"I Haven't Made Any Friends Yet!" - page 4

by TheCommuter Asst. Admin

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Countless first-semester and first-quarter nursing students worriedly exclaim, ďI havenít made any friends in nursing school!Ē Over the years Iíve made a few curious observations about the nursing students who express the most... Read More


  1. 0
    Quote from triquee
    Erikson might say that someone who is intensely focused on finding a peer group, "fitting in," or defining themselves by or through new friendships well into their 20's or 30's had some difficulty in resolving the Identity vs. Role Confusion stage of their adolescence.

    I would imagine they are mostly those whose sense of identity was marred by their adolescent friendships/social status - either by not having an opportunity to define themselves socially because of a lack of friendships in high school or by having their self-identity disturbed by popularity. Often times teens who achieve a high level of social status come through the other side with either guilt (feeling undeserving of the notoriety they achieved) or an unrealistic and inflated self-perception (from being accepted even when their actions or behaviors are socially unacceptable) or some combination of both.

    I tend to run very quickly in the other direction away from folks my age who seem overly preoccupied with making friends. I'd rather not be the object of their unrequited identity formation. If that makes me a jerk, I'm okay with that.

    I don't see it this way, but you and Erickson might see someone interested in making friends as having some personality problem,
    but,
    i don't.
    I could probably line up several famous leaders in psychiatry, who might wonder if loners are the maladjusted ones? But, i might view those types as simply loners, not 'marred'.

    I don't equate wishing for a good friend in your new school, as "seeking status", (wow, i love a great friend, the depth of the joy there, has nothing to do with "status")
    nor do i see wishing for a pal to talk over the amazing world of nursing school, as "a sign of guilt", nor a sign of "inflated self perception."


    "intensely" interested? Who knows, if the person who posts online, is "intensely" interested in making friends? Who knows, if someone posts on a student nursing forum, that they state they haven't yet made friends, has a personality problem,
    or,
    is just looking for tips, to see if this is common with other student's experiences, etc. It's also not impossible, that they wrote a post on one day,
    but, the post reflect only how they felt on that one day. who knows.

    I do think, that if one moves to a new town, or attend a brand new school, that many ppl might wish for a pal. doesn't mean they are "marred". It might indicate their other friends are now far away, or,
    won't 'get' nursing school discussions, the way another student nurse would.
    I understand that.
    I am kind of surprised anyone doesn't get that, and seem to view students new in school, or maybe new in that town, wishing for another student nurse as their friend,
    are 'marred' or otherwise maladjusted.

    fascinating.




    some of the people on this thread, stating they think they would enjoy having another student nurse for a pal, are not "teens" either. Might be more of a camaraderie thing that they seek or wish for, to process the often odd experiences we encounter in nursing school,
    and not a sign they are damaged in some way.

    Nursing school can feel overwhelming at times, the urge to talk over the experiences (often, weird and foreign experiences) seems like it might be normal urge to me.
    Oh my, my pals while in school, oh my, did we ever get laughing together sometimes, or helped each other gain perspective on this event or that event, lots of benefits.

    but, who knows, maybe we were all just "marred" or something, ha ha!!

    To any student nurses reading along,
    i say,
    if you want to have a another nursing student for a friend beside you while you are in nursing school,
    go for it. Seems normal wish to me!!
    Last edit by somenurse on Dec 19, '12
  2. 3
    Quote from Jean Marie46514
    I don't see it this way, but you and Erickson might see someone interested in making friends as having some personality problem,
    but,
    i don't.
    I could probably line up several famous leaders in psychiatry, who might wonder if loners are the maladjusted ones? But, i might view those types as simply loners, not 'marred'.

    I don't equate wishing for a good friend in your new school, as "seeking status", (wow, i love a great friend, the depth of the joy there, has nothing to do with "status")
    nor do i see wishing for a pal to talk over the amazing world of nursing school, as "a sign of guilt", nor a sign of "inflated self perception."


    "intensely" interested? Who knows, if the person who posts online, is "intensely" interested in making friends? Who knows, if someone posts on a student nursing forum, that they state they haven't yet made friends, has a personality problem,
    or,
    is just looking for tips, to see if this is common with other student's experiences, etc. It's also not impossible, that they wrote a post on one day,
    but, the post reflect only how they felt on that one day. who knows.

    I do think, that if one moves to a new town, or attend a brand new school, that many ppl might wish for a pal. doesn't mean they are "marred". It might indicate their other friends are now far away, or,
    won't 'get' nursing school discussions, the way another student nurse would.
    I understand that.
    I am kind of surprised anyone doesn't get that, and seem to view students new in school, or maybe new in that town, wishing for another student nurse as their friend,
    are 'marred' or otherwise maladjusted.

    fascinating.




    some of the people on this thread, stating they think they would enjoy having another student nurse for a pal, are not "teens" either. Might be more of a camaraderie thing that they seek or wish for, to process the often odd experiences we encounter in nursing school,
    and not a sign they are damaged in some way.

    Nursing school can feel overwhelming at times, the urge to talk over the experiences (often, weird and foreign experiences) seems like it might be normal urge to me.
    Oh my, my pals while in school, oh my, did we ever get laughing together sometimes, or helped each other gain perspective on this event or that event, lots of benefits.

    but, who knows, maybe we were all just "marred" or something, ha ha!!

    To any student nurses reading along,
    i say,
    if you want to have a another nursing student for a friend beside you while you are in nursing school,
    go for it. Seems normal wish to me!!
    Take a step back.

    Try and read the post again without pulling out specific words and assigning the worst defining characteristics of those words to yourself. Consider the overall message.

    Try not to take it personally.....Because it isn't meant personally toward you or anyone.

    Also, most people are maladjusted in one form or another. It isn't an insult. It's a reality.
  3. 1
    Quote from Jean Marie46514
    I don't equate wishing for a good friend in your new school, as "seeking status", (wow, i love a great friend, the depth of the joy there, has nothing to do with "status")
    nor do i see wishing for a pal to talk over the amazing world of nursing school, as "a sign of guilt", nor a sign of "inflated self perception."

    You're reading into the article entirely too much, pulling stuff out of it that was never said, and making a mountain out of a molehill. No one has mentioned anything about guilt or inflated perception or seeking attention or many of the other things that you have quoted in your responses in this thread.

    The basis of the article was simply saying that some students obsess over not making friends after their very first semester, and become discouraged. Which is true. However, just because you haven't made friends in nursing school after the very first semester, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. If you make friends in the nursing program, great. If not, so? You're there to get an education, graduate, and move on with life. If you make friends along the way, fantastic. If not, don't obsess about it. Just get along with your classmates, study with them if you like, work alongside them on projects, ect. but if you don't walk away with a group of new best friends after your first semester, life will go on.
    nguyency77 likes this.
  4. 0
    Quote from x_factor
    You're reading into the article entirely too much, pulling stuff out of it that was never said, and making a mountain out of a molehill. No one has mentioned anything about guilt or inflated perception or seeking attention or many of the other things that you have quoted in your responses in this thread.

    The basis of the article was simply saying that some students obsess over not making friends after their very first semester, and become discouraged. Which is true. However, just because you haven't made friends in nursing school after the very first semester, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. If you make friends in the nursing program, great. If not, so? You're there to get an education, graduate, and move on with life. If you make friends along the way, fantastic. If not, don't obsess about it. Just get along with your classmates, study with them if you like, work alongside them on projects, ect. but if you don't walk away with a group of new best friends after your first semester, life will go on.
    oh, you took a quote where i am quoting another person, not the OP,
    and putting HER words, "inflated perception" etc etc,
    were the other person's exact words, (quoted in the reply alongside my words)

    but, yes, i agree, the OP did not use those words,
    the person whose remark i quoted did.


    The OP does seem to be suggesting, though, that people who want a friend have a deficit of some kind, or a lack of "self identity". I disagree that is a fact. I think it is normal for many to most people who are new to a school,
    or new to a town,
    wish for a friend. I don't see it as some type of pathology.

    also, like i said on page one, in relpy #4, in an indepth thoughtful reply,
    i am not sure someone posting in a forum for student nurses that they have not yet made friends,
    equates to "obsessing" on it. It's possible, the person posted how they felt on Tuesday, on that tuesday....might not even reflect any ongoing feeling. who knows.


    but, the post the person wrote on a tuesday might not reflect the person has an "obsession", or a personality disorder of any type, or a lack of "self identity", nor an "inflated self perception", nor do i think this is evidence the person is somehow "marred", or not well developed, etc etc.

    for real, to me,
    the urge for a student nurse
    to have a friend who is also another student nurse,
    seems kinda normal, to me anyway.
    Last edit by somenurse on Dec 19, '12
  5. 0
    Quote from triquee
    Take a step back.

    Try and read the post again without pulling out specific words and assigning the worst defining characteristics of those words to yourself. Consider the overall message.

    Try not to take it personally.....Because it isn't meant personally toward you or anyone.

    Also, most people are maladjusted in one form or another. It isn't an insult. It's a reality.

    oh, i am not taking it personally,
    nope, i am not the student who posted the article that the OP is discussing.
    I am not even a student nurse! but, i was once.

    I just simply disagree, or don't entirely agree,
    with some of your remarks,
    and some of the points being made by the OP, the overall message here, is one i think might be false. Like i said earlier, probably a hard thing to measure,
    but, i disagree with "the overall message" that there is some lack or deficit in someone who does enjoy having a friend. Please don't take it personally that i don't agree with your post,
    the "overall message" here doesn't make sense to me, i think it's a questionable premise, really. It's not an insult. I also don't think i am "applying the words to ME" either,(what?)
    just dispassionately, logically, questioning if it is actually true,
    that people who want a friend when they go to a new school,
    have some kind of a deficit.


    that's all. I really, actually do view the urge for a student nurse
    to befriend someone else going through the same amazing program
    as kind of a normal thing.
    EDIT---not all people enjoy having a friend, nor wish for a new one when they get to a new town or new school,i know,
    but, i think most humans do like to have a pal,

    and probably most student nurses do appreciate having a student nurse pal, who understands what they are talking about more easily, cuz they are experiencing the similar things, too. It can be helpful to have someone to chuckle about things together, or egg each other on, or help each other study, lotsa bennies, imo.
    Last edit by somenurse on Dec 19, '12 : Reason: added more content after re-reading the quote again! what?
  6. 0
    Quote from Jean Marie46514
    oh, i am not taking it personally,
    nope, i am not the student who posted the article that the OP is discussing.
    I just simply disagree, or don't entirely agree,
    with some of your remarks,
    and some of the points being made by the OP, the overall message here, is one i think might be false. Like i said earlier, probably a hard thing to measure,
    but, i disagree with "the overall message" that there is some lack or deficit in someone who does enjoy having a friend. Please don't take it personally that i don't agree with your post,
    the "overall message" here doesn't make sense to me, i think it's a questionable premise, really. It's not an insult.


    that's all. I really, actually do view the urge for a student nurse
    to befriend someone else going through the same amazing program
    as kind of a normal thing.
    EDIT---not all people enjoy having a friend, nor wish for a new one when they get to a new town or new school,i know,
    but, i think most humans do like to have a pal.
    *chuckle*

    Good Luck to ya, dear!
  7. 1
    maybe, i see the student nurse, who is new to the town, new to the school, who wishes for a pal who is also a student nurse,
    might be like the way some cops tend to have some of their best pals who are also cops,
    and military pals tend to have some pals who are also in the military,
    as some things
    are unique experiences...i sort of think being in nursing school might be a type of unique experience for many people.

    and having a pal who can also share and understand just what you meant by this or that,
    can be fun.
    L&DRegisteredNurse likes this.
  8. 1
    Quote from triquee
    *chuckle*

    Good Luck to ya, dear!

    how kind. thank you.
    and good luck to you, dear, as well.

    btw, i am not a student nurse, but, i was once. I am still pals, over 30 years later, with them, and was maid of honor for one of my old nursing school pals about 10 years ago.
    Last edit by somenurse on Dec 19, '12
    L&DRegisteredNurse likes this.
  9. 2
    I don't look at it so much as friends. I'm an introvert. But this is the first program I've entered where I do feel that I need SUPPORT. And fellow students understand better than anyone else what I'm up against.
    somenurse and everlongRN like this.
  10. 4
    Quote from Jean Marie46514
    that might be true.

    What *I* think of,
    when i think of the joys of having a true friend,
    is not the same thing as "being liked by strangers" though.

    I do think it is normal for most humans to want a friend.

    Not all humans, but, most humans do want a friend. Especially in a new town, in a new school, it can make it easier to discuss over the day's events with someone who knows you well, who you respect, etc.

    I don't think that indicates there is something wrong with the person, either.
    No it doesn't indicate anything is wrong at all. Of course we all want to be liked, have friends, be accepted. So many times here we see new nursing students say how they "hate nursing" because they don't have any "friends" and they want to leave nursing because they don't have any "friends"........that the first year after graduation on their first job they hate it because they don't have any "friends".

    The culture of the younger generation raised in social media revel in being "liked" and how many "friends" they have on Facebook or how many "followers" they have on Twitter. It was a struggle for a while with my teen (when I finally allowed them to have a FB account....they still are not allowed to twitter) That it is not the quantity of friends but the quality (when some of their "friends" have 600-800 "friends") That it isn't in the body count....how many you have listed but is what you have listed really a friend.

    I see this in some of the posters that like their job/school but they don't have any friends. I tell my kids ....work is work and friends are friends.....sometimes the two meet but it isn't a requirement. You can be successful at your job without having "friends".....they are acquaintances. Some of this social media I think has changed, or warped, that sense of friend and being liked.......

    Listening to my teens is always an education.
    metal_m0nk, Altra, nguyency77, and 1 other like this.


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