How do you respond to competitive peers?

[conjer]

No matter where I turn, people are constantly trying to "one-up" me. I know I am not alone in this; nursing is a competitive major to go into.

At this point, I won't even tell my peers my scores. I'll say that i'm happy with my grade or that i'd like to improve, but I don't go into detail and I never ask them to. I also try to help people when they want encouragement or advice, all without malice.

I even have a family member that's graduating from high school soon and she's looking to go into nursing; she's already begun the habit of comparing herself to her peers, or even me.

I'm finding myself wanting to make connections with fellow students, but it feels draining to do so sometimes. How do you deal with competitive peers?

[Miss.LeoRN]

Honestly... I never let it bother me. I shrugged if off, smiled, and genuinely congratulated them on their success. If they asked, I passed, or maybe I scored higher than my previous exam. Maybe I didn't do as well as I would have like or thought I did. Or not as well as they did. Maybe I needed to study with them sometime.

There are far too many things to be bothered with and stressed about in nursing school. This one wasn't worth the energy to me. I passed, they passed, it didn't matter. My future employer isn't going to ask what my exam scores were in school.

[conjer]

i know its hard but everyone is always worried about the next. mainly cause some are seeking study habits that may help them succeed. overtime we finished with an exam and received our scores everyone starts saying what did you get. If you are doing good in the class some may be asking cause they want help. I wouldn't worry about the competitiveness because everyone is usually at different phases in the prerequisites. Some people want even be applying at the same time as you because they may need more prereqs to finish, others may even be applying to different schools so worrying about the competition is useless. I was like you i helped a lot of class mates which also helped me because the receptiveness allowed me to retain the info better. other class mates were rude and didn't understand why i sat next to the students who were struggling. but helping the ones who struggled helped me. now that I'm in the program its so different. everyone still asks what your score but they are all about helping each other succeed. just do the best you can

Thank you :) This was very encouraging.

[Shawn91111]

I am an ultra competitive person, I was that way in all my pre reqs. I felt I was on my own, as only 60 people made it into the program each year. I had to get the best grade, and be at the top of the list when it came time for who got into the nursing program, and who didn't. Now that I am in, I am peers with the other students, striving to make it as a nurse just like they are, so if I can help them and vice versa I will.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

I'm afraid I might come across as one of those competitive people. I always ask my classmates how they did after an exam. It's not so I can take satisfaction from doing better - it's usually so I can see where I am in relation to people I respect. I always offered encouragement and help to those that weren't satisfied with their scores, and congratulated people that were happy with theirs (regardless of how it compared to mine).

Maybe I should stop asking though.

[SummitRN, BSN, RN]

That's the thing though. When it's peers that just want to ask because they are concerned about their grades, I understand.

I go to one of the most impacted universities for nursing on the west coast, and I often get students that genuinely do just want to rub their grade in my face. They actually are running around saying "haha I got a 95 and you got a 91!." That's where the issue lies for me, not with those that just want to compare to feel better about their scores.

Tell them your scores in hexadecimal. Instead of saying "I'm happy about my 91," tell them you got a 5Bh: "I'm stoked about my 'fifty-bee-hex.'" If they say they got a 95, say "the top score is 64h." If they want to know more, declare "decimal" to be a "mundane base." If they act confused, act just as confused in return. They'll eventually leave you alone. If they don't, switch to binary (91d is 1011011b).

[Smith1283]

I feel you! Good people are so hard to find these days. People with hearts like that are just not very bright on the inside. I am like you! I have not one bit of malice in my bones. I wish for everyone to succeed and if you're not my cup of tea, I don't gossip about you or roll my eyes at you or cause drama for you. so many of my classmates are like that and it is exhausting! I am exhausted with the drama. I want everyone to succeed even if I want to shake some sense into them and tell them to shut up, for the LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP!!!! I'm tired of the attention seekers, and the ones that make you feel stupid for asking a question. I'm an LPN going for my ASN and I'm appalled by some of their behaviour. Grown women really do act like that! The oldest one in our class is 49 and she is the worse of them all!!! Now, out of 24, 8 of them are gossiping, drama filled, attention seeking, bonafide mean girls and it's toxic to other people around them. Lord have MERCY on me because I am going through it today, if you hadn't noticed! LOL.. I just want to study, go to school, learn, have an experience worth remembering and carry on with my life. I do not care to feed the birds, I just want a peaceful, respectful adult class. A good experience is too much to ask for at this point.

[shibaowner, MSN, RN, NP]

Don't talk about your scores unless it is someone you are very close to. Just say I'm happy, I did ok, or I didn't do as well as I'd have liked. That's it. If someone brags about their score, just say "that's great"

[MiladyMalarkey, ASN, BSN]

I'm a reader of people, if I believe you're being genuine & possibly just trying to get a feel for how you're doing in comparison to classmates, I'll probably tell you. If I read you as know-it-all, gloater, or someone being nosey, I'll be curt & tell you as little as possible. The type of people you've described I'd tell nothing to.

[Wiggly Litchi]

I had to deal with this for the entire last semester - I'm not even in nursing school yet (but hopefully I'll be transferring in the Spring!)

There was one lady throughout A&P 2 who would keep trying to figure out what my grades were - she thought that she was top of the class and would constantly talk down to people; she liked telling people that they'd never make it in nursing school etc, even though she wasn't even accepted to a program yet herself. I'd kinda smile, say that i did well, and just ignore her for the most part.

About halfway through the semester, it became apparent that she wasn't finding it 'easy' any longer as the bravado started to disappear. Her A's on tests started to slip to B's, and I'm hoping that the experience was a bit humbling for her. I'm genuinely pleased that by the end she was a bit more mellow, and she managed to scrape out an A.

I didn't share my grades with her til the end of the semester when our professor handed us our grade breakdowns for lecture/lab/quizzes; I hadn't scored less than 93% on any of my tests. I would have shared my grades earlier, but I didn't want to egg her competition on... it didn't feel like it was 'friendly'. :/

I wish competitive folk would see that it's good to build each other up - had she not been kinda jerkish at the beginning, maybe she could have benefit from a study group or something... But she'd managed to ostracize herself pretty well in the end D: Folks need to start learning to love themselves/have confidence without having to tear someone else down for an esteem boost :/

[ilovebirds]

I'd say you're on the right track as far as not giving specifics with grades.

Also, try to gravitate towards peers who don't see you as another person to one-up.

As a current nursing student, it really saddens me to see this sort of behavior from others. We should strive for excellence for ourselves and our patients - not for the sake of putting others down.

[gettingbsn2msn, MSN, RN]

Competition can be a good thing. It can motivate people to succeed and be their best. However, the universe is big enough that an entire cohort can do well. No need to tear each other down. Build up your peers and celebrate the successes of all of you!

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

That's the thing though. When it's peers that just want to ask because they are concerned about their grades, I understand.

I go to one of the most impacted universities for nursing on the west coast, and I often get students that genuinely do just want to rub their grade in my face. They actually are running around saying "haha I got a 95 and you got a 91!." That's where the issue lies for me, not with those that just want to compare to feel better about their scores.

Dang ...I didn't know that behavior continued past 6th grade.