How is YOUR family holding up?

  1. How is everyones families holding up while you are in school?
    Mine, personally, isn't too hot. My children are all right, they understand that I have to study. My problem is my husband. He is so demanding of my time, and expects me to revolve around him, day or night. He is jealous of the studying I have to do, and gets rather obnoxious about it. When I try to tell him about my day, he changes the subject to something about him...
    I am tired. I am beat. I am exhausted.

    My grades are showing it, I passed last class with a C. A high C, but still, a C. I have 2 tests this week, and do you think he cares? Nope! I have tried talking to him about it, and he says I am cold, insensitive and don't care about anyone but myself. He says he spoils me to no end, but I do absolutely NOTHING for him, and being his wife, I should know his needs...*SIGH*
    I am so fed up...

    Then, to top it off, we "inherited" our neice,(a behavior challenged young lady) whom the "Grandma" spoils constantly,while our two daughters have to sit by and watch. She blames that on me, saying she knows I have said things to my husband to make him think she's being mean to our kids. (Neice is 9, and two daughters are 9&7). The neice gets to go spend the night every other weekend while the other 2 don't...

    I just need to make it 6 more months, but I am truly not sure if my family will hold out that long. I have wanted to be a nurse forever and ever, and I won't let it be yanked away from me when I am this close. I won't.

    Thanks for letting me vent. Didn't think I could hold it in any longer.

    Julie
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  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   shyviolet78
    {{{{Julie}}}

    Wow, Julie, you have a lot on your plate right now. That really is a tough situation to be in while you are so busy with school. Husbands are high-maintanence creatures, aren't they?! I will keep you and your family in my prayers and hope that things get easier for you guys. Hang in there, and feel free to vent anytime you need to.
  4. by   Hooligan
    Julie,

    Just hang in there!!! I'm sure your husband doesn't mean what he says...he's probably just looking for more attention. The time spent arguing with him about whether or not you're attentive is still time spent with him and maybe that's the only way he feel he can get the attention. Maybe try making a concerted effort to really spend some quality time with him. Take 20 minutes away from your studies and give him a back rub and talk a bit with him about what his day was like. He just misses you...twenty minutes isn't much but put on a pouty face and tell him that you really wish you could spend more time with him but you have to study. Let him know that the light is at the end of the tunnel and you're almost done and then you'll be spending so much time with him he'll be begging you to go back to school!! Also...when studying, take a minute to give him a hug or quick smooch everytime you take a bathroom break or refill your coffee cup. These are just some suggestions...obviously I don't fully know your cituation or you relationship with your husband...these are just some things that are helping me. Granted...I'm only taking 2 classes and don't have children (yet) but I do work full time and commute over an hour each way to and from work so I understand the contraints that having a busy life can put on you. I hope this has helped! Good luck with school!

    ~Bean
  5. by   peaceful2100
    Julie! I know in a way how you feel expect my problem is not with my husband since I am not married. I like the suggestions that where given by bean. Sit down with your husband and talk to him, let him know how important this is to you and let him know that you are willing to give him some undivided attention in exchange for being more understanding about the reasons why you need to study and how it is your dream to be a nurse.

    My problem is with my daughter. This semester is more busier than ever for me, it is the busiest yet. I have so many projects due this semester and it seems like I never have enough time. I always feel so tired and at times I feel so lonely I just wish I can have more time to go out with some friends, that is what I really need right now but it is nearly impossible. My daughter at times refuses for me to study, we were at the point where we was doing really well and now it is going downhill again. I take her to school in the morning and she clings on to me and will not let me go out the door. I was so tempted after my test on monday to go to my advisor and withdraw but then I said to myself now what kind of sense will that be. I am so close to the end and I just need to hang in strong and remember what I tell myself, this will all pay off in the end. My daughter is like glue day in and day out and I get so worn out that by the time she falls asleep I am out of it too and then I don't get much studying done. I have been sick for the past few days now I had gotten an 85% on my first test, well just the other day I had my second test and that went wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy down to a 70% because I have not been doing much studying lately. I am now behind due to being sick and today is the first day since friday night that I feel at least half-way decent but I still feel pretty fatigued.

    I have been so stress again lately, there is so much for me and not enough time to do it all. I have been exercising lately though and that is helping a little with my stress. My parents keep telling me on the weekends before I have a big test coming up to go the library and study and they will watch my daughter but I already feel guilty enough leaving her in daycare all week and then if I left her again on the weekends. I don't know I am going to have to do it. I just hope my daughter understand that mommy is trying to make a better life for the both of us. I can't rely on my parents too much longer they been more than supportive especially for a 22 year old.
    Anyway, Juile and everyone else who is having a difficult time hang in there we can do this. It will be over soon.
  6. by   MRed94
    Julie,

    I know where you are coming from. I HAD a husband worse than yours in the means that not only was he jealous of my studying, but, I have to work to support the family while he sits on his lazy @$$ and eats............His Burger King wages were just not helping.

    So..................he ended up in the hospital with acute pancreatitis, gall bladder problems, almost in kidney failure from dehydration, (he wouldn't call the doctor, and puked for 4 days straight, every twenty minutes), and a liver infection.

    This is a pattern with him, to get sick because he doesn't take care of himself. He is a baby, not having matured after 15, and I finally got fed up and told him he was no longer welcome to live with the kids and me.

    Our lives have been calmer, cozier, and the TV isn't always on. We now live like a normal family, and the kids and I all love it.

    Life is still tough, but we are making it.

    I don't know if this is the answer for you, but it sure made my life a whole lot easier.

    Take care, and I, too, will help pray for you.

    Marla
  7. by   lever5
    Sometimes husbands feel that they will not be needed if you make enough money to support yourself. Ego thing.
  8. by   MRed94
    Lever,

    He NEVER wanted to work, he did only when I told him to either get a job or get out.

    When he finally got a job, it's at $7.35 an hour, and 20 hours a week. That is helping me?

    No way! I've been in this marriage alone for a long time, and got tired of picking up after him............

    Lazy and stupid are two things I WON'T tolerate in anyone.

    Ignorance is another thing all together.

    We are all so much happier now.

    Marla
  9. by   delirium
    Julie:
    I am exhausted with school right now, and it shows. Although I'm having fun in clinicals, the lectures I'm going to don't really help me (we have one instructor who is great in clinical but can't lecture for sh*t... and it seems like she's doing all the lecturing this term), there is just so much that's expected of me at one time. It definitely seems like nursing school is made for single people with no job/kids/outside life at times.
    Anyway, posts like yours make me glad I chose to spend my life with women. :chuckle My partner is very supportive, and pushes me to do well in school, but she too feels neglected at times. Hell, I feel neglected at times. I do my best to schedule my days off with hers, to stop studying early so we can cook dinner and maybe watch TV together, I leave her little notes that tell her I miss her, stuff like that. She is extremely important to me.
    We just keep saying: "Only two more semesters after this one", over and over, to remind ourselves why we're doing this.
    Take a deep breath. See if you want to make your husband feel better. If you do, great. If you don't, don't. You're right. You have worked too hard to get to this point to let someone deter you, so do what is right for you.
    And let us know what that is.
  10. by   yipididit
    God bless all of ya'll!!

    Take a deep breath. None of you are superwomen or supermen, we are human! We have a breaking point!! Although, there are times that I would love to run away. Hang in there.

    I know from experience that not everyone is as excited about our dreams and accomplishments as we are. I love talking about my time at school with anyone that will listen! Many times I get shut out or told, 'shutup, you talk to much'.

    Before I started school the most exciting thing in my life was trips to the grocery store and what was for dinner. The accomplishments I make everytime I walk into that classroom makes me proud of myself. AND WE ALL SHOULD BE PROUD of who we are and trying to become!!

    Since I have gone back to school, I have had to re-prioritize everything in my life. Mine goes something like this: #1) my children, #2) school, #3) hubby, #4) housework and other details.

    Another persons degrading remarks against you are their own insecurities, don't let anyone bring you down!
  11. by   fnimat1
    Hi Julie,
    Hang in there sweetie...only 6 more months to go...just keep thinking that. For me, I'm a SAHM during the day and a nursing student at night. Every night...except for Fridays from 6:40 -9:20....and my DH whines too...but that's too bad.....I have been devoting and sacrificing for him and our children for the past 8 years....it's time for me. I really don't know why my DH is whining. I have dinner prepared every night before he comes in. All he has to do is serve it. What is so hard about that? I don't know. Our dd's are 7 1/2 and 5 1/2. They can wash their own faces and brush their own teeth and put on their own pajamas. The only person that he has to deal with is our son, who is 14 months. He claims that our son won't eat dinner. He tries to feed him, but he won't eat. This burns me up. I'm like, c'mon, you can't get a 14 mth old to eat. I think it's more like he doesn't want to have to deal with it. I know it's sad to say but it's true.... But I can't worry about what goes on while I'm not here. I have to do what I have to do. So to cure the problem of my son not eating all of his dinner. I feed him while I'm eating dinner. (after I get out of class).


    Fatima
    "RN 2B in 2004"
  12. by   kelligrl
    Oh girl I feel your pain. It's been way hard for my family as well. Add to it though that I live in the same house with my mother in law. She watches all the kids (my 2 and my niece) and absolutely goes out of her way to make my kids feel like red headed step children (no offense to you redheads ) And I'm not being paranoid, my sis-in-law even sees it. My husband and I have gotten VERY close to splitting over all this. He gets all sulky and acts all put out by it all sometimes. It ticks me off bigtime. To do this was important to me, but it also will benefit all of us in the long run (what did he think we were gonna buy a house in SoCal on the $12/hr I was making before?) so forget it, I refuse to feel guilty, and you shouldn't either...Keep on it...six more months.....
  13. by   angelina28
    I feel so bad now.. I thought I was giving my husband a hard time. I started a full time program and found it was hard to do with a daughter sick all the time. But I guess I have been taking my husband for granted. Thank's for the idea's about the kiss or hug or 20 min back rub. I have put all my focus on daughter and school. I now go 3 - 4 hr's a day but still have alot of studying to do. I have left dishes in sink for 2 day's before because we were having a final exam. He hasn't once complained or threw a fit about thing's not getting done. All he say's to me when I tell him sorry it didn't get done was school for house work will alway's be there. I feel really guilty telling everyone this. I treat him horrible and he doesn't deserve it. It make's me apprecitate what I have. Now the mother in-law on the other had is horrible. She think's I'm wasting my time and I should be working and helping support the family and not worring about school. I have tryed to explain to her I am doing this for my family. I can get a better paying job with insurance because my husband don't have any through his job. But she don't see anything except her way... Well sorry if I made anyone feel bad didn't mean to just wanted to tell you thank you for making me open my eyes.

    Tammy
  14. by   stevie b
    Julie,hang on,you can do it. This may sound a little off track, but if I remember correctly,your husband was having a rough time several months back and you were very supportive of him. I know men dont like to be reminded or every little thing,but.......
    On the other hand he could be feeling threatened by your "new found independence". and if that is the case,he just needs to get over it. You have been his wife,his kids mother,now it is time to be Julie.

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How is YOUR family holding up?