significantly into what would be helpful to present. Also, I would just caution you to be careful to assume that what works/has worked for you will work for everyone. There are a lot of different causes of depression. Not everyone responds to CBT. That's not saying that what you've learned isn't helpful, just that you should be careful to not assume everyone is like you.

Specializes in Psychiatric Nursing.

If you challenge your instructor you will lose. She wants you to be a nurse. She doesn't want you teaching CBT. Part of being in school is doing what you are told.When you have your degree you have more options. I guess you have to decide if you want the degree. They are telling you what they want. You can do it or notdo it-- consider the consequences either way. Try to keep your options open. I would try to get a good grade , but consider other careers if you really don't like the program.

amen. that was my key strategy in nursing school.

i'll pass on what a fellow student told me one time. she figured out what the instructors wanted to hear and fed it to them, from a full plate. she would "create" things to write that fit the required criteria if reality was not sufficient. she got all a's. if your instructor does not want you to do a topic on depression, then do a watered down version of what she told you to use for a topic. feed her what she wants, so you can pass the class with as little trouble as possible. the student version of being a 'yes man' got my friend all a's and entrance to the nursing honor society, so it should work for you too. sorry it is this way, but so true.
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