I'm Offended!!!!!

  1. No, actually I'm not, but atleast it got you to read this post.

    CarolineRN really summed up with i have been feeling a lot of latey when she posted "Sometimes I have to wonder why some of us always feel we are being condescended to, even when it's not the case. "

    This BB used to be one of my favorite places to be. I could come and meet with all of you, share ideas and fears, and discuss any issue at all that was on my mind. That is not so much the case anymore. I still log in, read everything, post when I can, but I have to spend so much energy in making sure that my post is "politically correct", and completely neutral, to make sure that I dont get flamed, its not really enjoyable anymore.

    Have any of you ever seen the movie "PCU"? Its one of my favorites because it makes fun of life in general. Anyone who disagrees with the "cause" of the day gets protested. Anyone who has a strong opinion or view, no matter HOW HARD THEY TRY, will always offend someone if they read too far into it. But a fundamental fact of conversation is this... if you spend your time trying to walk on eggshells, why bother to walk at all.

    We comprise a large variety of cultures, races, religions, and values. Annmarei makes a post about prayer, it offends someone who is not religious, MRed makes a post about being an RN, and an LPN gets offended. Wildtime makes a post about sex, someone conservative gets offended. Kennedy discusses ways to maintain an erection, someone gets offended.

    Ever read our list of forums? There is one called the "LPN Corner". We dont have an "RN corner", so should I be offended? There is a Student Nurse forum, but not a Retired Nurse forum. Should P_RN be offended? The guys (kennedy and wildtime) are requesting a "GUYs" forum, but we dont have a "Gals" forum, so should I be offended?

    See how silly this all is when we read too far into things? In our upcomming practices we will be taking care of the entire spectrum of the population, in every size, shape, color, heritage. They will not always be just like us, they will have different values, different ideas, and different plans. Will we verbally attack the patients the same way we do our colleagues who happen to see thinks from a different vantage point? Its getting out of hand. Not everyone is always going to agree with you. They may be right, they may be wrong, but atleast they ARE VALID! Atleast they are expressing themselve, and adding to the discussion. How valuable would this BB be if no one ever responded to your questions? We might find out soon. People have emailed me, and told me that they are going to stop posting because they are afraid that they will offend someone, and be attacked.

    So what can we do? Here is one option... relax! Take things in stride, dont try to dig the underlying meaning, dont try to see things that just ARE NOT THERE! If you dont agree with someone, just say that you dont agree, and state why. Stop making everything you read on these boards an US versus THEM, stop thinking that a post is attacking you personally. We shouldnt have to sugar coat our opinions to be able to post them. Granted, some people just have thin skin, and no matter how hard you try not to offended them, you will anyways. Be true to yourself, be yourself, and if someone gets offended, its not your fault that they are overly sensitive.

    Enjoy life, enjoy the BB, and start thinking with your heads up (logical), not your heads down (emotional). We shouldnt have to walk on eggshells to be able to converse. Silly... its all just silly.
    Last edit by BrandyBSN on Aug 30, '01
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   essarge
    Brandy,

    Again, very well said!! It brings to mind the old adage, "You can please some of the people some of the time, but not all the people all of the time!" . I think this board is a prime example of that.

    You are absolutely right when you said:

    "In our upcomming practices we will be taking care of the entire spectrum of the population, in every size, shape, color, heritage. They will not always be just like us, they will have different values, different ideas, and different plans. Will we verbally attack the patients the same way we do our colleagues who happen to see thinks from a different vantage point? Its getting out of hand. Not everyone is always going to agree with you."

    I truly believe that part of being a nurse is, not necessarily agreeing with what I hear and see, but realizing that there are numerous differences in everyone in this world. To be able to work with these differences without stating that they are absolutely wrong (in my opinion), but realizing that in their world, this may be acceptable.

    Like you Brandy, I do not understand the need to verbally attack someone else because of their opinion, just because you don't agree with it. To be able to have an opinion and be able to state it without being attacked, is one of the great freedom's that we have. To attack someone because of there opinion, is trying to take that freedom away, and stating that the attacker's opinion is the only opinion that should be allowed.

    There are right ways to express an opinion, and wrong ways. It is WRONG to attack someone, no matter how passionately you feel. It is RIGHT, to state your opinion, without posing an attack posture!!

    Just MHO!!
  4. by   hoolahan
    Brandy, I haven't seen the posts about prayer you referred to, but if you read the terms of service, it is very clear why I did what I did. As a moderator, I am bound to follow those rules, as are you. Also, as you should know, as a modertaor, I am sent every post from my forums in my personal e-mail for review, so whether it was labeled or not, i had to read it. I have experienced severe flaming because of this. But, these are only words on a BB. My real-life friends would laugh hysterically at someone calling me a prude or thin-skinned. So, try not to take it too seriously, I don't! Feel free to post whatever you want! If you cross a line, trust me, someone will let you know. If they bite, bite back! It can be done with class. One does not have to stoop to the level of name calling to make a point.

    It's a little ironic that people who don't want to be restricted in their postings would criticize others for voicing their opinions or objections. If you want free speech, you have to allow it for everyone. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I mean this country is based on free speech, but would anyone walk up to their pt and tell them their religion sucks? Of course not! Why? Besides the obvious nursing ethical and moral issues, because you must abide by a policy of the hospital, even if in your heart you feel that prayer is wrong. (Just using an example here, I have no problem with prayer or freedom of religion.) Just like a hospital, this BB has rules and guidelines to follow for posting. Why? I don't know, you would have to ask Brian, it's his BB. Just because the country has freedom of speech, it simply doesn't mean you can exercise that free speech anywhere without consequences. It also says in the description of the Off Topic category "be pleasant." Well, would you call the flaming I got pleasant? I wouldn't! And it keeps popping up all over the place. Make one move that is unpopular, and they never let you forget it!

    From what I have read from you, you make a valuable contribution to this BB. Why would you let people who don't even know you, the real you, or what is in your heart, stop you from taking pleasure in posting here, if that is what you enjoy? Fagetaboutit! I am!!
  5. by   giftedRN
    Hey Ladies and Gentlemen,

    Just say what you have to say and let us get on with the forum. Some poeple will be petty but that is okay, this is a world with poeple of different backgrounds.

    I am sorry but I will always post here because knowledge is power and if someone disagrees he or she has a right to voice her opinion. afterall this is a free world which does not belong to anyone of us but GOD.

    Guys just do what you have to do and get on with the show.

    Love your brothers and sisters no matter what the circumstances. Just kill us with LOVE. Shower it all over those that oppose you and move on.
  6. by   kimtab
    A timely post Brandy, as I have been quite discouraged lately about BB's in general. I love them! I think they are a great resource! I think about swearing off of them at least once a day because I spend a lot of time trying to sanitize my language and still, I always worry that someone is going to pick apart my semantics for the purpose of finding themselves insulted. I even edited this post for general consumption.

    The PC climate has gone too far IMHO. I even found myself with hurt feelings over a post the other day. Fortunately I slapped myself back to reality! That person meant no insult, most people who post here mean to state their opinion not to insult. If we all have to post only that which appeals to the lowest common denominator, this place is gonna be boring as all get out. Since when was disagreement NOT part of a lively discussion anyway? There is a difference between lively debate, and flaming. I think people have the right to have a nice BB where no one gets flamed. I don't think people have the right to a place where they are insulated from all mention of any issue they happen not to condone.

    Kim
  7. by   BrandyBSN
    Hoolahan,

    I was not refering in a negative way about your removing that particular thread, as I agree that it did push the limits too far. My only reason for referring to that thread was that what is acceptable to some, is not to others. I definately was not questioning your judgement for removing it, as I would have done the same thing. It was just not really appropriate. I was not saying that you were a prude or thin-skinned. You did your job

    The prayer post from annmarei was in a topic thread about ways to relax. I got an email about it from someone who did not think it was appropriate, and it made me laugh. That was the reason I posted THIS thread.

    Ofcourse to keep things pleasant, we must have limits, and the XXX-rated post was not appropriate for general reading. We never know... there is not a way to keep minors from reading these forums, and for that reason ATLEAST, sexually explicit messages need to be dealt with, and I think you did the right thing.

    Flaming is never appropriate, even though we may feel very stong about an issue, we often only see "our side" of things. No one should have flamed you for doing your job, and using your best judgement. IMHO, you were right. And PMs are ment for that sort of thing, not the general board.

    Thanks!
    BrandyBSN
    Last edit by BrandyBSN on Aug 30, '01
  8. by   wanna B an RN
    I think as "readers" of this board, we have to remember that emotions are not portrayed. Someone may say something in person jokingly, but typed in words can come across as totally different. Don't get me wrong, I AM NOT saying to post carefully, I'm saying that when reading the posts, don't take everything so personal. I'm sure the poster isn't.
  9. by   BrandyBSN
    Absolutely!

    Most vocal conversation in animated. When typing, we cant show vocal inflection, facial expressions, or body language, which is really what limits the internet most (IMHO).
  10. by   Bonnie Blue
    I have found that I get in less trouble with my posts if I write them at a reasonable hour and I am not falling asleep. My emotions tend to get out of whack when I'm tired. This not a good time to be righteously indignant. I think you do a great job Brandy. I also try to remember that just because it's posted doesn't mean I have to read it much less comment on the post.
  11. by   puzzler
    Just my 2 cents worth.

    A saying that has worked for me many times in the past:

    "Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree and move on"

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