I'm just worn out

  1. I have definitely hit a wall, or maybe the wall has hit me. After a year and a half of being thrilled to be back in school and working toward my goal, I feel like I've suddenly crashed & burned. A lot of marital & personal stuff going on in my life that I don't really want to go into, and I know that's a lot of the cause. But today I bombed a test. I got a 75 - my lowest score of the semester by about 18 points. And normally I get very positive comments on my care plans and other clinical paperwork, but today I got a care plan returned to me with instructions to do it over again.

    This past Tuesday in clinical, I was actually afraid. My patient had acute leukemia and sepsis and was in reverse isolation. Her labs that morning included a WBC count of 0.4. At 0730 I took her vitals, and watched the thermometer climb to 100.9. Alarm bells went off in my head. I was almost overwhelmed with the fear that she would die while I was there, and that there was nothing I could do about it. I've never felt that way before, and I have had patients that I knew were probably in their last couple of days. I've read posts here about having a knot in your stomach before clinical -- now I know what you mean.

    Next week is our school's spring break, and all I can think about is sleeping. Maybe I just need the week to snap out of this.

    Thanks for listening.
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   christySN
    I think you will feel better after your spring break. I remember feeling that way in the middle of my program as well. I was overwhelmed with school and family responsibilities and thought "what am I doing -- nursing school is not designed for a mother of three - I will never make it" But now I am almost to the end, I graduate in May and I am so happy to be finished but also nervous to be actually working as a RN. I feel like I have learned so much yet know nothing all at the same time. Does that make sense? My instructors and other RN's say this is perfectly normal and it will all come together when I start working. My spring break is in two weeks and I need it for this final push towards graduation. Just stay focused you will make it.
  4. by   kahumai
    MLOS-
    I'm sorry that things haven't been going well for you lately. Hopefully they'll pick up after you've had some time to take an deep breath, relax, and "sleep." I hope things work out well for you once school starts again. Good Luck!
  5. by   lesley_girl
    I know what you're talking about. I've had days like that, and even months. In fact, I suppose I hit all wall as well, just two weeks ago. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now and we finally were, and then I miscarried. Then I got a 76 on a test the same week (which is not at all like me), forgot to turn in an assignment, wrecked my car, and got strep thorat. School can really stress you out and make you feel pretty bad about yourself. The only thing I can say is...keep your head up. This too will pass. I'm sure you're doing the best you can considering the circumstances. Have faith in yourself...you can do it. And hey, when you get the chance, do something just for yourself. Don't ever forget to take care of yourself.
  6. by   TRISHnotyetRN
    Quote from lesley_girl
    I know what you're talking about. I've had days like that, and even months. In fact, I suppose I hit all wall as well, just two weeks ago. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now and we finally were, and then I miscarried. Then I got a 76 on a test the same week (which is not at all like me), forgot to turn in an assignment, wrecked my car, and got strep thorat. School can really stress you out and make you feel pretty bad about yourself. The only thing I can say is...keep your head up. This too will pass. I'm sure you're doing the best you can considering the circumstances. Have faith in yourself...you can do it. And hey, when you get the chance, do something just for yourself. Don't ever forget to take care of yourself.
    It's the tough times that make us stronger. Better times lay ahead!!!
  7. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    I wound up getting an instructor wrote up for a dressing change that was supposed to be sterile but wasn't. She touched my sterile gauze with her bare fingers and i refused to use those on my pt. and went and got the stuff to start all over again. She was furious, but i wasn't about to risk it. That pt. is paying for a STERILE dressing, they are going to get a STERILE dressing. (They also had a compromised immune system). Needless to say i got ripped a new one on my clinical grade, which i don't think is a coincidence. The program directors stand by me for standing up to her, and i submitted my clinical paper to the head instructor to regrade. That's been very stressful.

    Working 45-55 hours, 12 hours of school, and 20 hours of clinical, i'm tired, i'm beat. On top of all of that dealing with my NOW ex-b/f (the trust issue was too much, i gave up) and worrying about both grandmas, my dad, plus my POS car, a few health problems, and exploding toilet, I finally had a moment where i just bawled like a baby. Two weeks ago i went to the pastor to talk, because i felt so overwhelmed, yet no one to talk to about it, since i never have the TIME to see the light of day anymore. That helped, but June can't get here fast enough.
  8. by   sun_chica
    Sounds like we're all in a similar boat...between work, classes,clinical, & family obligations there's little time for ourselves! Thank god, only 9 more clinicals, 10weeks of classes to go...May, here I come! I'm soo excited to be graduating, hopefully I find a job that gives a good orientation period! Good Luck!!!
  9. by   tryingtomakeit
    I Have definitely seen those days (and weeks) too. All you have to do is go back into some of the posts for the past year and you will see me there venting. But you know what? On May 15th I will graduate. In the past three years my mother had a stroke, my father had a heart attack, and my mother-in-law passed away. There were also other things in my life that kept sending me the message that I wouldn't make it. For the first year and a half I went to school and studied all week, then worked 16 hours on Saturdays and 16 hours on Sundays. I also have a husband and a nine year old son. Soooooo many times I wanted to give up, but I am almost there and thanking God every day that I kept going. Just take one day at a time - this moment is all we are promised anyway. So look at the good things around you in each moment. They are there and they will see you through. Good luck everybody!
    Last edit by tryingtomakeit on Feb 27, '04

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