How Not to Get Taken Advantage Of

[DisneyNurseGal]

So I made a resolution for this upcoming semester... I am not going to let people walk all over me!

I am highly efficient and crazy organized. My notes are renowned, I record every lecture (and type them into my notes), my calendar is impeccable, and I do crazy good outlines. Please do not think me conceited, organization is my forte' and I take it (and my studies) seriously.

The problem is, people know these things about me, and I feel they take advantage of me. "Can you email the lecture that I missed on Thursday", "can I copy your calendar on the copy machine", "I didn't have time to read can I copy your concept map" - you get the idea. There are those in my class that I have no problem sharing and helping, because I KNOW THEY WOULD DO IT FOR ME! These individuals help me when I have questions, or problems, and they are the people I keep in my close circle.

So my question is this, does anyone have some tactful, (possibly witty) responses I can give to people when they ask me for too much? We have a small class of 30, so it is not like I can be rude (NOR DO I WANT TO BE) because I still have to co-exist with these people... I just don't want to be their doormat every time they get behind.

[mind_body_soul RN]

pmabraham reminded me of this...a couple of entrepreneurial students at the university I used to go to made a website where you could upload notes, study guides, etc for certain classes and you would get paid a couple bucks via paypal every time someone downloaded your material.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

Some people are lazy and don't want to do the hard work. I think it would be different if they were bringing something equal to the table to share but yes there are way to may moochers out there & I don't blame op for not wanting to hand over her work...

True.... But it's been my experience that having people in your debt proves to be very advantageous in the long run.

[aTOMicTom]

...When others ask I always say I'm happy to help them if they have a specific question, but can't give them a carbon copy of my notes because they lose their power if they're copied. It usually gets a few laughs and confused looks. Some people probably think there is actually something wrong with me, but hey, no one asks anymore! Haha!!

Haha this is great!

[llg, PhD, RN]

Thanks for the tip... hopefully worth the $11.99 I just paid to download it to my Kindle. This topic has gotten the gears in my head turning about a topic for a paper on professional responsibility I have to write this semester for one of my classes. Thanks again

I hope you find it worthwhile. I haven't read it. It was just recommended in a faculty member's blog who was discussing the same type of problem. Let me know what you think of it.

[Theoxenia]

It has nothing to do with being a better person or paying it forward. It's a phenomenon of a group psychology called social loathing. Always was and will be, unfortunately. Your position of not wanting to share your work with the "free riders" is absolutely normal and is quite expected and it does not make you a bad person. I don't enable social loathing myself, others might allow it, or don't really mind it, it's their choice. I would research more on ways to recognise and to deal with a social loather, there are a lot of good resources online. In your situation, I'd simply make an overly happy face and announce something like the following: "oh, sure I'll share my notes with you, even with a great pleasure, I just spent 5!!! hours (exgarated greatly) typing them- awfully slow typer, writer ... myself- you see; you in your turn sure can do the next chapter, assignment, whatever. I gladly rest and let you do the work, you give me the copy once you're done. (bluffing here) I predict we can make a great study partners, blah, blah, blah..." Usually, people start to think I am completely nuts, I don't get what they want, or I am too intrusive and they never ever even dare to mention of "borrowing" my notes again.

[rn/writer, RN]

I'll admit my first response to the OP was not the above.

My thoughts mirrored most of the posters. Let the losers do their own work.

I'm paraphrasing of course.

The generosity of the above post made me think twice.

Acting in such a way would make me a better person.

Karma is a mighty thing.

Generosity does not require you to enable poor study habits. Sharing your notes, calendars, concept maps and other materials without a darn good reason could mean that, far from being a better person, you could be helping someone else to become a lesser student/nurse.

I don't recommend lies or cutesy excuses. The shorter the answer the better.

"I'd rather not."

"ExCUSE me? You want what?"

"Sorry. No."

If you think there is a good reason to help the person (she wants the notes from the class she missed because her child was sick), make it clear that it's "just this once," and only because there were extenuating circumstances. Invite free-loaders (those riding other people's coattails) to start a study group, or even to join yours if they are prepared to contribute.

None of this need be done with a snarky attitude. You just shouldn't feel pressured to let others use your efforts while they skate by. Their future patients deserve better.

One last thought--you could print up a sheet with your study habits and all the ways you prepare for tests and exams. Make some copies. Then when someone asks for your help, you can provide the recipe for success. If all they're interested in is a handout, they'll be able to see (though they might not admit it) why you're reluctant to just fork over your notes, etc. Anyone who is really serious about learning stands to benefit from your information. Anyone else . . . maybe they'll get the idea that this isn't a game.

[DisneyNurseGal, BSN, RN]

Generosity does not require you to enable poor study habits. Sharing your notes, calendars, concept maps and other materials without a darn good reason could mean that, far from being a better person, you could be helping someone else to become a lesser student/nurse.

This is where I am coming from! I am not trying to be an enabler!

I thank everyone for their posts, and I think I am going to try the direct, short and sweet route this semester! One more semester and I won't have to deal with this problem anymore.

Good luck to everyone going back to school in the coming weeks!

[llg, PhD, RN]

This is where I am coming from! I am not trying to be an enabler!

I thank everyone for their posts, and I think I am going to try the direct, short and sweet route this semester! One more semester and I won't have to deal with this problem anymore.

Good luck to everyone going back to school in the coming weeks!

Unfortunately, you will be facing this problem forever. Every environment has its "takers" who take a lot more than they give.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

You can suggest that your time is valuable and if they want copies of your notes you are going to start charging $10 per copy.[/quote']

Per page. :)

I have done this in high school...I paid for my senior prom with note taking. I done it during a few of my pre req's....didn't need to do it in nursing school...too bad...I would've had book money!

[Okie36]

Fortunately, I have not had this problem very often in my program...we are a small group of 14. There are about 7-8 of us who trade notes, compare, divide up questions etc...we all still do our own thing but the beauty of it is each one of us brings a unique perspective to the group...what I may not fully grasp someone else does and vice versa...there have been a few incidences along the way of mooching, but those people no longer study with the group...I am one that doesn't mind people borrowing from me as long as its a 2 way street... :) good luck OP... I wouldn't mind seeing what concept mapping is? Maybe I'm old school but never heard of it?

[sarahmac09]

I think sometimes it can be detrimental to share EVERYTHING with your classmates. It's just one of those situations where you're left feeling unappreciated in the end. I think this can lead to a sort of mental fatigue or burnout before the difficult aspects of a nursing career can even begin. To each their own, though!

[Theoxenia]

It has nothing to do with being a better person or paying it forward. It's a phenomenon of a group psychology called social loafing. Always was and will be, unfortunately. Your position of not wanting to share your work with the "free riders" is absolutely normal and is quite expected and it does not make you a bad person. I don't enable social loathing myself, others might allow it, or don't really mind it, it's their choice. I would research more on ways to recognise and to deal with a social loather, there are a lot of good resources online. In your situation, I'd simply make an overly happy face and announce something like the following: "oh, sure I'll share my notes with you, even with a great pleasure, I just spent 5!!! hours (exgarated greatly) typing them- awfully slow typer, writer ... myself- you see; you in your turn sure can do the next chapter, assignment, whatever. I gladly rest and let you do the work, you give me the copy once you're done. (bluffing here) I predict we can make a great study partners, blah, blah, blah..." Usually, people start to think I am completely nuts, I don't get what they want, or I am too intrusive and they never ever even dare to mention of "borrowing" my notes again.

Just edited for spelling reasons...