I have definitely hit a wall, or maybe the wall has hit me. After a year and a half of being thrilled to be back in school and working toward my goal, I feel like I've suddenly crashed & burned. A lot of marital & personal stuff going on in my life that I don't really want to go into, and I know that's a lot of the cause. But today I bombed a test. I got a 75 - my lowest score of the semester by about 18 points. And normally I get very positive comments on my care plans
and other clinical paperwork, but today I got a care plan returned to me with instructions to do it over again.
This past Tuesday in clinical, I was actually afraid. My patient had acute leukemia and sepsis and was in reverse isolation. Her labs that morning included a WBC count of 0.4
. At 0730 I took her vitals, and watched the thermometer climb to 100.9. Alarm bells went off in my head. I was almost overwhelmed with the fear that she would die while I was there, and that there was nothing I could do about it. I've never felt that way before, and I have had patients that I knew were probably in their last couple of days. I've read posts here about having a knot in your stomach before clinical -- now I know what you mean.
Next week is our school's spring break, and all I can think about is sleeping. Maybe I just need the week to snap out of this.
Thanks for listening.
Feb 27, '04
I Have definitely seen those days (and weeks) too. All you have to do is go back into some of the posts for the past year and you will see me there venting. But you know what? On May 15th I will graduate. In the past three years my mother had a stroke, my father had a heart attack, and my mother-in-law passed away. There were also other things in my life that kept sending me the message that I wouldn't make it. For the first year and a half I went to school and studied all week, then worked 16 hours on Saturdays and 16 hours on Sundays. I also have a husband and a nine year old son. Soooooo many times I wanted to give up, but I am almost there and thanking God every day that I kept going. Just take one day at a time - this moment is all we are promised anyway. So look at the good things around you in each moment. They are there and they will see you through. Good luck everybody!
Last edit by tryingtomakeit on Feb 27, '04